Your ICPC Wait Can Be A Gift

So much of the adoption process is about waiting. Waiting for your home study to be finished, waiting to have enough funds, waiting to be chosen by an expectant mom, waiting to see if she chooses to parent or place her child for adoption. You wait on pins and needles until the baby is born and consents are signed. FINALLY, all of the waiting is done and your long-prayed for child is in your arms! You think the wait is over...except...hold on-there's more.  Suddenly the reality that you're in yet another period of waiting washes over you with dread! If your child was born in a different state than yours, you can't go home until you have cleared ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placing of Children). UGH! More waiting!

ICPC is the legally mandated process where paperwork must be approved between the state where the child is being placed for adoption and the family's home state before the child can cross state lines. It typically takes somewhere between 7-10 business days, but can be longer or shorter.

Over the years as an Adoption Consultant, I have seen family after family's passionate rejoicing over the child in their arms quickly turn into impatience, complaining, anxiety, or anger as they wait for their ICPC clearance to go home. It doesn't have to be this way! Your ICPC wait can be a gift. How? First, recognize the common temptations that may come and start praying for the Lord to help you with them. Then, when you're in the ICPC wait, fight the temptations with thankfulness towards God.

What kind of temptations might you face during ICPC? 
You will be tempted to complain about ICPC. You may be tempted to feel like you simply can't enjoy your baby until you're home again, tempted to fixate on the wait to be cleared, tempted to get mad at your agency or at the ICPC office for not moving faster, tempted about the money you're spending while you wait to go home, tempted to feel like you can't enjoy your new baby while you're away from your other ones, tempted to worry about work you're missing. Some (or all!) of these temptations are likely going to run through your head or heart. But you don't have to be consumed by them! Fight the temptations with thankfulness to God and your ICPC can be a gift.

Psalm 59:17 "O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."

1)  Give thanks to God for the steadfast love He has shown you throughout your adoption 
He has answered so many prayers getting you to this day. Recount His faithfulness and give thanks to Him. Remind yourself of the steadfast love He has shown you every step of the way.

2) Thank God for your child's birth mom and continue to build your relationship with her
While you're holding your precious baby, frustrated about not being able to go home yet, your child's birth mother is at home recovering from child birth with empty arms. She's made an incredibly difficult decision that's brought her tremendous loss. Thank God for her and let her know how thankful you are for this gift! If you're able, take her out to lunch, have her join in on a newborn photoshoot, or go out for dessert with her to show her your love and to have some more time with her. Those moments will be treasured forever by each of you.

1 Samuel 1:27 " For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him."

3) Focus on bonding with your baby and thanking God for this child
You don't have to go to work or clean your house or tackle your to-do list; this is a unique time where all you have to do is focus on your baby. Thank the Lord for this child's life and pray for your heart and theirs to be connected. Look into their eyes, sing to them, wear them, do kangaroo care, tell them their adoption story.

4) Thank God for your spouse and enjoy them
Adoption can be stressful and you've walked through it together. Thank God for your husband/wife! You didn't go through this alone-you walked it with them every step of the way. Tell them specific things that you thank God for about them. Enjoy the amazing reality of being a family.

Your ICPC wait can be an incredible time of gratitude towards God and a time of making memories as a family. Fight the temptations that come by giving thanks to God!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. 

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I'm Already Home Study Ready: Why Use An Adoption Consultant?

“I’m already home study ready and waiting with a local attorney/agency. What would be the benefit of me working with a consultant at this point?" 

This is a great question that I hear frequently from families inquiring about working with me. Here are three main reasons that it’s worth it to work with a consultant, even if you are already active with a local agency/attorney:

1.  More opportunities to have your profile book shown to expectant moms making an adoption plan
2.  Personalized support, prayer, and guidance
3.  Being a part of a caring community of adoptive families

Wider Reach
I help point you to multiple agencies and attorneys across the U.S., increasing your opportunities to present your profile book to more expectant moms. Increased exposure to adoption situations often means decreased wait time; our families match with an expectant mom on average less than a year after applying to multiple agencies. (This is a huge difference from being a waiting family with just one agency or attorney where you present your profile book only with the expectant moms that come in to that specific office. If it’s a small local agency, likely there will not be many placements per year there despite often having quite a lot of waiting adoptive families. Often, I will hear from families that have been waiting for 2-3 years with their specific agency and have only had their profile book shown a handful of times.) Some of the agencies on our recommended list choose to initially waive their application fee for our families, giving you the chance to present your profile book to expectant moms without paying anything to those agencies ahead of time.

Personalized Support
As your consultant, my job is to be there for YOU. I don’t work for an adoption agency or with birth parents. I work with you for you. With each adoption situation that you see, I am there to help you think through all the complexities involved and pray for you. Sometimes this may mean cautioning you about a risky situation, or offering feedback about your personal letter to a specific expectant mom, getting in touch with an agency on your behalf if you have some additional questions, or walking you through how to lovingly care for a mom you're matched with. Often, my role will be offering a listening ear, sharing encouragement and scripture, pointing you towards excellent educational resources, and praying for you. In addition to being an adoption professional who is in your corner, I’m an adoptive mama who understands the emotions involved with adoption because I’ve been there (twice)!

Caring Community
Each adoptive family that I work with has the opportunity to be a part of a moderated private online adoption group. Since I have worked with hundreds of adoptive families during their adoption journey, this large community is a wealth of knowledge and support. Having a community of families who “get it” is so vital to persevering through the ups and downs of the adoption journey. These families will also cheer you on and pray for you along with me.

Here are a few stories from families of mine that started with me after already being home study ready and waiting with another agency/attorney! Bryan and Jayne, Jimmy and Kyle, Gary and Angela.

If you’ve been waiting for a while with one attorney/agency and you’re ready to have more opportunities to present your profile book, you’re ready to receive personalized support, prayer, and guidance, and you’re eager to be a part of a caring community of adoptive families, using an adoption consultant might be a great next step for you!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to be a part of your adoption journey!

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Joel and Jaime's Adoption Story: Endurance and Hope

Photo Credit: Higher Focus Studios

Joel and Jaime so beautifully followed the Lord's guidance throughout their adoption journey, even through deep waters and grief. I feel grateful to have gotten to know them and to have been their adoption consultant! The way they have loved (and continue to love) their daughter's birth mom is a vivid picture of the deep and faithful love of God. I'm so glad that they wanted to share some of their adoption story with us.

"Patience, trust, endurance, and hope were central in our adoption journey. From the time we both felt the urge to adopt, to the time we brought our daughter home, about four years elapsed. During that time we experienced the birth and, shortly thereafter, the unexpected death of our son, Wesley. When we found out we were expecting Wesley we thought, perhaps, our hopes for adoption had been misplaced, or maybe our timing was off. We were moving toward adoption, but it appeared God had other plans for our family. We had an approved home study, and we were waiting for a baby, but we put all that aside when we found we were expecting our baby boy. Wesley was born after a healthy pregnancy, but passed away due to unexpected complications during childbirth. He was less than two days old."

"We were confused, to put it mildly. To finally reach the point of feeling we were emotionally ready to adopt, only to have those dreams set aside, then to have our baby, the reason we had set those dreams aside, die, was soul rending. We were crushed, and recovery from the loss of our son has been the hardest thing we have ever gone through as a family. We felt, almost as if it were a long-fostered spiritual reflex, that God had a plan and purpose for us, in spite of the valley we were walking through. As time passed, we again began to feel the familiar urges toward adoption."

"Prior to talking to Katie, we had been at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed. Which agency should we choose? Were we doing the things that needed to be done? Were we getting good advice? Working with Katie just made sense for us. When we considered the benefits of being able to present across a network of multiple agencies in multiple states, and having a consultant to walk with us through the process, the choice to contract with Katie was an easy one."

"After the frustrations of presenting again and again, and constantly feeling like we were being rejected, the way our adoption unfolded was absolutely amazing! We were matched with a woman in Louisiana, a mother not much younger than ourselves, who was expecting a little girl. We were guardedly excited when we got that “yes”, but we tried very hard to temper our enthusiasm, and to prepare our hearts for disappointment, should it come."

"Our daughter’s birth mom was gracious in allowing our daughter to room with us as soon as we arrived at the hospital, which was about 4 hours after our daughter was born. Those first couple weeks after birth, while we were waiting for ICPC, were especially significant. We intentionally reached out to our birth mom and we were able to spend time with her on multiple occasions, including a photo session with our daughter. We made the decision to invite her to the photo shoot, knowing it would be the only opportunity any of us would have to photograph her with her newborn baby. The pictures that came from that photo shoot are already unbelievably precious to us, and we’re so glad we invited her into our lives in that way. We hope both we and our daughter can have an open, healthy relationship with her over the years."

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Let's chat! Contact me for more info about adoption.

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Josh and Mary Beth's (Third) Adoption Story

You know when a family is currently in their FOURTH adoption process, their words are worth listening to. Josh and Mary Beth have loved big and lost big in adoption and yet they continue to love big because Jesus has loved them and they believe He's worth it all. I'm so grateful to call them friends and I know your heart will be strengthened by their story. Mary Beth shares below:

We are Josh and Mary Beth, and our family could not be more excited to welcome our sweet boy into our lives. What a journey! I cannot tell you how many adoptive families start their story with “our journey has been a little bit different...” because they all are. I have found myself saying that more than ever since our baby boy was born.

Josh and I knew that God was gearing us up to adopt our third child and that stirring in our spirits was met with excitement and anticipation. Adopting for the third time, you know how this goes. We knew we would be back to a world of paperwork, home visits, and constantly grabbing our phones to check for situations that might have popped up since the last time we checked (five minutes ago). We have LOVED watching God piece our family together through adoption. It requires us to walk so closely with Him and to rely on HIM alone which is stretching and so rewarding.

We had a feeling this would be a quick trip for us, and we were not wrong about that. We got a call as the ink was still drying on our home study that a mom wanted more information about our family. We furiously threw together a profile book to send and heard a YES almost instantly. We were beyond thrilled to watch God work quickly and set about preparing our home and hearts for this boy.

We met his sweet expectant mom and it was a perfect match. We loved her and found conversation easy and felt an instant connection. The day after our love at first sight meeting, she had an appointment. From that appointment, we got a phone call that turned our world upside down. She had lost the baby and would have to deliver him at 34 weeks. We were devastated. We thought we had mourned every single aspect life had to offer through my own inability to carry a baby. I sat in the empty nursery I had created for this boy and cried for hours.

We had a friend design shirts for us to sell as a fundraiser that said “LOVE HAS NO LIMITS #adopt", and this was our chance to put that love to the test and extend warmth and kindness and support to a woman we loved, and a baby we wanted so bad. She was scheduled to be induced to deliver him the next day and asked me if I would be there with her since he was always going to be mine. I said yes without hesitation and was so thankful for the chance to meet the boy of my dreams. I held him, named him, and kissed his perfect little head. I told him how bad I wanted him and that he would always be my first son. I held his mother’s hand as she grieved, and I knew God had me in this position because she needed me. It was awful. In all my wildest dreams, I never even imagined this could ever happen. And yet, here we were after months of being matched with this little boy. Healing from this immense loss felt impossible.

After a few months of brutal “no’s," we got a situation that my heart instantly connected with. This mom had a story that was filled with loss and pain that so closely matched the way my heart felt, and I just asked God to please allow this to be our rainbow baby. And just like that, God broke through our storm with a ray of sunshine so bright, we can’t help but smile when we think of the sweet boy God had for us to bring home. We have been so grateful for the chance to have our happy, sweet baby boy. He is PERFECTION. 

In a perfect world, we would have both of our sons in our home, but we know that we have a boy in heaven and one here in our home, and both of them bring us joy and fill our hearts with hope. And of course, because our story is a little different than most people’s...

Our son’s birth mom called us shortly after his birth to ask us if we would consider taking the baby she was pregnant with. We will be welcoming this sweet baby girl, our son’s biological sister, into our home this January. God asked us to walk a road that I would have never imagined I could ever walk, and he has taken our mourning and turned it into a literal dance party! ALL THE BABIES!

The love, support, and attention we received throughout this process has been incredible. I wouldn’t attempt adoption without the support of a consultant and the exposure that it gives your family as you wait for the little one God has just for your family. It has been hands down been worth every penny!

(Photo credit: Bethany Reed Photography)

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me!

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Bryan and Jayne's Adoption Story: Established Steps

"The heart of a man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Sit down and chat with any adoptive parent and they will tell you that their adoption journey did not look exactly how they thought it would. Hearts hold the hopes, dreams, and plans for how an adoption will play out. But ultimately, only the Lord’s plan will stand. Bryan and Jayne know this well and yet, they are quick to share about God's care each and every step of the way. I hope that hearing about their story will encourage your heart that His ways are good even though they are so mysterious!

Bryan writes, “Four years ago when our older daughter was one year old we decided it was time to start working on our second adoption. Our hope was that in a year or so we would have our second child. Those were our plans, but God had something else in mind. After a failed match and waiting for two and a half years, we were very discouraged. Our pastor happened to get lunch with Katie’s husband and somehow our story came up. Soon after we got started with Katie."

"It was a roller coaster ride emotionally, presenting to over a dozen expectant mothers, but after 10 months we were finally matched. It was two days before Christmas when we received the call that she had chosen us. What a great early Christmas gift from God! We made plans to fly down to meet her in early February (she was due March 20). But again, God’s plans were different than ours!"

"At the end of January we received a surprise call that our little girl had arrived 8 weeks early! We headed out the next day to meet our beautiful baby girl in the NICU. We would see over the next six weeks that God had gone before us and would take care of all of the details. We were able to get into a Ronald McDonald house our first night and as we checked in, a couple came into the room and introduced themselves because they recognized Jayne from Katie’s private Facebook group for her families. What are the chances that on our first night in Florida, we would meet another couple that were adopting a baby that was in the same hospital NICU as our daughter? More than that, Katie was their consultant."

"We saw God going before us in so many ways, including getting to meet A, having her visit baby J in the hospital, the friendship that developed with the couple we met that first night, the many friends and family that went out of their way to visit us in Florida, the unprompted financial support we received, our parents helping out by caring for our older daughter, and the wonderful Ronald McDonald home we were blessed to stay in. In addition to all that, God surrounded our sweet baby J with wonderful nurses and doctors who cared for her."

Jayne shares, "It was a long journey but looking back I can see the Lord in every step of the way.  There were many times of crying out to Him exhausted and frustrated and feeling like our prayers were not being answered but the Lord was and is always with us and loving us no matter what. I am so thankful that he always had J and her birth mom in mind as the answer to our prayers.” 

I feel so grateful to have watched God care for this family every step of the way. And I'm so glad that He carries out His plans even when they look different than ours.

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For more information about domestic adoption, please contact me!

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Ryan and Christi's Adoption Story: Our Multitasking God

When Ryan and Christi contacted me, the Lord had already been speaking to their hearts about bringing home a daughter through adoption. They had chosen her name-a precious declaration of God's promises, and were praying along with their boys for her and her birth mom. They got started with me and began presenting their profile to expectant mamas, faithfully praying for each. As a family, they fixed their eyes on Jesus and sought to glorify God with faith as they waited. Five months later, the Lord connected their hearts with the heart of an expectant mama. There really aren't words to describe the awe of finally hearing that you are chosen! They celebrated the new year with the birth of their precious little girl.

Christi kindly shares about God's work in their hearts along the way:

God definitely showed Himself in powerful ways throughout our adoption journey and we are certain that will continue. There are six words that come to mind when thinking through our adoption process.  

Waiting.  Waiting on God in His perfect timing and His plan was difficult at times. It was more about our relationship with Him than us getting the child we were waiting for.  He was using the time to work in our hearts to be trusting Him and looking to Him to meet our needs.  He loves and cares for us in the waiting.

Provision.  Over and over again God showed that adoption was His plan for us.  He provided finances, money raised at the perfect time, people to help us along the way who had adopted, our consultant and the community in CAC. He also blessed us with people who listened and prayed during the process.

Trust.  Trusting that His timing is perfect and not ours. Trust that He cares for us and the details of our lives. Trust that He will guide us in each step. Trust that He will be working in and through us to display His Glory. Trust that He is who He says he is no matter how we feel or what we are experiencing.  

Sovereignty.  He is Sovereign and already knew the outcome and child we would have before we even started in the adoption process. This truth is one we clung to. There are so many unknowns in adoption and several steps of faith. Knowing He is Sovereign gave such peace and comfort. We knew that even when the waiting was hard or we were discouraged that we could cling to the fact that He is walking through this with us and already knew the outcome. He is the great all powerful God that has always been there and knows what will occur. We can trust His sovereignty amidst the journey. His plan was perfect while it may not be the plan we thought.

Near.  God is near. He doesn't leave us or forsake us. He is with us at all times. His presence is so comforting. He is part of every single detail while carrying all the burdens we lay at His feet. He is with us even if we don't feel it. Our knowledge of His presence being close is so comforting in the hard moments.  

Grateful.   We are so grateful for our journey, even now as it continues well past the official adoption date. We are grateful most importantly to the Lord and for the many people who have been a part of our journey.  It was so helpful in each step of the process to have someone who has gone through this multiple times. We have so much to be thankful for.  

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For more information about domestic adoption, please contact me!

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Kevin and Katie's Adoption Story: Love Never Ends

Families come to adoption from many different circumstances filled with a vast array of emotions. As Kevin and Katie first shared with me about their family and the loss of their daughter, I could sense both the deep sorrow and deep hope their hearts held as they considered adoption. I have never lost a child and I won't pretend to know what it's like. But as I walk with adoptive families who are grieving it is my heart's desire to love well with much compassion and sensitivity. We talked at length about what adoption situations might be best for them to minimize risks as much as possible. And we prayed that God would grant them their desire to adopt a baby girl.

"The very first time we ever spoke with Katie on the phone it was like speaking with a long time friend. She was always there for us listen to our concerns and was there to give encouraging words. We definitely felt like we could tell her anything. She helped us to stay strong and to have faith. I knew that I could always call or text her anytime and she was always there to listen and to pray for our family. It's such a good feeling to know that many things come out of adoption, not just a baby, but friendships as well." - Katie

While they worked on their home study, I worked on their profile book and then Kevin and Katie began presenting their profile to expectant mamas. Presenting takes courage; it is putting your heart out there with the knowledge that you may hear a "no" in response. Starting in October of last year, they bravely began putting their heart out on the table again and again and again, waiting for their "yes" to come. It was not easy. (It never is.)

Finally, nine months later they heard the words they had been waiting for: "She chose you!" Kevin and Katie built a beautiful relationship with the expectant mama they were matched with, in many ways loving and supporting her just like family.

"We were so nervous and excited to meet her.  It was long a drive. Lots of prayers were said. Finally we made it.  We greeted with a hug and it was great to finally see her in person. A relationship and bond was formed. We were so surprised how honest and upfront she was in telling us her story and feelings. We went to eat and continued to build our relationship." - Katie

They were able to be there for their daughter's birth in October, sharing with her birth mama beautiful memories as they all welcomed this loved little girl into the world!

"We honestly weren't sure where this adoption journey would take us. The pain of failed IVF, difficult pregnancy and then losing a child is indescribable. God kept calling us towards adoption. After a year of not even discussing another baby, we couldn't wait any longer and began the process. Adopting a baby will never replace your baby. But just when you think your heart can't take any more, it is filled with more and more love. The days get brighter and easier." - Katie

This love this precious family has is so evident as they enjoy their sweet girl! My heart about explodes each time Katie texts me a new picture and I am reminded, there is no limit to the love a heart can hold.

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me!

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