What We Know For Sure About 2026

As we prepare to enter the new year, there are an endless number of unknowns. And for those of us who feel a bit like we’ve been through a gauntlet of fire in 2025, the question marks over the coming year might loom large. What will become of the conflicts faced in wartorn countries around the world? What will unfold within our own country? Will the people that I love still be here next year at this time? Is my marriage going to be in a better place next year than it is now? What will happen with the situation my child is struggling with? How will sickness and suffering touch the lives of my family and friends? Is God going to do something about the things I’ve been waiting for? Will I see Him finally answer the prayers for my family that I’ve been begging Him about? If I am answering these questions honestly, I have to admit that I simply don’t know.

Instead of ignoring the question marks, I’ve found that acknowledging them helps me move beyond my anxieties about the future to the God who is already there. What do I know for sure about 2026? 

God will continue to be the true King, ruling over all (Psalm 103:19). 

God will continue to be the ultimate Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). 

God will continue to be a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). 

God will continue to be with me, never leaving me or forsaking me (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

God will be faithful to continue the good work He has started in me and in my family (Philippians 1:6). 

God will continue to meet my needs (Philippians 4:19). 

God will continue to hear my prayers (Psalm 91:15). 

God will not run out of grace for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

God will fulfill His purpose for me and His love for me will endure (Psalm 138:8).

There is a lot I don’t know about the year to come. But what I do know about God leads me to believe that He is good, and I can trust Him. That is some pretty good news as we head into 2026!

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Choosing An Adoption Consultant

Are you investigating different consulting companies, trying to decide which is the best fit for you? As an Adoption Consultant with The Joyful Adoption, here are some things I'd encourage you to consider:

There is not one right direction that you must take.

I like to compare this loosely to choosing a church to be a part of. There is not only one church that is good or worth attending (praise God)! There are some non-negotiables that you want to ensure your church has and some red flags to avoid. But, each church has a different vibe as well as their own strengths and weaknesses, and you need to find the one that is the best fit for you. What you’re looking for might be different than what your friend is seeking, and that’s ok! If a consulting company says they are the best out there, that’s questionable because there isn’t just one right/best consulting group.

The total amount of money you spend can vary drastically from company to company.

I’m not talking specifically about the fee you pay to sign on with the consultant, but about what comes next. Did you know…

• In addition to the fee you pay to sign on with the consultant, some companies recommend you pay additional application fees to a handful of agencies (with each application fee ranging from hundreds to thousands). Even if you applied to five agencies that each had a $300 application fee, that’s $1500 that you’re spending just on application fees alone. But in reality, you’re likely paying several thousands just in agency applications with that approach. (While there are other consulting companies that regularly send you adoption situations from agencies that initially waive any application fees!)

• Some companies point you to agencies whose total fees are all averaging in the $70K range. (While there are some adoption agencies that have fees that high, not all agencies do and it’s not necessary for you to pay that high of an agency fee to adopt.)

Different companies have different practices.

For example…

• Some companies won’t give out the stats you ask for about how spread thin they actually are; some consultants aren’t even allowed to tell you how many families they are currently working with! 

• In the consulting world, you will find some companies that are highly formulaic with not a lot of personal contact; the majority of their emails are canned, and the adoption situations they send all are being database-driven (not individualized). 

• There are some consulting companies that regularly forward adoption situations to you from agencies so that you don’t need to pay additional app fees to present to expectant mothers, while others rarely have situations to forward on. 

• Some consultants don’t allow you to specify what you’re open to regarding gender, ethnicity, and openness level, while others allow you to decide what your family feels comfortable with. 

• Additionally, some consulting companies send you situations but don’t tell you what agency those situations are coming from or many details involved, while others disclose what agency sent the situation and the shared information is provided.

• Some companies have goals to work with as many families as possible per year while others limit the amount of families they will work with at once to provide more individualized attention.

• Seeing families matched as quickly as possible is at the heart of some consulting groups, while others strive to equip you for an ethical adoption.

Ok, but now what?

Just like every Christian decides which church is the best fit for them, every hopeful adoptive parent looking into consultants must ultimately determine which consulting company is the best fit for them. There is no rush; take your time while you gather information. And pray! God loves to give us wisdom as we ask Him. He will be faithful to direct you to the place that will ultimately be right for you.

Don't Hesitate To Reach Out!

I'd love to share with you more about what The Joyful Adoption has to offer you to see if we are what you're looking for. Reach out at any point (katie@thejoyfuladoption.com), and we can schedule a free consultation call.

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Adoption Education Matters

 

Did you know that every state requires a different number of education hours for adoptive parents? While some states require 10 hours or more, others have very minimal requirements. Can you imagine getting ready to jump into one of the most important journeys of your life without being thoroughly equipped? You and your child deserve better. Enter, The Joyful Adoption!

At Joyful, we believe that having an adoption rooted in the joy of the Lord begins with supportive education. We have developed critical educational opportunities to assist families as they prepare to adopt. From our one-of-a-kind step-by-step adoption guide, to educational learning modules, to conversation connections with a birth mama and adult adoptees, to detailed assistance from our funding specialist, to a private online community of other adoptive families, to our personalized one-on-one support, we will diligently prepare you. We will also point you to a variety of additional phenomenal resources within the adoption world.

One of the most encouraging compliments that we frequently receive is from agencies, thanking us for preparing our families so well! Don't settle for working with an adoption entity that doesn't thoroughly equip you.  We would love to help you!

If you would like to learn more about the process of domestic adoption, please contact me at katie@thejoyfuladoption.com.

 

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Adoption Costs

 

The number one hesitation that I hear from families considering adoption is the financial aspect. It simply seems insurmountable. How can anyone afford adoption? 

How Does Joyful's Funding Specialist Help?

At The Joyful Adoption, we understand firsthand the challenge that this aspect of the process can bring. That's why we provide you with a funding specialist to help you connect with grants, loans, and fundraisers that are a good fit for you. We will listen to your specific story and the details of your financial circumstances, discuss strategic tips for grant writing, recommend grant opportunities that best match your situation, and suggest fundraisers and loans as well. 

What Kind Of Financial Assistance Is Out There?

1) A Matching Grant (This type of grant provides you with a dollar-for-dollar match; when someone donates money to your adoption through the tax-deductible grant platform, the grant org matches the amount, typically ranging from 3-6K thus often helping you raise 6K-12K or more!)

2) Outright Grants (These grants are a set amount. Some will only allow families who are matched to apply while others will work with any family who has already completed a home study.)

3) Loans (There are specific adoption loans with a variety of interest levels available. There are also standard loans from your bank.)

4) Fundraisers (There are incredible adoption fundraisers for Christian families. I have had families raise over 40K through one amazing fundraiser in particular!)

Tell Me More About Grants!

Will anyone who applies for a grant get one? Not exactly. There are many factors that a grant organization considers including (but not limited to) the number of applicants, the number of available funds, the debt a family has, the cost of living in your area, the specific factors leading to the current savings you have, the effort you've already put into your fundraising, any money you've already lost in your journey to parenthood, etc. Typically, families who make over 150K a year will have a tougher time receiving grants, though there are still some out there that will consider you and we have had Joyful families who make over that amount receive a grant. Other grants will start to cap around the 130K mark. For families who make under that, there are many grant opportunities available. Most grant applications require writing detailed essays and providing thorough information about your finances. It's not a cookie-cutter process; that's why Joyful loves to tailor the conversation to your personal story. 

How Can I Learn More?

I would love to discuss any further questions you may have about adoption funding. I have seen in my own family as well as in the lives of hundreds of other families that there are many resources available to Christians pursuing adoption. Don't hesitate to reach out to me at katie@thejoyfuladoption.com to schedule a phone call!

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Should You Start The Adoption Process in 2025?

 

Is adoption something you’ve wanted to be a part of but haven’t been sure when and how? Has the Lord been drawing you towards becoming an adoptive parent? If so, you might be wondering if 2025 is the year for you to jump into the process. Is this the right time? How will you know for sure?

While I wish that I had the ability to confidently tell you what you should do, no human can tell you if it’s the right time to adopt. That is ultimately between you and the Lord. Thankfully, He really does love to guide and direct His children! 

Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” God wants us to come to Him. He wants to give us mercy and grace. He wants to help us in our time of need. Right now, if you need His direction, draw near to Him in prayer and ask Him for help. You can confidently trust that He will give you grace!

Yet, receiving His mercy and grace to help in time of need doesn’t necessarily mean that He’s going to make the answer you’re waiting for crystal clear. Even after asking Him to lead, we’re often left to use wisdom as we make decisions in this lifetime. But I’ve got good news for you– even while we need to use wisdom, God is eager to help provide it. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” The wisdom that you need in order to decide if 2025 if the year for you to step into the adoption process will be given to you by God. What does that look like?

When my husband and I were praying about when to start our first adoption, I so badly wanted a big flashing neon sign saying, “NOW!” I wanted God to show us in an unmistakable way that it was the right time for us to start the process. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision (especially as we didn’t even have enough saved to complete our home study and it was an enormous leap of faith financially). We did come to His throne of grace. We did ask for His help and for His wisdom. And He did provide it. But it didn’t come through something flashy. It was more like a quiet confidence He provided as we asked Him to lead us. 

As we filled out paperwork with our adoption consultant, I panicked and asked my husband, “Wait! How do we know for sure that this is the right time?” I’ll never forget His answer. “We’ve gathered information and prayed and talked and sought counsel from important people in our lives. Each step we’ve taken has led us to continue. This is another step of faith, but as best as we can tell, it seems like this is where God is directing us.”

Sometimes, God does give a really obvious and resounding “NOW!” as you ask Him for wisdom. I’ve seen that come for couples through an anonymous check in the mail for exactly what they need to start their process. I’ve seen that wisdom come through couples bumping into adoptive families who all use the same consultant. I’ve seen the wisdom come through couples hearing sermons at church that God uses to assure them in their decision. I’ve seen it come through the Holy Spirit leading people to specific scriptures that are exactly what they need in that moment. There isn’t a “one size fits all” way that God gives wisdom to us as we ask, but He is faithful to give it. 

If you’re praying about if 2025 is the year that God wants you to begin your adoption journey, I would love to join you! Please don’t hesitate to reach out so that I can pray for you by name as you’re asking God for wisdom.

(Photo credit: alyssasieb)

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Adoption Encouragement: How To Find Joy, Peace, And Hope This New Year

As you reflect on 2024, there is likely a combination of precious memories that you want to hold onto and heartbreak that you’d like to forget. Maybe last year was more bitter for you than sweet. Maybe it was downright gut-wrenching. Is it even possible to walk into the unknowns of 2025 with joy, peace, and hope? Scripture answers with a resounding, “Yes!”

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

How? How can we go into this new year with joy, hope, and peace when life can be so hard? Let’s start by looking where Romans 15:13 begins: with the God of hope.

This is the way our great God is described; He is “the God of hope.” The joy and peace that we long for will never be found in today’s circumstances but instead in the God of hope. He is where we have to begin if we want real hope.

What exactly is this hope? Pastor John Piper has described Biblical hope as “a confident expectation and desire for something good in the future.” This hope is not an optimistic attitude or wishful thinking or manifesting what you want. This kind of hope is a Holy Spirit-empowered faith that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. This kind of hope is the confidence that God’s promises will be kept. Sometimes, we want that to mean that our life will be easy or that we’ll get whatever we want when we want it, or that things will turn out the way we’d like them to. But those aren't things He's promised us. What He has promised is something lasting; we have a sure and certain hope that through Jesus’s death and resurrection, we can be forgiven and spend eternity forever with Him! There is something better coming than we can ever imagine!

While none of us knows exactly what this year will bring, as Christians, we do know what is ultimately coming. We can confidently expect that our eternal future will be filled with the goodness of being with Jesus forever! As the old hymn says, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” Our hope is not in what happens to us this year or what we can accomplish. Our hope is in Jesus. 

Romans 15:13 also tells us that the God of hope is the One that can fill us with joy and peace. That means it's actually possible to have joy and peace, even when things can be hard. This isn’t something we can make happen in our hearts on our own. It is not by our power, but by His Spirit that we can abound in hope. How? Through believing.

Life is filled with ups and downs, beautiful highs, and devastating lows. Few things are unshakable or certain (especially in adoption). Will you be chosen by an expectant mama this year? Will you experience a failed adoption? Will you welcome a little one into your home? Will you gather the funds that you need? Will your wait finally be over?

Not one of us knows exactly what this year will bring, but we do know this: there is a God of hope ready to fill us with all joy and peace in believing, and by His power, we can abound in hope!

Father, You are the God of hope. We want to abound in hope this year. We want to have joy and peace in believing. Help us stop looking for hope in our circumstances. Help us look to You for the hope we long for. Whatever this year holds, we know that we have an incredible future. One day, we will see Jesus face to face where there will be no more pain or suffering. Help us live with the hope of that promise. Give us the joy and peace that comes from You alone. Amen.

(Photo by Kelly Sikkema)

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Adoption Heartbreak at Christmas

 

(Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash)

What do you do when adoption heartbreak envelops you at Christmastime? Whether you find yourself in an unexpected ongoing season of empty arms, are walking through a prolonged wait, or have experienced an adoption that didn't work out the way you hoped, Christmastime can magnify the sting of suffering. Whatever was already hurting seems to hurt more in a season that presents itself as "merry" and "bright," especially when you feel the opposite.

If that's the difficult path you're currently on, pretend with me for a moment that we're sitting down together with hot drinks, ignoring the hustle and bustle around us, and you've just shared with me the heavy weight on your heart. In this moment, where it's clear that no words can really make this all better, I want to compassionately point you to the God of all comfort. Scripture calls Him, "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction..." (2 Corinthians 1:3). Mercy. Comfort. That's what He offers you this season and what He offers is so very different than what the rest of the world does.

Well-meaning people may attempt to help but leave you feeling more isolated and more hurt. Even a spouse who wants to understand can't fully grasp what it's like for you to uniquely process these challenging circumstances. But the Father of mercies and God of all comfort knows your heart. He knows your pain. He sees and He knows and He is right here with you, wanting to comfort you in all your affliction. The Father of mercies and God of all comfort isn't frowning at you, telling you to get it together and be happy this Christmas. He isn't expecting you to pretend everything is fine or ignore that this isn't how it's supposed to be. He is telling you that He is with you and that He is your comforter. 

In Isaiah 41:10 we hear God's heart for us: "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Even now, He is ready to help you and with you. He is with you, upholding you.

This Christmas, let's remember that Jesus came and entered our world as a baby in Bethlehem. He came into the darkness of sin and suffering as the Light of the World. That baby took on flesh, grew up, and paid the price for our sins on the cross. In our desperation and sadness, He made way for hope; He gave us the promise that we can be made right with God, and one day, He will wipe away every tear from our eyes as we see Him face to face. He carried our griefs and sorrows. By His wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53). There will come a day when all things will be made new and the brokenness and sorrow of this world will be a distant memory as we spend forever in eternity with no more sorrow, no more tears. 

But until that day, while you stumble brokenhearted through this Christmas season, look to your Father of mercies. He is the God of all comfort. He is with you.

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Feeling Lost In The Adoption Process

 

The number of decisions involved in the adoption process can make you feel overwhelmed. Where do you start? How do you choose a home study provider? Should you stick with one local agency or widen your reach by applying to multiple agencies? What are realistic expectations to have about your timeline? How can you afford to adopt? Ask anyone who has ever considered adoption, and they will likely tell you they know what it's like to feel lost along the way. 

First, I want to encourage you that this is a really common experience for anyone who has begun the adoption process. A mix of being overwhelmed and excited is very normal. Next, I want to encourage you to take your heart to our Father, who compassionately cares for us; pour out all of your cares to Him because He cares for you!

If you're feeling lost as you consider adoption, I want to encourage you to reach out to an Adoption Consultant. One of the greatest benefits to working with an Adoption Consultant is decreasing that sense of overwhelm. You don't have to walk through this complex process by yourself, feeling like you're drowning in details and questions. I would love to answer your questions, hear your heart, and talk with you about the benefits of working with an Adoption Consultant for your journey. Having an adoption professional on your side who has been through the process personally and also walked hundreds of couples through the journey makes all the difference. You don't have to feel lost and overwhelmed. 

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How Does Someone Afford Adoption?

 

We had many questions and fears when we began considering adoption. We thank God that those obstacles didn't keep us from the gift of our sweet little boy! But those fears and questions matter-they shouldn't be ignored.  It's important to think through your fears and examine them. As an Adoption Consultant, one of the main concerns I hear from couples considering adoption is the issue of money; how can someone afford to adopt?

This concern is pretty understandable. Adoption is so expensive! Agency fees alone can be between 40-60K and that does not include the costs of getting a home study, consultant fees, or travel fees. If you've had the desire to adopt but feel like there's no possible way you could afford it, you're not alone.  In fact, the majority of adoptive couples have thought that very same thing. My husband, Josh, and I definitely wondered how we would afford adoption before we started our journey. Like most couples considering adoption, we did not have the money saved and ready to go when we started or any idea exactly how we would get it.

I could tell you all about tons of grants available, interest free adoption loans, adoption fundraisers and other ways to fund adoption. I could tell you about the amazing friends and family and strangers that came alongside us. I could tell you about our adoption consultant who pointed us to helpful resources. I could tell you about the hundreds of families I've seen God provide for as I've guided them in their adoption journey as their consultant.

But if you aren't moving towards adoption because you believe you could never afford it, there's probably something bigger going on than just your financial situation. The heart behind this fear isn't mainly financial in nature: I think this is often an issue of priorities and faith.

We spend money on what we prioritize.  Those of us who are concerned about adoption finances aren't usually found saying, "I want to go on a vacation someday but I can't afford it," or "I'd love a car but I can't afford it," or "I wish I could go to college but I just could never put together the finances." It's a rare thing for me to hear someone worried about adoption finances say, "I always wanted to buy a house but I could never afford one." These things are all very expensive, but we don't let that keep us from them.  

We find a way to do what matters to us.  We plan, we save, we take out loans, we work an extra job, we ask people for help, we trim our budget, we do whatever we have to do to find a way to fund what we care about. Why would we let fear of how the money will come in keep us from pursuing something way more valuable than a house or a car?  

This is a hard word to hear but I think it's important to consider. It is possible that this holdup is about something other than your finances? We look at the financial expense of adoption and think of it solely in terms of what WE can accomplish. We don't have enough money. How could we ever afford it? But if you're a Christian then your life is not your own-it belongs to Him.

"he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." 2 Corinthians 5:15

You have a God who owns everything-including all the money in the world. 

"The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts." Haggai 2:8

It all belongs to Him and He is in charge of it. You have a Father who loves His children. You have a Creator who gave everything that you might be adopted into His family! 

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 1 John 3:1

He loves adoption and He loves to provide for adoption! He will make a way to fund what He calls you to.

Beyond those things, there is a sure and certain hope that we have of God's commitment to us because of the Cross. If you are a Christian, then God has met your greatest need at the Cross. God sent His Son, Jesus, to die in your place, taking the punishment that you deserved because of your sins. He is such a wildly generous and gracious God!

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

Does this mean that God will give each of His children money for whatever they want? No. That's not the point of the truths I shared, and that would be grossly misinterpreting Scripture. I'm not saying you should jump right in and start the process without a dime to your name or that God's going to drop thousands of dollars in your lap the second you move forward. If you are deep in debt, without a job, or unable to make ends meet currently, then this is not the right time for you to adopt. But if you're in a stable financial spot and your only hold up to pursuing adoption is that you don't know how you can afford it, I want to challenge you to take that fear to the Lord. God is far more generous than we give Him credit for. Is He asking you take a step forward and trust Him? 

We began our homestudy with only a little over a thousand dollars saved.  We stand in awe at God's faithfulness to provide for our own family's adoption! 

If God is stirring your heart to consider adoption, don't stay paralyzed by your fears about finances. Don't let the fear that you could never afford adoption keep you from following His lead. Let's stop looking at what WE can do and starting thinking about what God is able to do.

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The Difference That Our Adoption Consultant Made

 

It's hard to believe that it's now been about 13 years since my husband and I brought home our son through the gift of adoption and almost 8 years since we adopted our daughter. Reflecting on our experiences, I remain incredibly grateful for the impact that our adoption consultant made! I cannot imagine our adoption journeys without a consultant. Our personal experience of seeing the difference our adoption consultant made showed me how beneficial an adoption consultant can be to your adoption journey.

As someone whose heart was drawn towards adoption even as a child, over the years, I dug into learning about it. In my teens, during college, and after Josh and I got married, I read books, watched videos, checked out blogs, and asked questions. I talked with friends I knew who had been impacted by adoption, looked into different agencies, and intently listened to stories from adult adoptees. When I met my husband, I was at Wheaton College working on a Master's Degree with a plan to head to China to work at an orphanage.

Yet, when my husband and I got ready to begin our own adoption journey, I quickly found that knowing about something is much different than actually experiencing it. Enter: our adoption consultant.

As soon as we jumped into the adoption process, it became glaringly obvious that we had a lot to learn. All the information that I had gleaned over the years was helpful, but it could not replace the years of experience our adoption consultant had during her own adoptions and walking families through the process. She helped us navigate the complexities of agency dynamics, nuances of accurate terminology, and intricacies of walking out the specifics with integrity and wisdom. She prayed for us and helped us through her support and care. She educated us and equipped us to love an expectant mom in crisis. Not only that, she also connected us to a community of other adoptive families going through the process.

Even before I became an adoption consultant myself, I was telling everyone I knew about the benefits of using a Christian consultant. Looking back on our own adoption journeys, it was one of the best decisions we made.

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Is It Helpful To Work With An Adoption Consultant When You've Already Completed Your Home Study?

 

“I’m already home study ready and waiting with a local attorney/agency. How would it benefit me to work with an Adoption Consultant at this point?" 

This is a great question that I hear frequently from families inquiring about working with me. Here are three main reasons that it’s worth it to work with a consultant, even if you are already active with a local agency/attorney:

1.  More opportunities to have your profile book shown to expectant moms making an adoption plan
2.  Personalized support, prayer, and guidance
3.  Being a part of a caring community of adoptive families

Wider Reach
I help point you to multiple agencies and attorneys across the U.S., increasing your opportunities to present your profile book to more expectant moms. Increased exposure to adoption situations often means decreased wait time; our families match with an expectant mom on average less than a year after applying to multiple agencies. (This is a difference from being a waiting family with just one agency or attorney where you present your profile book only with the expectant moms that come in to that specific office. If it’s a small local agency, likely there will not be many placements per year there despite often having quite a lot of waiting adoptive families. Often, I will hear from families that have been waiting for 2-3 years with their specific agency and have only had their profile book shown a handful of times.) 

Personalized Support
As your Adoption Consultant, my job is to be there for YOU. I don’t work for an adoption agency or with birth parents. I work with you for you. With each adoption situation that you see, I am there to help you think through all the complexities involved and pray for you. Sometimes this may mean cautioning you about a risky situation, or offering feedback about your personal letter to a specific expectant mom, getting in touch with an agency on your behalf if you have some additional questions, or walking you through how to lovingly care for a mom you're matched with. Often, my role will be offering a listening ear, sharing encouragement and scripture, pointing you towards excellent educational resources, and praying for you. In addition to being an adoption professional who is in your corner, I’m an adoptive mama who understands the emotions involved with adoption because I’ve been there (twice)!

Caring Community
Each adoptive family that I work with has the opportunity to be a part of a moderated private online adoption group. Since we have worked with hundreds of adoptive families during their adoption journey, this large community is a wealth of knowledge and support. Having a community of families who “get it” is so vital to persevering through the ups and downs of the adoption journey. These families will also cheer you on and pray for you along with me.

Here are a few stories from families of mine that started with me after already being home study ready and waiting with another agency/attorney! Bryan and Jayne, Jimmy and Kyle, Gary and Angela.

If you’ve been waiting for a while with one attorney/agency and you’re ready to have more opportunities to present your profile book, you’re ready to receive personalized support, prayer, and guidance, and you’re eager to be a part of a caring community of adoptive families, using an adoption consultant might be a great next step for you!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to be a part of your adoption journey!

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Prayer for National Adoption Month

 

(Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash)

Father, during this National Adoption Month, we lift up to you everyone who has been impacted by adoption. In the heartbreak and in the hope, make Your love known. 

God, tangibly show Your nearness and let it be felt by adoptees. As they interact with their story, remind them of Your steadfast, unchanging love that sees and knows their hearts. May Your compassion and tenderness assure them that You care. Give them Your peace, Your joy, Your healing. Give others humble hearts to listen and learn from them.

God, tangibly show Your nearness and let it be felt by birth parents. This month, as the topic of adoption is at the forefront once again, remind them that they are not alone. Thank You for being the God who never leaves or forsakes. Thank you for being the God who sees and knows hearts. Fill birth parents with the assurance of Your ongoing care for them. Give them Your peace, Your joy, Your healing. Give others humble hearts to listen and learn from them.

God, tangibly show Your nearness and let it be felt by adoptive families. As they seek to faithfully parent, guide them with Your wisdom. Give them an awareness that You are the Perfect Parent who is able to do abundantly more than they could ask or imagine. Be their strength and courage. Give them Your peace, Your joy, Your healing. Give them humble hearts to listen and learn. 

God, tangibly show Your nearness and let it be felt by women in crisis considering adoption. As they wrestle with their decision, surround them with people who care. Direct them to providers who will truly invest in their lives. Provide them with the help they need. Give them Your peace, Your joy, Your healing. Give those they share their hearts with humility to listen and learn from them.

God, tangibly show Your nearness and let it be felt by those pursuing adoption. As these hopeful adoptive parents wait to see how their journeys will unfold, give them the ability to look beyond their own stories to You. Give them accurate and helpful information to equip them. Open their hearts to reflect Your heart of kindness, patience, and love. Give them Your peace, Your joy, Your healing. Give them humble hearts to listen and learn from others in the adoption constellation.

In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray.

Amen.

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How To Choose An Adoption Home Study Provider

 

An important piece of the adoption journey is your home study. What exactly is a home study, and how do you choose the right home study provider for you?

What is an adoption home study?

A home study is the process that hopeful adoptive parents go through to become legally approved to adopt. The purpose of a domestic home study is for a licensed home study provider to determine whether or not you can provide a safe and healthy home to raise a child. It is specifically tailored to your state's requirements and involves paperwork, important clearances (such as background and security checks), a physical, interviews with a social worker, a home visit, and adoption education. Your home study provider then compiles a report about your family and determines whether or not to approve you to proceed with adoption.

How do you choose a home study provider?

Just like any other service, there are amazing providers and downright awful providers as well. How do you choose a good home study provider? As you're looking into your options for home study providers near you, here are a few tips to guide you along the way:

• Make sure you are only considering licensed home study providers.
• If you're working with an adoption consultant, you will have an advantage in receiving their recommendations; ask for their personal experience with the providers they share with you.
• Ask adoptive families around you who they used for their home study and get feedback about their experiences.
• Do a google search for "licensed adoption home study providers" in your state and spend time looking through the websites of the providers near you.
• Consider the verbiage on their website; are they using positive and up-to-date adoption language (for example, "place a baby for adoption"vs. the outdated phrase "give up a baby")?
• Search for reviews on the home study provider; are they well respected in the adoption community?
• Search to see if there are any legal cases against the home study provider.
• Call each provider that you're considering and pay careful attention to how they treat you in the conversation. Do they rush you? Are they caring and interested in your story?
• Ask how long the home study process takes with each provider you're considering, and ask what training is involved for hopeful adoptive families.
• Inquire about the fees; are they all due at once? Do they charge for mileage? 
• If you are considering taking a multi-agency approach to your adoption, let the home study provider know that. Ask the provider if they will be giving you a copy of the home study so that you can send it to multiple adoption agencies.
• Pray for the Lord's direction and follow His leading.

How Do You Know If You've Chosen A Good Home Study Provider?

Your home study provider should be someone excited to partner with you for your adoption. If you've chosen a good provider, they will be eager to be a part of your adoption journey!

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What's The Difference Between An Adoption Consultant And An Adoption Agency?

Are you considering adoption and wondering what direction to turn next? The two main paths toward adoption that hopeful adoptive couples typically take are working with an adoption agency or working with an Adoption Consultant. What's the difference, and how can you decide which path is best for you?

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN USING AN AGENCY AND USING AN ADOPTION CONSULTANT

Adoption Agencies often have wait times of several years for hopeful adoptive families, depending on the size of the agency.	Adoption Consultants typically decrease wait time by connecting hopeful adoptive parents to multiple adoption agencies.
Adoption Agencies divide their time between caring for expectant mothers and hopeful adoptive parents.	Adoption Consultants focus on providing care and education solely to hopeful adoptive parents.
Adoption Agencies work with expectant mothers.	Adoption Consultants do not work with expectant mothers.
Adoption Agencies place children with adoptive families.	Adoption Consultants do not place children.
Adoption Agencies help adoptive parents connect with expectant mothers they are working with.	Adoption Consultants point adoptive parents to adoption agencies; the agencies then connect the adoptive parents to expectant mothers.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE IF USING AN ADOPTION CONSULTANT IS A GOOD FIT FOR YOU?

Now that you have a clearer picture of the differences between an adoption agency and an Adoption Consultant, you're left to decide which route to take. As you gather information and pray about whether using an Adoption Consultant is a good fit for you, the following questions may be helpful to consider:

• Does the idea of having your own personal guide focused on helping you through each step of your adoption journey sound appealing? 
• Would you like to maximize the amount of opportunities you have to present your profile book to expectant mothers?
• Is wait time something you want to factor into your decision?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, using an Adoption Consultant could be an excellent fit for your adoption journey! 

I'd love to hear from you! Contact me at katiefenska@gmail.com.

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9 Ways to Help Your Child Process Adoption Throughout Their Lifetime

Parenthood is beautiful and it is weighty, isn't it? As a Christian mama, I want to do all that I can to help my children learn what it means to find their identity in Christ. And as an adoptive parent, I also must take to heart the reality that my kids have another identity as well: that of an adoptee. When it comes to helping our children navigate and process their adoption, it's imperative that we provide them with tools to help them along the way. This takes intentionality and effort. But where do we start? The following is not an exhaustive list but is a great place to begin as you seek to help you child process adoption throughout their lifetime.

9 Tools For Helping Your Child Process Their Adoption

1) Protect your child's adoption story
As Christians, our spiritual adoption story is close to our hearts-God adopted us into His family and we love to share about it! But our child's personal adoption story is just that-personal. As their parents, we need to fiercely protect their privacy because it's their story to tell. (You can read more tips for protecting your child's story here.)

2) Don't Assume Attachment-proactively seek it
Adoption begins with loss. Every single time. The effects of loss and trauma differ from person to person but as an adoptive parent, it's imperative that we don't ignore our child's loss or simply assume that they will attach to us. We must proactively work towards connection with our child. An excellent resource about this is Karen Purvis' work at TBRI and her excellent book "The Connected Child." Very practical steps towards fostering attachment when your child is a newborn are the following: babywearing, being the primary one to meet their physical needs (feeding, changing, holding), kangaroo care, talking to them/singing to them, and learning what "red flags" to watch for so you can seek further help if your child is struggling in this area. 

3) Talk about adoption early, openly, and honestly with your child
It's difficult to express how important this is. It's imperative that your child know about their adoption story from early on. Make sure you're talking with your child about their adoption; whether or not they are bringing it up, they are most likely thinking about it. Many adoptees share that they are afraid to ask their parents questions about their adoption because they aren't sure how their parents will react or because they've gotten the vibe that it's an "off limits" topic. Be the first one to bring up adoption with your child and do it regularly. 

4) Listen to and support your child without trying to dismiss their pain or "fix it"
The thoughts and feelings that your child experiences as they process adoption will likely vary over their lifetime. Whatever they feel, sit with them in it. If your child expresses sadness or anger or confusion about their adoption, don't change the subject, downplay it, or argue. Be your child's "safe place" by showing them they can share whatever they are feeling and it will not change your love. It is gut-wrenching to watch our children hurt and even harder to know we cannot eliminate their pain. While we don't have the power to take it away, we do have the power to be their unwavering support.

5) Help your child develop a relationship with their birth parents if possible
If you have the opportunity to stay in contact with your child's birth family, do it! Giving your child the foundation of knowing the people who share a biological tie with them can be so helpful. Valuable research has shown that some level of ongoing contact with birth parents in adoption is extremely beneficial for adoptees. Whatever level of contact you have with your child's birth parents, be sure to keep your commitments to them and assist your child in forming a healthy relationship with them if possible.

6) Listen to/and learn from Adult Adoptees
It should go without saying that an adoptee knows much better what it's liked to have been adopted than someone who was not adopted! Seek out adult adoptees and listen to their thoughts and experiences about adoption. What adoption terminology do most adoptees find hurtful or offensive? What do you hear adult adoptees saying they felt their parents did well in helping them process their story? What do you hear adult adoptees saying they wish their parents did differently? Remember there is no "one-size-fits-all" perspective that every adoptee shares, but listening to their voices is invaluable.

7) Give your child opportunities to be with other adoptees
No one likes to feel like the "only one." Give your child spaces where they can spend time with other adoptees. If you don't know any other adoptive families in your area, ask your adoption social worker or pastor if they can connect you with another adoptive family near you, look into an "adoption meetup group," and search for an adoption support group near you.

8) If you adopted outside your race, humbly learn about your child's culture
This could be an entire post of its own and there are many excellent resources out there about this topic. Just to name a few ideas: search your heart for your own racial biases, learn from those who share your child's race, provide your child with racial mirrors, diversify your own life, confront racism head-on, learn how to care for your child's hair and skin, listen to the voices of transracial adoptees, advocate for your child. There is plenty of complexity to being a multi-racial family but there are also plenty of ways to actively help your child celebrate their racial identity.

9) Don't hesitate to pursue professional help if needed
There may be times during your child's life when you or they need outside help from professionals to provide them with all the tools they need to process their adoption. Your child may benefit from professional help as they wrestle through the thoughts and feelings they have about adoption. There is no shame in pursuing counseling! A licensed professional counselor who is trained in adoption-related issues and trauma can be an incredible asset in helping your child. Ask your adoption social worker for recommendations, look into practitioners who have been TBRI trained, and ask fellow adoptive parents for recommendations. If you don't find help with the first practitioner you try, keep looking until you find the right one.

Let's take seriously the responsibility we have as parents to help our children process their adoption by providing them with as many tools as we can along the way! 

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Parenting and Transracial Adoption: 6 Helpful Questions For Growth

  

    There are some people out there who simply love to learn; my husband is one of them. He gets energized by a syllabus, assignments, and pages upon pages of reading. Then there are those of us who are thankful we’ve put our school years and studying far behind us! But whether or not you are someone who enjoys learning, wisely parenting in transracial adoption requires willingness and commitment to pursuing growth.

    Why? Well, for starters, the stakes are high. We’ve been entrusted with the life of a child whose life experiences as a person of color will not be something we can personally identify with if we are not a person of color ourselves. In addition, most of us don’t come to adoption with much knowledge or awareness of how racial issues can impact life because honestly, we haven’t needed to think through it before, but our child will not have that option. And here’s the thing: we won’t magically gain the insight, knowledge, wisdom, and tools we need as parents of a multi-racial family. It takes humility to admit that we are desperately dependent on the Lord to help us learn! Like everything in life, growth doesn’t happen without the work of cultivating. As an Adoption Consultant, I've been honored to pray for and walk alongside many couples eager to dive into this work of growth. And in my own life, I've seen that committing to ongoing growth as a parent who has adopted transracially is crucial in the pursuit of loving my children well.

Here are 6 helpful questions for growth that we who have adopted transracially may benefit from asking ourselves regularly:

1) Do I appreciate and celebrate with my child God’s good design in creating people with many different colors all made in His image? 

2) As my child watches my life, do they see that I value those who look different than me through my friendships and my words?

3) In what ways can I better honor and nurture my child’s cultural heritage?

4) How am I seeking to learn from those who share my child’s racial identity about what it’s like to live as a person of color in America?  

5) What steps have I taken recently to grow in my understanding of ongoing racism in our country and how to work for change?

6) Am I relying on my own knowledge, or humbly going to my Heavenly Father to ask for His wisdom and help as I parent my child?

    Even though it's been over 8 years since we first brought home our son through transracial adoption, I'm not exaggerating when I say that we still have so much to learn. My husband and I are committed to ongoing growth. In fact, as I was writing this post, I was freshly challenged and I'm grateful for that! You and I will never reach a time in this life where we have nothing more to learn as a parent. Thankfully, there is an all-knowing perfect Heavenly Father, ready to pour out His grace as we look to Him. Let’s keep going to the Lord and faithfully continue the process of growth as we care for our multi-racial family!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me!

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