Brent and Leslie's Adoption Story

One of my favorite things about being an adoption consultant is getting a front row seat to the deep work of faith growth that God regularly does in hearts along the way. It inevitably challenges and strengthens my own faith as I watch God speaking to the adoptive parents that I work with. Now about three years after Brent and Leslie brought home their daughter, I continue to give thanks for the ways they sought God in the midst of questions and difficulty. Leslie reflects back on their adoption journey:

Never say never. I vividly remember sitting in our church around ten years ago listening to a visiting pastor talk about he and his wife’s adoption story. I thought to myself and even told my husband that adoption was just something I could never do.

Fast forward some years and a house full of boys later....after experiencing complications in my pregnancy that made any further pregnancy extremely risky, we knew that God closed that door so that we could see Him swinging the one to adoption wide open.

Thus beginning our adoption story, that was nothing like I had planned, but thanks to the faithfulness of God exactly what we needed- both in the journey and the result.

To be very honest, when we started the process my “plan and expectation” was that we would be matched extremely quickly with the momma of a baby girl who would want a semi-open to closed adoption, and I would have leaned more in the direction of closed.

And then God... 

First, during our home study process God used the experiences that adult adoptees shared to begin to crack open my mind and help me see the benefit in open adoptions. My heart began to change and we began to present to a wide array of situations, expecting to match quickly. And then we got one “no,” then two, and then three. And then we got a “YES!” We were so so excited! A baby girl due to be born in 10 weeks. We made our plans, began to buy plane tickets and book our lodging. A week later we got the call that everyone fears. She had changed her mind. Failed adoption.

We all just cried together and suddenly, my oldest stood up and yelled out, “WHY?!?!? Why did she change her mind? I wanted that baby girl so much! I WOULD DIE TO HAVE HER!” And in THAT moment, I knew the heart of Jesus like I had not known before. His willingness to go to the cross so that He could have us in eternity with Him.

A failed adoption was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but one of the most teaching. It was through that experience that I drew closer to God than maybe ever before. He wouldn’t “waste” this trial. He would turn it for our good and His glory! We were totally reliant like we never were before, because this deep DEEP longing for a daughter was FULLY dependent upon His provision of her. And so I would sit praying with both desperation and expectation. Waking up every day and think, “Is today the day?” Presenting to situation after situation, both forcing myself to be vulnerable enough to risk the heartache of another “no” again, and trusting the Lord enough to wait on Him. They were long, hard, faith testing days.

This was the time when we saw the infinite value of having Katie!!! It was beyond words helpful to have someone who had both walked the adoption path themselves, but also walked it with so many others. She had watched and could testify about the faithfulness of God in people’s story- EVEN in the hardest times. She sent me articles and books to read, one with the quote I will never forget—“That which makes us pray more, is for our good.” She was many times our Godsend, working as His hands and feet to make sure we kept our focus on Him. I don’t know how we could have done it without her!!!

And then one day Katie called. She was calling about a situation that was complex. There were some medical unknowns, even some potential concerns, and the financial situation would be more of a stretch for us than we had planned it to be. We got some more information about it and decided to present. And then it was silence for days. Late on a Saturday night, on our 11th anniversary, we got a call saying it was a YES!!!! Baby girl was due in 20 days!

At the hospital, we watched as her birth parents held and kissed her in awe and love. The time we had getting to know them more was incredible. And then, the next day, a tiny, beautiful, 5lb 4oz baby girl was now our daughter. Our baby girl! All our waiting, all the heartache, all the unknowns, it was all worth it at that moment. She was ours. God had given us this amazing gift. A daughter!

And it was simply all God. All of it. Him changing our hearts towards open adoption. Him closing all the doors to all of the other situations. Him allowing the failure, to create in our hearts a longing for a daughter so that we would consider a situation that we might not have otherwise. Him bringing us to this family, to this beautiful baby girl. All of it was God and may it all be for His glory! Always! I cannot even believe we have a little girl who is almost three.  She is a beautiful, spunky, sweet, opinionated little thing, who we love more than words can express!  She truly has completed us! 

And now, almost three years later, our continued experience with open adoption continues to be a complete blessing!  We have a closed Facebook page with her birth mom and dad, her birth grandmother, two aunts, and one uncle and we share pictures and videos, which allows them all to watch her grow.  We FaceTime with her birth mom every six months or so at least, but we message back and forth weekly.  Upon occasion, we are able to message with others in the group as well! I know this will be SUCH an important thing for our daughter as she grows, understands more about adoption, and can know more about her birth family.  What I once feared, is something I now cherish so deeply and am forever grateful for! 

For more info about domestic adoption please contact me at katiefenska@gmail.com!