Parenting and Transracial Adoption: 6 Helpful Questions For Growth

  

    There are some people out there who simply love to learn; my husband is one of them. He gets energized by a syllabus, assignments, and pages upon pages of reading. Then there are those of us who are thankful we’ve put our school years and studying far behind us! But whether or not you are someone who enjoys learning, wisely parenting in transracial adoption requires willingness and commitment to pursuing growth.

    Why? Well, for starters, the stakes are high. We’ve been entrusted with the life of a child whose life experiences as a person of color will not be something we can personally identify with if we are not a person of color ourselves. In addition, most of us don’t come to adoption with much knowledge or awareness of how racial issues can impact life because honestly, we haven’t needed to think through it before, but our child will not have that option. And here’s the thing: we won’t magically gain the insight, knowledge, wisdom, and tools we need as parents of a multi-racial family. It takes humility to admit that we are desperately dependent on the Lord to help us learn! Like everything in life, growth doesn’t happen without the work of cultivating. As an Adoption Consultant, I've been honored to pray for and walk alongside many couples eager to dive into this work of growth. And in my own life, I've seen that committing to ongoing growth as a parent who has adopted transracially is crucial in the pursuit of loving my children well.

Here are 6 helpful questions for growth that we who have adopted transracially may benefit from asking ourselves regularly:

1) Do I appreciate and celebrate with my child God’s good design in creating people with many different colors all made in His image? 

2) As my child watches my life, do they see that I value those who look different than me through my friendships and my words?

3) In what ways can I better honor and nurture my child’s cultural heritage?

4) How am I seeking to learn from those who share my child’s racial identity about what it’s like to live as a person of color in America?  

5) What steps have I taken recently to grow in my understanding of ongoing racism in our country and how to work for change?

6) Am I relying on my own knowledge, or humbly going to my Heavenly Father to ask for His wisdom and help as I parent my child?

    Even though it's been over 8 years since we first brought home our son through transracial adoption, I'm not exaggerating when I say that we still have so much to learn. My husband and I are committed to ongoing growth. In fact, as I was writing this post, I was freshly challenged and I'm grateful for that! You and I will never reach a time in this life where we have nothing more to learn as a parent. Thankfully, there is an all-knowing perfect Heavenly Father, ready to pour out His grace as we look to Him. Let’s keep going to the Lord and faithfully continue the process of growth as we care for our multi-racial family!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me!

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Diversify Your Child's Library

"It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength." 

Maya Angelou

As an Adoption Consultant, pointing families to helpful resources is a passion of mine. Whatever color your family is or will become, diversifying your child's library is extremely valuable! This Black History Month, I'm thrilled to share with you 9 wonderful children's books written by black authors.  Though this list is certainly not exhaustive, the treasure of children's literature written by black authors is abounding. I hope this short list helps point you to a few great books to make your own family library more richly reflective of the beauty and strength found in diversity. 

1. "Love Gave" by Quina Aragon

Author and spoken word artist Quina Aragon beautifully shares the most important message we can ever hear-the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The poetic language and the stunning illustrations draw little and big readers alike into the majesty of what the Savior has done for us on the cross.

2. "God's Very Good Idea" by Trillia Newbell

The rescuing work of Jesus is on full display in this celebration of diversity by author and speaker, Trillia Newbell. Children are invited through these important words and vibrant pictures to discover God’s very good idea-to have lots of different people enjoying loving him and loving each other! 

3.  "Colorfull" by Dorena Williamson

Bridge-builder, speaker, and author Dorena Williamson's delightful story shows us that God made so many colors intentionally and beautifully.  Come alongside the children in this sweet book to discover and celebrate afresh how amazingly colorful our world is. 

4.  "Little Leaders" series by Vashti Harrison

Author, illustrator, and filmmaker, Vashti Harrison's Little Leaders series will inform and inspire. "Bold Women in Black History," "Visionary Women Around The World," and "Exceptional Men in Black History," share powerful stories of incredible history-shapers.

5. "I Am Every Good Thing" by Derrick Barnes

Best-selling author Derrick Barnes powerfully speaks to the beauty and brilliance of black boys. With every sentence and each scene, we see the priceless worth of their lives-they are truly every good thing. 

6. "Hair Love" by Matthew Cherry

This heart-warming book is based on the short film by the same name that won an Academy Award in 2020. As the title suggests, beautiful "hair love" is on display in these pages, as is the faithful, devoted love of a father for his daughter.

7. "Raising Dragons" by Jerdine Nolen

This is a sweet, magical tale about a young girl who has a special gift for training dragons. Jerdine Nolen beautifully takes children on an enchanted adventure that's sure to get their imaginations rolling!

8. "So Much" by Trish Cooke

Author Trish Cooke's award winning "So Much" is a joyful celebration of love and family.  The fun characters and delightful repetition throughout the book will charm listeners.

9. "Splash, Anna Hibiscus" by Atinuke

Nigerian author and storyteller, Atinuke, has created an incredibly lovable character in her "Anna Hibiscus." Readers will quickly find themselves connecting with this creative and energetic young girl as she learns about life and family.

(Note: By recommending these books, I'm simply doing that- recommending these particular pieces of children's literature. I don't necessarily endorse everything about each author or all of their works.)

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Whitney and Chelsea's Third Adoption Story

If you want to learn from adoptive parents who will teach you with humility and honesty, leave you feeling more encouraged, and point you to Jesus, look no further than Whitney and Chelsea. This precious couple has adopted three times and they have so much wisdom to share. I feel blessed to have walked alongside them during two of their adoption journeys and continue to learn from their faith. Their most recent adoption journey to their daughter wasn't easy, but as He always does, the Lord poured out His grace and His presence. Even when they walked through the challenge of an expectant mama they were matched with deciding to parent, they loved well and looked to the Lord with trust. I'm thankful that Whitney and Chelsea agreed to answer a few questions in this space. I hope you enjoy our little Q+A!

As you look back on your most recent adoption and specifically the Lord's care, what comes to mind?

This adoption took 2 and a half years plus. It was long, it was difficult, there was a failed adoption, money lost, hearts aching. But God was always near, He was always leading us, always steadying us, giving us faith to keep going, keep trusting. We believe He called us to do it, and we know He equipped us for it. He grew our faith in a great way by showing us He can be trusted at all times, and we never regret trusting him. "Without faith, it is impossible to please God." Hebrews 11:6

As you walked through adoption loss during this adoption, what truths did you cling to?

God is sovereign and He can be trusted. If He is in control of all things, working for my highest good; we can trust His good hand even when we do not know why or how or when. 

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8: 32  He gives us His very best for us at all times, drawing us more near to Him and giving us more of Him-the greatest gift He can give. 

We can trust Him when we don't see. We asked God for faith to trust Him completely in this hard time. 

Habakkuk 3: 17-19 " Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places."

My heart also sang the hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness" daily. Over and over I sang it. He has always been faithful, throughout eternity. I know it full well. 

What did you appreciate about working with Katie?

This is our second adoption using Katie as our consultant. Katie has been such a great partner in the adoption process. People often ask us if a consultant is with the extra fee, or if they could just apply to specific agencies. Hands down I tell them it is the most fruitful help we have received in any of our 3 adoptions. Katie is in our corner, she is on our team, she is for us. She has provided counsel, encouragement, prayer upon prayer. She was able to help us think well about adoption birth mother situations, how to proceed during a failed adoption. She grieved with us during that loss, rejoiced with us when we rejoiced. Even after our adoption was complete, she connected us with therapists who could help us! She just really loves her adoption families. We consider her part in our adoptions so valuable and would trust her again anytime. 

What would you tell someone who is fearful about meeting their child's birth parent(s)?

God has grown our hearts over the last several years for birth family as we have walked through adopting our 3 children. At first it seems scary, there are other parents that love this child, what if the child loves them more? How can we share the responsibility of loving this child? But God has moved in our hearts and put great love for birth family there. It is an honor to know and love their family. We are so grateful for the love and care our children's birth family have for them, and know the true blessing of that for each child. Adoption plans are made with love for the child. They are considering the child's greatest good, like our heavenly Father does for us. 

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, reach out to me. I'd love to help!

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