A Broken Crown: Guest Post by Kim

Becoming friends with Kim has been one of the highlights of my work as an Adoption Consultant. It is just so obvious that Rick and Kim love Jesus and are living for His kingdom. I've learned so much from the way they've walked through their adoption processes with open hands to the Lord and from the way they seek to live each day with eyes of faith. Kim is a gifted writer and she kindly shares her heart with us in this guest post about the way Christ has transformed brokenness into a crown.

A Broken Crown (by Kim) 

I rolled out of bed when it was still dark and quietly threw on some old clothes. I was careful to tiptoe down the stairs so I wouldn’t wake my household. The babysitter would arrive soon and I had the resentful job of preparing for another medical procedure. My tired eyes barely opened and my groggy mind refused to process what the day before me held. I surfed the Internet on my phone and gulped down drink after drink until I was sure I would throw up from the sheer amount of liquid. I thanked the babysitter profusely for showing up at this impolite hour and shortly arrived at the hospital with the baby-picture lined walls. It was eerily quiet as I walked down the hall and I couldn’t tell if it was the early hour or the sacred business conducted there that caused the somber mood.  The dark little room was kept at a temperature that ensured you’d be shaking by the time the technician arrived — but at least this gave a conceivable excuse for my emotionally charged jitters. There’s no way to feel comfortable laying on that hospital bed and perhaps it was this discomfort that awoke me from my sleepy stupor.  It was then that I looked up to see—the empty womb.

I’m not in the medical field, and usually those black and white images on the monitor remind me of distorted clouds more than organs. But that day, the empty void was just too clear to ignore. This was not the first procedure and it will likely not be the last. In fact, this just scratched the surface of the lengths we would go to try and correct the multiple syndromes and symptoms that left me barren. I’ve had 6 surgeries, taken thousands of pills, been poked, prodded and made uncomfortable in ways I never imagined would become my new “normal.” So you may think it odd that as I reflect on motherhood, I’m thinking of Esther and her “such a time as this” occasion.

In Esther 4:14, the queen is reminded that her royal position is not what protects her, but it is, perhaps, how God will use her “for such a time as this.”

Awake with the youngest of my six babes, I’m wondering if my “such a time as this” is now — in the midst of my brokenness. Because what if we arrive at our time, not to a crown of glory but to a realization of need? It’s here, that for me, whether seated on a throne, or cold and alone in a hospital room that my needy moments draw me closer to a Significant Savior.

Sometimes God’s best is an invitation for you to embrace and celebrate what can only be found in brokenness, in need, in the low places, and in rejection by the world. While Esther sat on an earthly throne, the One who placed her there gave up His throne to become despised by man - crushed, rejected, weepy and desperate for His Father. The Cross is why He came. His “such a time as this” was the lowest He would ever be, so that one day He would receive a crown of glory he’ll never relinquish.

My low place is the emptiness of infertility. According to popular fiction I am an “unwoman.” Like one in eight women alive today, I live with the monthly reminders that I have no power to create or sustain life. Everyday I’m aware that my body is broken. And this constant reminder has forced me to, lean in to the Lord for greater healing, greater health, and greater trust.

And isn’t that what we love about Esther’s story—that a common girl would catch the eye of the most powerful man on earth; that a woman who was willing to take risks would accomplish remarkable things. Esther’s fame came as a result of being willing to do what was hard when all the odds were stacked against her—and it’s impossible for me to see her bravery without envisioning her wearing her crown. Esther was given the title of queen but she was powerless without her King. Her real privilege was that she had access to the One who had the power. And in that—her story is also my story.

I am seen and loved by God and he has the power to change my title and my purpose. Jesus is the Suffering Servant but He is also the Resurrected King. He graciously shares His resurrection power with me so though my womb is empty my arms are filled. He made the barren woman a mother of children (Psalm 113:9), gave her a new name and a new appreciation for all that is learned when you are without power and without hope. While my lack of power has allowed me to feel indescribable pain and heartache, I walk with a powerful God who does not leave me here. His shared resurrection power has given me a ministry to others who are hurting and a house full of children as daily reminders of His goodness. It’s because of His power that I can more confidently, and with thankfulness, wear the title of broken.

When he sets a crown on my broken and powerless head I can more fully appreciate my new position because of the depths from whence I came. It’s in the depths that I learned to petition the King and trust in His goodness. It’s there that I learned the pursuit of Him, through pain, unmet expectations and frustrations, was worth everything! Even on the days I was sure I would perish, He invited me into His strength and kingly power to do more than I ever imagined.

In my brokenness, I am given a crown of Hope - because the natural has failed me and the Supernatural has beckoned me home. I am a broken woman invited to more, by a perfect King.

(You can read a bit more about Rick and Kim's adoption journeys here, here.)

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Saying Yes To God This Christmas (guest post)

I'm excited to introduce you to this beautiful lady with a huge heart! I met Audra three years ago to talk about life and adoption. At that time she and her husband had one little girl and were praying for God to add to their family. It was such a privilege to watch God shape their faith and lives in their first adoption story. Now, three years later, their family has:

a 7 year old

a 2 year old

a 5 month old

and God has recently stirred their hearts to adopt their daughter's sibling due in February.

Yep. You read that right! This family has had their life radically turned upside down over the past three years. They know a thing or two about stepping out in faith to follow God's lead, even into the hard. Enjoy Audra's reflections this Christmas season on saying "yes" to God.

(Guest Post By Audra)

We have all heard the Christmas story, especially around this time of the year. The story of our savior born in a manger. Born on a silent night with angels singing in the background. Mary and Joseph looking peacefully down on their child who's is destine to save the world. It's told with such beauty and peace. What we don't hear is the difficulty that it took for everyone to get to that moment. The moment that was prophesied over, prayed over, and hoped for for years before. A moment that seemed too big to accomplish by such ordinary people. But it was accomplished and in that moment it was perfect and sacred.

An angel came to Mary and told her she would be with child. Not just any child but the Savior, Jesus. What a task.  One I can only imagine seemed unreachable and destine for failure.  She was betrothed to marry Jospeh, she was young and she was a women. So many things were against her accomplishing this moment. Mary could have said no, she could have had a normal life. But she didn't. She decided to have faith and trust that God would carry her through the tough times. Through the possibility of Joseph leaving her alone, through the many murderous attempts on her family and traveling with no place to stay when they reached their destination. Her son would be born in a stable, amongst animals and exposed.

The difficulty that it took for everyone to get to that moment could have prevented them from moving forward. But they didn't stop and they didn't let fear take over. They didn't allow uncertainty to keep them their destiny. They kept saying yes to God. Yes to hard times, yes to a different and crazy path, yes to love and yes to Jesus. Why? Because their their arms were open, stretched out to the sky, confessing their faith in God and his plan for their life. Whatever that may look like.

Recently we were given the opportunity to say yes to something difficult and quite crazy in some eyes. Were were asked to adopt the biological sibling of our second daughter, who also became part of our family through adoption. We also have a 7 year old and a 5 month old.  So you can see where our hesitation may come from. We had the chance to say no and we know that no one would have look down on us for that. We could have said no and had a normal and good life, a life serving our God. But we didn't want a normal life. We wanted and desired a life that requires us to solely depend on God and not ourselves. We want to say yes in faith when He asks us to step out.

So we said YES, a shaking yes but an obedient yes. Yes to Gods plan and ours. Yes to His Glory. Yes to this child. Yes to love on our precious Birth Mom. Yes to our daughter. Yes to crazy. Yes to the unknown and yes to help.

Saying yes to God and his plan doesn't mean life will be easy. Life in general isn't easy, it's very hard. Having faith doesn't mean an absence of doubt just as courage doesn't mean an absence of fear.  Its what you do with that doubt and fear that matters. Give it God and let him lead you.  The Bible is compiled of stories that we've all have heard growing up. These famous and heroic stories came from hard work, trials, crazy gestures, uncertainty, grief, sadness and bravery. The result-an amazing story that brings glory to the most high King.  I hope and pray our story will show others that mountains can be moved with just a mustard size seed of faith. We just need to believe.

(If you'd like to support and pray for Adam and Audra in their journey or read details about their "yes," you can do that here on Audra's blog.)

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Adoptive Dad Guest Post: A New Perspective This Father's Day

This week, I'm featuring some guest posts from adoptive dads. There is something so powerful about hearing from the heart of a father! I have loved working with Will and his wife, Candice, from day one. Right away, it was so evident to me that they have hearts full of love for Jesus and a desire to follow how Him however He leads in their adoption journey. Will, thank you for sharing some reflections with us as you approach this Father's Day!

Photo Cred: Brittany Lynn

As I approach Father’s Day this year I find myself with a new perspective that I didn’t have before starting down the road of adoption. My wife Candice and I have a beautiful three year old boy, Liam, that we have been blessed with biologically, but we are new to this world adoption and all that this incredible journey entails. While we had always talked about wanting to adopt someday, even before having Liam, the reality of the process is so different than what I personally thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, this is one of the most exciting times in our lives. We have been overwhelmed by our friends and family and how they have rallied around us and amazed by the unexpected ways that God has blessed us. But as we travel this path that God is taking us down, we try to be as open and honest with those around us about all aspects of this journey. 

I’ll just come out and say it. Adoption is hard! While it is in my opinion one of the most beautiful decisions you can make, the road for us has been one that has been dotted with tearful nights, unexpected detours, difficult decisions and moments of heartbreak. It is in these hardships however that I believe God uses us to tell His story of love for the world. I truly believe that being transparent about the pain, anxiety, sacrifice, and hardship doesn't lessen the beauty of adoption; it increases it! 

Looking to the cross I am reminded that Christ had to come to earth, live as a man, take on the sins of the world, be separated from His Father, suffer and die on the cross to adopt us into our heavenly family for eternity. Without that suffering and sacrifice the victory and display of the depth of His love would not have been nearly as great. Even Christ asked His Father to take the cup from Him if there were any other way - but that was not in God's perfect story of salvation for the world. A sacrifice had to be made. I believe that if we were not aware of how great His cost was for us, we would not truly grasp how deep His love for us is. To me, it is through this sometimes painful road of adoption that I believe we are given the opportunity to reflect His perfect love for us by pursuing our future child (or children) regardless of the difficulties that stand in our way. 

I love my Savior knowing that I was a sacrifice, it brings me to my knees, draws me close to Him, and gives me strength and peace to know that he desires to take my burdens as His own. As a Christian we are called to love sacrificially - and I count myself blessed to be able to do that through adoption. I look forward to the day that I get to tell my child (or children) how Candice and I sought them out, fought through difficulties, and wouldn’t let anything get in our way because we desired them more than anything in the world. I pray that they will know without a shadow of a doubt the depth of our love by the we showed for them before we even knew who they were. I can’t wait to tell them that the love we have for them was first shown to us as God’s adopted children. Approaching this Father’s Day, my understanding of the love that the Heavenly Father has for us is so much deeper than ever before and I am so thankful that Candice and I have been given the opportunity to reflect His love with the world around us as we pursue adoption. 

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Adoption Guest Post: Don't Waste the Wait

No one likes to wait. It's frustrating and it's stretching and it's just plain hard. Right now Will and Candice are in the thick of that really difficult part of the adoption journey-they are waiting for an expectant mama to choose them. I'm honored to be walking with them as their adoption consultant and I'm so glad I get to share Candice's heart with you today!

Guest Post by Candice: Don't Waste The Wait. 

In the process
In the waiting
You're making melodies over me
And your presence 
Is the promise
For I am a pilgrim on a journey
~Shepherd (Bethel Music)

In all honesty, the adoption wait has been a little harder on me than I thought it would be. After dealing with fertility issues before and after our son, Liam, I thought I had this waiting thing down. "No biggie, I've done this many times before..." I was wrong.

As I sit here, I think of all the times I've just repeated Psalm 13 in my head: "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" And sometimes, on hard days, I still do. But as look back over the past couple of years, I see how Jesus has worked on my heart, how He has changed my desires and tuned my heart to His. Honestly, none of that would have happened without this wait, as He drew me near and as I leaned into Him. I don't want to waste this wait because, let's be real, none of this is really about me. God is using this for His glory...yes, even this wait.

Listen, He really does meet us in it all. Sometimes I'm tempted to get bitter and compare my situation with those around me. Everywhere I look, people are growing their families with ease. But then I'm reminded that Jesus knows me better than anyone else, better than I know myself. He knows what He is doing, and working behind the scenes even if I doubt it sometimes. There have been times when I have felt so forgotten only to immediately hear Him whisper, "I see you...I know you."

Our awesome adoption consultant, Katie, reminded me that I don't have to feel bad when weary days creep up. She told me, "It's okay to be weary. God knows that some days we will feel like that and so that's why He made a point to speak to that in His Word. Keep clinging to Him!"

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

And she's right, all I can keep doing is clinging to Him.  In fact, I'm sure that's exactly where He wants me.

"Be joyful in hope..."  Romans 12:12

Image Credit: Lauren Carns

Thanks for sharing your heart with us, Candice! It's so beautiful to see Him working in you during the wait! (You can follow Candice's blog over here.)

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Adoption Guest Post: Happy-Sadness

A couple months ago I shared a guest post by Kim about the costs of infertility. I have the privilege of being Rick and Kim's adoption consultant right now. I love reading anything and everything that Kim writes! God's given her a gift with words and her writing always go straight to my heart. Here is another beautiful guest post that Kim wrote about the happy-sadness of this stage of waiting in their adoption process.

Happy-Sadness in Adoption by Kim
What do you say when people ask you how you’re doing? Fifteen years ago my standard response would have been, “fine” – no matter what was really happening. But then I “randomly” sat down next to a boy I didn’t know at all and asked him how he was doing…and he actually told me! He told me that he just broke up with his girlfriend and he was trying to figure out if they could still be friends, and on, and on, and on…and after I picked up my jaw off the floor I actually shared my experience. And we had a real conversation. It felt awkward at first because he was sharing so much, but his honesty gave me permission to share my experience. And it was refreshing to feel like I got a glimpse of who someone really was!

And since then, I’ve been ruined to pat answers. (I suppose that might also be because I went on to marry that boy). I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell others what I’m feeling these days. Honestly, I’m a little all over the place emotionally. I’m happy, anxious, excited, fearful, sad. Sometimes all within minutes of each other. I promise I’m emotionally stable. Not because I don’t feel these things – but because I don’t act on these things.

But, this mingling of emotions reminds me of a reality that has become increasingly more prevalent now that I’m an adult. It’s the concept of “happy-sadness.”

The reality is that joy and sadness often mix within the adult life. The dichotomy of living with both is prevalent constantly. I didn't intend to look for instances of happy-sad. In fact, I rather naively believed that you could avoid sadness if you made all the right choices. I thought if I worked hard and did what was best I could control my life. Whatever sadness would come - would be of my own doing. Whatever happiness I experienced - I suppose was my decision too. It was a naive opinion. And a prideful one. And then life happened. Uncontrollable. Broken. Unexpected. And somewhere along the way I learned that my circumstances and my emotions weren't always compatible. Whether by wisdom or fear, I tended to spend a significant amount of time sitting in the tension of happy-sad. Excited and happy one moment and fearful and sad the next - sometimes both at once.

I've been thinking about this because it is my dominant emotion in this season of waiting. In the adoption process there's a lot of waiting. Sometimes you wait patiently, sometimes you wait busily, and sometimes you wait emotionally. This waiting season is the emotional one…because, we are matched! A brave woman saw something in us that connected with someone in her. And she decided to journey through life with us. It's super exciting – but it's also really hard.

Journeying through this stage means trying to form an instant and deep bond with someone we live far away from and naturally have little in common with. Our life experiences have been wildly different and our current circumstances make it seem like we come from different worlds. We try to empathize and therefore we feel deeply with her as she faces her own uncertainty, sadness and fears.

This is the view from the natural world. It's sad. It's hard. It's broken. But journeying through this stage also means honoring someone exactly where he or she is while praying and hoping through their potential. It means seeing your life through the eyes of someone else's experience. It means committing to love while love grows. It's being joyful about new life, because new life is a miracle. This is the view from the spiritual world. It's exciting. It's important. It's hopeful. And this is the filter we strive to exist in. Keeping in mind both the pain and the peace. Allowing ourselves to feel the fear and the hope.

There is a time for mourning and a time for dancing. There are seasons when one emotion may monopolize most of your days. But more often, I believe there's a reality that exists only in this present world. Sadness and joy. Brokenness and wholeness. All intertwined in to a surprising and beautiful reality. The sadness brings completion to the joy. The brokenness helps you to deeply appreciate when things are made whole.

It’s important to remember these are earthly lessons. Worldly trials. It’s an opportunity to know the heart of a Father that will one day express love in a different way.  We won’t need to trust him in brokenness when all is made whole. We won’t have to love him in sadness when he wipes every tear from our eyes. One day all will be healed. There will be no more brokenness. No need for hope. No prideful views. No stubborn will that needs to submit.

But today - and probably tomorrow - I will live in the tension of happy-sadness. Content to take the hard with the easy. And hopeful to lean in and learn more about the heart of my Father, while the opportunity to experience him in this way is still possible.

Cry and laugh today friends. Both are good!

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Adoption Guest Post: Bloom Where You Are Planted

Recently, one of my sweet families had the opportunity to share with their church community about the beginning of their adoption journey. Bryan and Laura are currently in the process of getting their home study completed and then I'll be walking them through the process of applying to various adoption agencies. I asked Laura if I could post a bit of what she shared in hopes that it encourages you as much as it did me!

Bloom Where You Are Planted by Laura
Everyone knows the phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” It means to grow wherever you are. Let’s be honest, everyone wants to bloom in a beautiful garden, and feel they deserve that. What happens though if our garden is rocky, or maybe gets too much sun? The challenge is not to bloom in the perfect garden; it’s to bloom in whatever soil you find yourself. Although it’s not directly stated in the Bible, there are countless stories that encompass this theme. Specifically there is a passage in Jeremiah which says, ‘Build houses and settle down. Seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.’ For those of you who don’t know the story, these verses are a message to the people who have been forced into exile because of their King’s disobedient behavior. They are being punished for something they didn’t do and are full of despair. Then a message from God arrives and he tells them, I can make beauty from this mess; I can turn these ashes into hope. I can make your lives great if you follow me. He tells them to “Bloom where they are planted.” Even though they have been suffering, if they trust in him, and hope for their future they can turn this into a beautiful garden.

Most of us can relate because, at one time or another, we hope for something in spite of what seem like insurmountable challenges. For example, I hope for dirty diapers, for late night cries, and yes, even for those over the top temper tantrums, and in spite of some huge mountains, I know that someday soon I’ll be a mom.

On the day I was born, joy quickly turned to fear. As I was diagnosed with a complex heart condition, and within days of my birth, I had my first open heart surgery, and the life my parents dreamt for me was changed forever. They now had to bloom where they were planted, in a rocky garden, full of unknown weeds. They waited for me to wake up after surgery, instead of my cries waking them. My parents’ hopes changed from a healthy baby, to hope for more time with me.

Thankfully, God was on my side, and with the help of some incredible medicine and doctors, I stand before you today after two open-heart surgeries before the age of twenty. I never felt that my heart made me special, delicate, or even someone to be admired. To be quite honest, I never thought of much. I live a normal life. Naturally, I thought I could be a mom too. I thought since I faced enough problems, I was owed an unbelievable garden.

After numerous tests, arguments, and number crunching, it was decided that pregnancy was too big of a risk. It was more important for me to be a mother, than to experience pregnancy. I would happily trade nine months, for a lifetime with our baby. The question became how would we have a child?

Eventually, with our hope renewed we decided that we were being called to adopt. While the decision to adopt was easy, the path to our child is not. There are hoops to jump through, and a significant financial hurdle as well. As B and I continue down this path that leads to our child, we look forward with hope. We hope that you know how much your generosity, prayers, and support mean to us, and that we can never repay you.

Thinking back to the story in the beginning, it is important to note the next few lines. I’m positive you are familiar with them, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” After everything, God comes out at says, don’t worry; I know that you are afraid, but I promise that in the end, it’s going to be worth it.

B and I may not have chosen this garden, it may not have the best soil, best seeds, or the most knowledgeable farmers, but as God promised, we are making this place our home, watching his plan unfold, and blooming where we are planted. Thank you.

If you'd like to read more of Bryan and Laura's story, check out their blog.

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Guest Post: The Cost of Infertility, 10 Reflections

Knowing Rick and Kim has been a gift to my heart. The way they process life through the lens of the Gospel is beautiful and compelling. They have three little ones that entered their family through the gift of adoption and they are waiting again for God to bring number four. They recently had a huge disappointment in their journey and I asked Kim if I could share her thoughts because they so strikingly reflect a heart that trusts God.

The Cost of Infertility, 10 Reflections (by Kim)

This morning I was processing during a rare moment where I curled my hair. I never quite got around to make-up. But I wore something other than a T-shirt. So I'm calling it a win. I was thinking about what I would tell people about our recent journey. We want to be transparent and to communicate well. We want to continue to tell others what is true. But we aren't sure how we feel yet. We aren't sure what parts of the story need to be talked about and what needs to be stored away as mere information instead of helpful instruction.

And pretty quickly my pondering turned to pouting. I thought about the journey of others and whether or not they ever had to go through something like this. (Comparison always works out well, doesn't it?) And I decided that what we went through - being matched with a baby we believed was ours and dreaming and planning, moving our whole family so we could be his, sitting in uncertainty yet loving wholeheartedly - that this was...

The Cost of Infertility.

Everything has a cost. And while I did not voluntarily sign up for infertility - I was made for it. You read that right. I was made for this.

I don't believe God intended infertility or brokenness. Or even adoption  (though I hate even writing that because adoption is so beautiful and dear to me). The world was supposed to be without death, without poverty, without  drugs, without orphans. Families were intended to be whole. Bodies were intended to be healthy.

But that same Sovereign God made a plan for our brokenness. He gave himself to meet my needs. First to give me the great hope of wholeness and reconciliation with Him, and second for a purpose in this life while I wait to be with Him. And in this life it means living with infertility. He knew this would be true for me. And he created me and surrounded me to be equipped for this. (I also believe this doesn't always have to be true of me - but that's a story for another day).

And while it is true that my story costs me something - what I've bought is much grander than the investment I've made. Here are just a few of the gifts we've been able to purchase - without money and with very little cost:

  

1. We get to say "Yes!", when it would be easy to say no. 

In a  world that values ease, we have learned to say yes, until someone tells  us no. It's a lesson in perseverance. And it's a lesson that this  strong-willed and yet emotionally timid girl needed. It would be easy to  bail when things got hard. But we've seen that when we say yes, when we  say we're "all in" - we get to extend some of the grace we've been  given - to others. We can provide them with space to feel and to freak out because we have determined to be unyielding. It's what Jesus does  with us. He allows me to be faithless when He is faithful. I can rage like a disappointed toddler and I know I do this within the safe arms of  a loving and unchanging God.

2. We are invited in to the brokenness of others lives. 

Every adoption story involves brokenness. It involves two broken families  coming together for the good of a kid who bears no responsibility for  the brokenness surrounding them. Adoption shines a bright light on the brokenness of the biological family because there is a reason that this  child needs a new home. And when that spotlight is pointed at them and  you step into their light - you see your brokenness more clearly as  well. We've been given the opportunity to be humble when the world would  imply that we could take the dangerous road of posturing. Hopefully  we've also come out more able to love - because humility leads to  understanding and empathy. And once you can feel what others feel it's  hard not to love them exactly where they are.

3. We get to trust God when it doesn't make sense. 

We tend to  want things to be fair, don't we? We want everyone to have the same  things, the same experiences, the same views. And when we see differences and discrepancy we have two options. We can choose jealousy  and/or ridicule, which leads to bitterness. Or we can choose to trust in the plans of a sovereign God who continues to be good. The  reality is there is not always justice on this side of heaven. The rich get richer and the poor stay poor. And that stinks. But we know the one  who knows all the whys. And we are regularly given opportunities to trust Him when it doesn't make sense - when he asks us to walk so walls  fall (Joshua 6), to show up because love is an action, and to feel until our hearts  hurt for ourselves and others. And at the end of the day we get to call  Him good. We get to tell others He is good. Because we believe it, and  it's a privilege to walk with Him even if only the next step is  illuminated and the rest of the road is dark.

4. We see how GOD makes families. 

I went through sex-ed when I  was in elementary school. I know how babies are made. But we've had time and space and tears to process through what is true about families and who it is that forms them in the secret place. I've heard so many well meaning people talk about their kids by saying something like - "we  made them." And while it makes sense that the non-believing world would depend upon themselves (or science) to give them children I often ask my Christian friends, "Really, you made that? You and your husband went in to the back room and created life? How did that go for you?" After looking at me funny they admit, "well I didn't make them, God did." See, we had to come to that conclusion right away. Because when you struggle with infertility you are VERY aware that you are not the author of life. And, more so, as we've pursued adoption we've been VERY aware that God has a Will that will come to pass. In the same place that He created those cute little babies that have your hair and your husband's eyes and put them in your cute little bellies, he created lives that have our hearts and were made in His image and placed them in our family. Only God can create insatiable love for people you would have no claim to without the permanency and love of God that goes before you.

5. We have learned to be open-handed with our kids. 

While this  lesson is on-going, and must be continuously relearned, our experience  has required that we love wholeheartedly while also being completely  uncertain. You just have to be open-handed under those  circumstances. You have to trust God will pick up the broken pieces of  your heart should it come to that. You learn to say, "The Lord gives and  the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21) And  it's hard. But it's good. While our kids could not be more permanently  ours, they are also more permanently God's. We are stewards of  them, invited to love and bless and lead them, this side of heaven.  People will often ask me, "Don't you want kids of your own?" And with  all of the grace I can muster, and just a little bit of a disapproving look, I say, "These are my own kids." God has given them to us. They are ours in every parenting sense of the word. But more than that they belong to the King of Kings, who loves them more than anyone else (even though we tell them mommy and daddy love them a very close second). Their permanency with us was always known by God, but it was not always known by us. So we prayed every day - "Jesus they are yours. Please let them be ours too." And God was gracious. He allowed us to have each other. But because of our start, we will never forget who is in charge, and who they ultimately belong to. 

6. We get to normalize that which is misunderstood. 

Everyone has a borrowed adoption horror story. I've yet to meet anyone who has adopted who has cautioned me away from trusting God in this way. But we've met plenty of people who know a friend of a second cousin who had just a terrible experience and "aren't you just so scared?" It's true - adoption is not for the faint of heart. But it's beautiful! It's glorious! It's fun! And we have the opportunity to understand it and interpret it and rewrite the language that others use. Both because adoption needs to be understood so more people can adopt - but also because I don't want people telling my kids a bunch of lies about their story because they don't understand the redemption of adoption that God writes. I'm kind of a mother bear in that way. :)

7. We have the opportunity to be intentional. 

To be intentional or deliberate is to to do something on purpose. Our path was not an accident. We purposed to adopt. My infertility was not a surprise to God - he wrote my part so that I would be ready for my kid's part. There should be no question that we chose our kids and that we will stick with them. And I love that. I used to want to have a surprise pregnancy so I'd have an excuse not to work in a job I was not suited for. And while we would have been thrilled with whatever child God gave us by whatever means, it's not a very good story is it?  "Well son, I really disliked my job so I thought having a kid might be more fun." Contrarily, our kid's stories are amazing! They have the fingerprints of  God all over them - He moved us then He made them. There were hard obstacles, but we ran through them because they were at the other  end. And all the wait seemed like just a few days "because of all the love we had for them (Genesis 29)"...And then we lived happily ever after. We've been invited to witness and live the stuff that the great  stories are made of! How cool is that?

8. We get to connect with the ancients. 

Did you know that a lot of the patriarchs struggled with infertility? Abraham, Isaac, Jacob.  They all had first hand knowledge of longing for children and having to  depend on God to provide them. Sometimes those stories went a little  wonky. Like when Jacob's wives gave him their maidservants as wives so that they could have more children...I'm just sayin - Rick gets one wife. That's it. But I have known the pain and suffering of longing for a  child and being willing to do crazy stuff to try and get one. And when we read in the Bible about how God provided, and the mistakes that were  made along the way. We pay attention a little more. We relate a little  deeper. And it encourages me that I've walked through a little of what  the faithful firsts also went through. It validates God's love of the  broken, of which I am the worst.

9. I can give an answer to the pro-choice movement. 

The biggest criticism I've heard of the pro-life movement is that their  ideals are not followed through by appropriate actions. Where will the  babies go that we want people to have? We say - to us! We are the answer  for women in crisis and for babies who need parents. Us, and others  like us. I realize that this is a very simplified answer to a very  complex problem. And I won't pretend this is the whole solution. This is  not inherently a pro-life post; but it is a valuing of life post. And  we have learned to value life because of our circumstances and our kids.  You inherently value that which is difficult to obtain. And we LOVE  kids. Like a lot. It's a blessing to have learned this before we became  parents.

10. We are invited to share with vulnerability and inclusion. 

It takes a village to raise a child. And in our case it takes a village to bring a child home. We have been overwhelmed by the help of others as God forms our family. We've had several people donate breast milk for  each of our kids (talk about a labor of love!), we've had help housing  and caring for our kids while we've traveled. You've come to court,  wrote recommendations - prayed and prayed and prayed! We've been able to  share our stories and have been invited to be vulnerable. It's a blessing to live life with others, and we thank you for going on this  journey with us.

Right now, "We are given pieces of the puzzle without being given the picture on the top of the box." And maybe this is how we feel...we know God is painting a beautiful picture. But we can only see the pieces. One day the pieces will come together and we will be delighted to share it with you. Until then, we count the cost, knowing it costs us very little. And we are grateful for what we have earned. We have much to be grateful for!

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Kim, thank you for allowing me to share your beautiful words today. I'm praying along with you and can't wait to watch the pieces come together in your story!

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Is Using An Adoption Consultant Worth The Money (Guest Post)

I am so blessed to be able to watch God work in the lives of couples pursuing adoption. Mary Beth and Josh have such hearts of love and faith. They were with their agency for a while before deciding to widen their options by starting with an adoption consultant. It's a delight for me to serve them alongside their consultant. Mary Beth kindly wrote this letter to those of you considering whether or not it's worth the money to work with a consultant.

Dear friends...

My husband and I came to to the conclusion that we had to take the adoption of our second child a step further when our home agency started offering reimbursement for families who would hire consultants. We were defeated, frustrated, and ready to grow our family. We shared our heartbreak over this process with our small group at church and immediately a friend suggested looking into... It did not take much convincing after reading the success stories and talking with Tracie.

Working with Tracie and Katie has been exactly what our hearts needed. Their level of professionalism blew us away. The adoption world holds a lot of question marks and uncertainty, but these two women find a way to answer your questions, check in frequently, and help speak to your heart during the wait. Their faith and trust in The Lord throughout the process has encouraged us and reminded us that God has the perfect baby in mind for OUR family. Without their help, I am not sure we would have endured this road to adopting our second child much longer.

If I could encourage someone who isn't sure hiring a consultant is worth the money, I would tell them absolutely positively this is the best money you can spend to help build your family. Yes, adoption is expensive. Yes, this is one more added expense, but it is the best way to go hands down. From the exposure your family receives on a weekly basis to the care and concern from the consultants, this a must for families serious about adoption. This is an investment our family made that we will never regret and 
                                                                   I hope that you can do the same.

Thank you, MaryBeth! I can't wait to see all of God's beautiful plans for your family continue to unfold.

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Contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com for more information!

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