Why Use An Adoption Consultant?

**I wrote this post back in 2012 when my husband and I were in the midst of our first adoption process before I became an adoption consultant myself. While I could share a post from my perspective as a consultant now, I love that this post shares my heart while I was actually an adoptive family using a consultant.**

About a year ago, I thought that using an adoption consultant was just plain dumb.  My thinking went something like this: Adoption is expensive and hiring a consultant is another expense.  Why on earth would someone hire an adoption consultant?  My thinking about adoption consultants has drastically changed.  I went from thinking we'd never use one to not being able to imagine our adoption journey without one.  Why?  Here are some of the many reasons that we thank God for our adoption consultant.

1) Decreasing the Risks

Domestic adoption does have risks. While all adoptions have risks, good adoption consultants help their clients sort through the level of risk involved with each situation and give invaluable information to help adoptive parents make informed decisions in their adoption journey. Adoption consultants typically work primarily with "safe states" that are adoption friendly (where consents are generally signed in 24-72 hrs). An ethical adoption consultant usually points hopeful adoptive parents to agencies and attorneys that are spending a considerable amount of time providing counseling; these agencies usually don't match the expectant mama until she's at least 20 weeks.

2) Exposure to multiple agencies and attorneys 

Working with multiple agencies helps you have more exposure to more potential adoption situations. Instead of being one family in a line with many at only one agency, working with an adoption consultant makes it possible for you to learn about more adoption situations and so have the opportunity to show your profile more frequently. Out of the hundreds of agencies and attorneys out there, it's difficult to know which are reputable. A good adoption consultant has done that legwork for you! 

3) Significant decrease in wait time

Working with only one agency means that you are most likely one of many, many clients waiting in a long line to adopt.  In a traditional approach of only working with one agency, many adoptive couples wait 2+ years or more before they are matched with an expectant mom.  Because a good adoption consultant helps you find multiple good agencies and attorneys, the wait time when you're working with one can be significantly decreased.  As in, most families are matched under a year after applying with multiple agencies. (This is just the average; some families are matched faster than that and some are matched longer than that.)

4)  Help from someone who is genuinely knowledgeable AND really understands

Most excellent adoption consultants have adopted before themselves. They know what it's like to adopt because they've been through the process (sometimes multiple times).  They are an incredible wealth of knowledge and information (which is great)!  They've helped TONS of couples adopt.  But their knowledge is coupled with a heart that has experienced the joys and challenges of adoption.  Because of that heart, they are extremely quick to respond to questions from clients (no waiting weeks to hear from them!).  Because of that heart, they pray regularly for their clients.  Because of that heart, they are a constant encouragement and help.  

5)  Benefits that far exceed the cost

Yes, hiring an adoption consultant isn't free. But in our opinion, the benefits to working with an adoption consultant have far exceeded the cost (and we aren't even matched with an expectant mom yet).  In the grand scheme of adoption expenses, it really isn't a lot to hire someone who will make a priceless difference in your adoption journey.  We've received extremely helpful answers to countless questions. We've been connected to wonderful attorneys and agencies.  We've been encouraged, supported, and prayed for every single step of the way. And we've been blessed with having someone who is really on our side (much like a midwife who coaches you all through your pregnancy, labor, and delivery).  

To be really honest, we are getting way more than we paid for with our adoption consultant.  And to think that I once thought that using an adoption consultant was ridiculous!

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Use An Adoption Consultant? Are you nuts?

When we first started looking into domestic adoption, I emailed back and forth quite a bit with a friends who had used an adoption consultant to help them as they adopted their daughter.  I remember quite vividly saying to Josh, "I just don't get it. Why would you pay extra money in what's already a super expensive process to use an adoption consultant?  Doesn't that sound kind of dumb?"  It really didn't make any sense to me.


But as time went on, we needed someone to answer about a billion questions that we had about domestic adoption.  I didn't want someone's opinion.  I didn't want someone who just wanted me to hire them.  I didn't want some random info off of the internet.  I wanted someone to talk to that actually knew what they were talking about!  I wanted someone that would care about us as individuals and not just tell us to do domestic, but to help us as we thought through what God was calling us to.  Enter, Tracie Loux our adoption consultant.

(This is Tracie, her husband, and their children)

Tracie is the consultant that had helped our friends adopt their daughter.  I figured it wouldn't hurt for me to shoot her an email.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was 9:30pm on a Saturday night, and questions were just weighing heavily on my mind and heart.  I emailed Tracie and she responded within an hour (an extremely RARE thing in the adoption world), answering all my questions, sharing helpful thoughts and saying she'd love to talk with me on Monday.  I was blown away by her care, her promptness in responding, and her desire to help.  


After two months of emailing back and forth with Tracie, talking with friends and family, praying, and talking a lot with each other, Josh and I began to get some clarity about where God was directing us.  We knew that He was leading us to pursue domestic adoption and we absolutely knew that we didn't want to enter the process without Tracie's help. So what changed?  Why don't I think it's a dumb idea anymore to use an adoption consultant? More on that tomorrow!

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No Induction In Sight

I've never been "on time" with any of my babies.  It's safe to say that I'm somewhat of an expert at being overdue.  Above is a picture of chubby tired me the day before Addie Beth was born.  I was swollen, fighting acid reflux, peeing six times an hour, and swore that my baby would NEVER come.  I was sure that I would be pregnant forever, as in, for the rest of my life.

As uncomfortable as I was physically, that paled in comparison to the weirdo intense emotional roller-coaster I was riding each day as I waved goodbye to my due date and stared blankly into a calendar of unknowns.  Each night I would go to sleep wondering, "Is this the night?  Is this the night I'll wake up and head to the hospital?  Is this the last night of sleep in our house as a family of four?"  Then, each morning I would wake up, tired and somewhat discouraged, wondering when I'd meet my baby.  I'd go through the motions of the day, but my mind was often somewhere else in the world of "whens" and "hows".  I could cry at nothing or get angry at everything; my emotions were flying all over the room like an annoying fly that you can't seem to smash.

I went through this with each of my babies.  But then, I would inevitably have an appointment with my midwives where they'd schedule an induction.  I would know for sure that if the baby didn't come by _____, my little one would come on the induction date.  It helped a little to know that there was an end to the waiting in sight, but it was still hard to wait.

You know what this part of the adoption process is like for me?  It's like being overdue with no induction in sight.  It's like being overdue for months and months.  Each night I toss and turn wondering, "Is tomorrow it?  Will we get an email or a call tomorrow that will change our life?  Is this the last night that I'll go to sleep not knowing who our baby is?"  And then, I wake up and go through the day, trying to live a normal life while my mind struggles to be still.  I think, "What will our schedule look like this fall if we have a newborn...or maybe we won't meet our baby until Christmas?  Will we get matched this month or next month or six months from now?  Where is our baby?  Is our baby's birthmom safe and healthy and supported or is she terrified and alone?"  One minute I'm laughing with my kids and the next I'm crying as I find out about a friend's due date.  I feel like an emotional wreck!

So, that's what it's like right now as we wait.  It's hard.  I know then, and I know now, that I will never understand God or His ways or why we have to wait for good things.  And yet I also know that His true Word tells me that His plan is perfect.  I know that one day, we will have the little one(s) God has planned for our family and all of the waiting will be over.  And just like our other three are worth the agony of me being overdue, this new baby will be absolutely worth it.

(This is sweet Addie Beth a day after the first picture in this post was taken.)

***I really value each and every bit of encouragement you give me.  I'm trying a new comment feature in hopes that it makes it easier for you to share your thoughts.  Would you indulge me and try it out so I can see how it works?  What thoughts do you have for me as I wait for this baby?

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It's Our Baby

Summer's in full swing and my three sweeties and I have been soaking up the sunshine, enjoying sugary treats, and having lots of fun conversations.

Tali went out into the dark garage today to grab some more ice pops (our third of the day).  "Mom.  It's so nocturnal out there right now!" she exclaimed.

Addie Beth's been her normal crazy two-year-old self.  This morning she woke up at the break of dawn because she had wet through her diaper.  As I changed her bedding she started talking loudly and lightening speed. "Mommy!  Mommy!  Can I jump on my bed?" she excitedly asked.  Never-mind that it wasn't really even light outside yet.  No big shocker when she took forever to calm back down.  Eventually when I went back in to see why she was still awake and still talking, I found her sitting up with piles of underwear surrounding her.  That's my fun little girl!

Owen is full of talk these days about reptiles, predators, and other cool boy stuff.  But my favorite conversations with him are the ones that showcase his tender heart.  Tonight I was talking with him about our new baby that we're waiting for and he got all excited talking about how he would hold the baby, help change diapers, etc.  I said, "Well, don't I get to hold the baby, too?  I mean, it's my baby, right?"  In a very serious tone, he replied, "No Mom.  It's not YOUR baby.  It's OUR baby."  Love my boy so much.

I don't know what the rest of this summer holds for us, but I will always treasure these sweet moments with Tali, Owen, and Addie as we hang out together amidst the hot summer sun.

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