Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Cosette's Story

Here in this space, I'm currently sharing some posts about Adoption and the Sibling Perspective. (Don't miss Gianna's thoughts here!) For families who enter domestic infant adoption with children already in their home, they wisely consider, "How will this affect our other kids?" I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to share with you some thoughts from a few siblings of the families I've consulted.

Cosette was almost 13 when her family brought home their baby through adoption. Thank you, Cosette, for sharing your thoughts about adoption!

1) Did you have any fears or concerns about adoption while your family was in the adoption process waiting before your sibling was born? How did the Lord meet you in those?
Yes! Absolutely. I think my biggest fear was that once we finally were placed, that something would happen to the baby, or that the mom would change her mind. I think that God met me in that He gave me reassurance after reassurance that we were under HIS care throughout the adoption. We were never in control. He had us in the palm of His hand and His plan was the best for us.

2) What are some things that you love about adoption and how God brought your siblings to you?
One thing that I specifically love about adoption, and every adoption as its own entity, is that God makes every adoption unique for the needs of the mom, child, and receiving family. In both of my family's adoptions, it was clear that God had built the circumstances for our family. Whether difficult or simple, every situation was made with us in mind.

3) What do you wish that people knew about adoption?
It's not taboo!...or, doesn't have to be. It's alright to talk about adoption and to ask questions. Most of the time, we are MORE than willing to share.

4) What has God taught you about Himself through adoption in your family?
God has taught me that He is SO much bigger than what I'm seeing in front of my face. He has a plan in mind. I am much better off when I step out in faith in His plan, whether that means stepping into good or "bad."

5) Anything else you'd like to share?
It's perfectly alright to share about your struggles with adoption. They are just as valuable as your good times. The wave is ok. The wave can even help others in their journeys.

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Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Gianna's Thoughts

When families who already have children in their home consider domestic infant adoption, it's not uncommon for them to grapple with the question, "How will this affect our other kids?" As an Adoption Consultant, I've been so blessed to watch God knit families together through domestic infant adoption. One of my favorite things as a Consultant is hearing about the love and bond that God grows between siblings through adoption. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to share with you some stories this week from the perspective of siblings!

Below are thoughts from Gianna, a high schooler who went from being an only child to being a big sister a few years ago when her parents were clients of mine. Thank you, Gianna, for sharing your heart with us!

When you learned that your parents planned to adopt, what were your thoughts/feelings?

"When I found out my parents were planning to adopt, I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I was ecstatic because I had always wanted a sibling and could not wait until I had a little brother or sister. However on the other hand, I had doubts that my family would never get picked, or the birth mother would change her mind once we were picked. I did not want to get my hopes up for something that may never happen until it was legally finalized. I tried to contain my feelings because I knew I would be devastated if the adoption did not work out. However, once the adoption was legal, I was the happiest girl in the world and filled with more love than I knew ever was possible."

How has adoption surprised you?

"Adoption has surprised me in many different ways. First, I never thought that adoption would affect me as much as it has. Adoption has made me a much stronger pro-life supporter than I was previously. I could not fathom my life would be like without William. If William’s biological mother had an abortion instead of giving him up for adoption, I would have never known him. The thought of this makes me a fierce fighter for the end of all abortion. I cannot wait to attend the March for Life 2020 with my school’s Respect Life Club to fight for the end of abortion and instead the “growth of adoption.” Secondly, adoption has made me softer, more patient, and more loving. It has shown me a whole new type of love. I was an only child for 13 years, and I felt a sense of emptiness in my heart. However once we adopted William, I experienced a whole new type of love that I had never felt before. William has made my heart feel full, and I am so thankful for that. There is nothing like hearing the pitter patter of little feet coming into my room to wake me up in the morning, and the big hug and kiss he gives me. The sibling bond we share is unbreakable. Every time I look at him I think how lucky I am to have him for my brother, my forever buddy. Lastly, adoption has made me a more gracious person. I am forever thankful that adoption has given me a sibling, and I owe it all to God’s plan. William truly is the greatest blessing, and I am reminded of the blessing of adoption each and every day when I hear his laughter."

What thoughts do you have for someone who isn’t sure that adoption will be a positive thing for their family?

"I would share my personal experiences with adoption and tell them how much brighter, fuller and complete my life has gotten since adopting my little brother. He truly was the missing piece to our family puzzle. I often felt lonely when I was an only child, but now I have a lifelong best friend that will always be by my side. Adoption has been nothing but positive for my family, and I am a better person because of it. Before Will, I always felt loved as I still do, but now I can show MY love to him. I am so grateful every day that my family was chosen to be Will’s forever family. We even celebrate his “forever family” day with a party. Because of my experience, I am now a firm supporter of adoption. I believe that more and more people should adopt because it truly is the greatest blessing. It is the BEST thing my family ever did!"

What do you wish more people knew/understood about adoption?

"I wish that more people understood that just because you are not biologically related, does not mean the connection and love is any different. I love my little brother with my whole entire heart, and it never even crosses my mind that he is not my biological brother. I also wish people would not fear an “open” adoption. It’s not as scary and intimidating as people may think. I see it as a positive with more people loving Will. It will actually make everything smoother once he can fully understand and he will never wonder through his childhood who his biological family is. I am just so very grateful that they chose my family. Adopting my brother has changed me in ways that are indescribable. I used to wonder what it would be like to have a little brother, now I can’t imagine life without him. His smile is infectious and makes me smile more. His laugh is contagious and makes me laugh more. His love is something I’ve never felt before. Will has brought so much happiness to my family. I am truly blessed to call him my brother, my forever friend and thank God every day for him."

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to connect with you!

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Adoption Story: Darin + Lois

It's not easy to hold fast to hope, stand on the truth about who God is, and keep trusting He is working even while you wait during your adoption. It IS easy to become discouraged, question if you'll ever be chosen, become frustrated, and want to give up while you're waiting to be chosen by an expectant mom making an adoption plan. Darin and Lois blew me away by their consistent trust in the Lord during their difficult adoption wait! The grace He poured out on them while they waited was so beautiful to see. I'm so happy to share some thoughts from Lois today about their adoption journey with me!

This journey of bringing home our baby girl has been a long, beautiful, and hard road. It began in May of 2018 when we first spoke with Katie and began our home study. We had thought we prepared ourselves to wait… and wait… and wait to hear a “yes.” There were many times, after hearing “no,” we had to remind ourselves that God is writing this story. And while the waiting and wishing were so hard, He did give us peace. It wasn’t always easy, but we truly knew we were doing what He wanted us to do. While we waited, we focused on enjoying the days of “just us two.” We spent a lot of those “just us” days dreaming of when it would be “three.” And yet we found ways of filling these days with fun and happiness and doing things we knew we wouldn’t be able to do with a child; building a better marriage and relationship with each other and with God.

We were officially home study approved in the beginning of July 2018 and were excited to be able to present to a mom who was due in just a few months. This was the first of many times we heard “she chose another family.” In spite of the disappointments, we continued feeling that we were on the right path. We knew God would someday bring our baby home. In July 2019, almost exactly a year after being home study approved, we finally heard the long-awaited “YES!” After hearing no so often, it seemed unreal to us that we were chosen. In the next few days, reality began to sink in and we began to get so so excited. She was due in November and that seemed so far away.

In the months of waiting for our baby girl to be born, we saw the heart of love in our daughter's birth mom for her unborn child. The courage she showed and the love she had for her, showed such a sacrificial and brave spirit. We truly felt God’s hand in this match and the long wait to hear a “yes” was worth every "no" we had to hear first.


We see God’s fingerprints over and over in our journey to bring home our daughter. We are grateful that He led us to Katie and her prayers, encouragement and advice have been invaluable. We treasure the memories Darin and I made during the many months of waiting, and we see how it brought us closer together and created a better marriage. And learning more of God’s love and His care through difficult times has deepened our relationship with Him. 

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to help you!

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Uncertainties in Adoption

From the very beginning of your adoption journey until the day your adoption is finalized, there will be uncertainties. But the current situation in our country stirs up some unique unknowns. And let's face it-we hate uncertainty. We want to know what's going to happen, how it's going to happen, and when it's going to happen. As an Adoption Consultant, I know there are many questions right now. But here's the thing: the uncertainties in adoption, no matter how hard they are, are also opportunities for us to look to Jesus and proclaim the trustworthiness of God. What does that look like for us right now?

1.  Remember who God has been in the past.
"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:6-8

Let's start at the Gospel: when you were far from Him, God sent Jesus to die in your place and take the punishment for your sins. In His great love, He made you His child forever! He loves you so much that He sacrificed His Son for you. That is who God has been in your past. He has met your greatest need by sending Jesus! Now, let's look more specifically at your adoption story: how has God shown you His love, His provision, His presence so far in your adoption journey?

2. Remind yourself of who God is in the present.
"But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23  

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

God is the God of steadfast love and it's a love that will never stop. God is the God of a mercy that does not end. God is faithful; nothing will stop His faithfulness. God is our refuge and our strength. God is a very present help in trouble. This is all because of Jesus! Remind yourself of these truths of who God is right now. What about during your adoption journey today? How have you seen Him showing His steadfast love, mercy, and faithfulness today? How have you seen Him be your refuge, strength and very present help today? Call it to mind and thank Him for who He is.

3. Remind yourself who God will always be.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:9

Whatever comes, nothing will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Unchanging, full of love, your provider, with you, steadfast in love and mercy, faithful, your refuge and strength, your present help in trouble: God will always be these things! Whatever uncertainty you have right now in your adoption journey-remind yourself of who God will always be.

4.  Prayerfully seek God for direction and help.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5

"The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5,6

God wants us to come to Him with the concerns on our hearts. He is here with us and wants to give us His peace. Bring to Him the uncertainties you're walking through right now. Seek Him for guidance and help. God loves to give us wisdom as we ask. He is able to guard your heart and your mind.

Adoption is stressful enough without adding in a pandemic! But even in the midst of uncertainties, we can look to Jesus and find peace. God loves adoption and that has not changed! Let's go to Him and remind ourselves who God has been in the past, who He is right now, and who He will always be. Let's wisely do our research and take recommended precautions. And let's prayerfully seek God for wisdom and help.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

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Adoption Story: Chris + Victoria

When you hear those hard words, "She chose another family," it's difficult not to take it personally. Doubts can easily creep in. "Will we ever be chosen? Are we too old? Is there something wrong with us?" Continuing to wait on God's timing without giving up during the wait is just plain hard. I'm so very glad that Chris and Victoria held on and kept believing that God knew what He was doing. When I think back on their adoption journey, what most stands out in my mind is the incredible and beautiful open adoption God formed. From the moment that they heard about their son, they not only opened their hearts to him, but opened their hearts to his entire birth family as well. I'm so grateful to Victoria for being willing to share their story below:

Adoption can be scary and overwhelming at times but it is all worth it in the end! All the moments of uncertainty, doubt, and anxiousness from the journey just become a memory when we finally met our son. When you fall in love with your child, you will truly forget about the struggle and long journey it took to bring you together. If you're considering adoption, I want to encourage you: everything you endure is all worth it, so do not lose hope or give up on your dreams. Each person's journey will be different. As you're waiting to be matched, remember, God is working! Maybe you haven't been chosen yet because the child God has for you has not yet been born.

I know my son was chosen for us by God. We heard about our son 3 months after he was born. When we were chosen we found out that his biological mother had named him "William." We knew it was meant to be! You see, this was the name we had planned to name our son all along (if we ever had one) because it was my deceased father’s name. Coincidence? No! It was clearly God’s doing. We are so thankful that God brought us together and for the beautiful relationship we have with his birth family.

For years we were skeptical of an open adoption. Frankly, that probably stopped us for many years with proceeding with the adoption process at all. It was scary and intimidating to me because I didn’t know what to expect. However, after taking classes for our home study and learning more, openness started to be less scary. My extreme desire to have another child trumped any other reservations I had. Once we met our son's birth family, the sense of gratitude just overwhelmed me. If it wasn’t for them picking us, I would not be holding this precious child. We could not thank them enough. I have nothing but gratitude towards our son’s biological parents and family. They did one of the hardest and selfless acts that one can do by choosing to place their child for adoption. I can’t fathom how hard that was for them. I will forever be thankful and grateful that they chose us to be his forever family. Since adopting William, we have stayed in touch with texting, pictures and annually seeing the whole extended family. We have been down to Florida a few times and they have visited us as well. They send Christmas, birthday and Easter presents. Now, three years later, there is still a very deep sense of gratitude in my heart for them and I honestly don’t see this feeling ever changing. We believe that the open adoption will make it a more natural way of explaining his adoption story to him. Throughout his childhood he will never wonder who his biological family is, or where he was born. We see open adoption as a win-win for everyone but especially for my son because he is loved by so many!

I would highly recommend Katie Fenska because she always believed God had a plan for us and convinced us to never lose hope. She stayed positive when I had terrible doubts and fears of never being chosen because of our age.  She never once felt that age was an obstacle and convinced me there were many positives to being an older mom that expectant moms would appreciate. She stayed in contact regularly, and always prayed for us during the waiting time. At one point, when we were almost ready to give up, she reassured me that God had a plan and urged us to hang in there. Miraculously, we received the call a week later that we were chosen. Katie was compassionate, caring, insightful, spiritual and positive throughout the whole journey. If anyone is thinking of adopting, I would highly recommend working with Katie! She will have your best interest at heart and put all your doubts and fears to rest.

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to connect with you!

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