Adoption Story: Brad and Christie's Happy Anniversary

This sweet couple just happens to be celebrating eleven years of marriage today! That makes sharing their story of adoption and love even more special.

The way that Brad and Christie have cared for one another throughout their long journey to parenthood is pretty remarkable. It's so easy to be consumed in the waiting, losing sight of the precious gift of marriage while waiting for the precious gift of a child. But this couple was committed to prioritizing their relationship come what may.

They got started in 2014, were matched about 9 months after they applied to agencies, and their adorable son was born this July. They happily wanted to share their story:

"When we first married, we intentionally waited to begin growing our family. We wanted to cherish our time together for a few years and really build a strong foundation for our marriage. 
With every infertility hurdle, we became closer. While getting things in order to begin adoption, we had fun spending those years traveling to Italy, tailgating at football games, playing golf, and playing like the big kids we were. While waiting to be matched, we prayed harder, loved bigger, and grew even closer. It was the most difficult thing we have ever experienced, but God made good on that desire he put in our hearts! That is the blessing of it all. Our hearts melt when we look into Connor's eyes. He makes all those negative pregnancy tests and adoption match 'No's' more than ok. All they really meant was that it wasn't time." 

Another thing about this couple that stands out in my mind is the way that God worked in their hearts about a building relationship with their little one's birth mama. When I first talked with them about CAC, they were very hesitant about the idea of any ongoing contact with birth parents in adoption. But God had another plan for them. As they humbly laid their hearts out before Him, listening for His voice, their hearts were shaped and molded to match the plan He had for them. Christie shares,

"Oh goodness. I don't even know if we can fully explain or even yet comprehend how much Brad and I love her. She must be one of the Lord's angels, because there is no earthly explanation for how special she is. She is almost like our cheerleader! She checks on us to make sure we are all doing good and see if Connor is letting us sleep. On his 1 month birthday, she texted to tell us "happy 1 month of being awesome parents." To say that was humbling is an understatement.  So as best as I can put it - We are beyond grateful for her choosing to give Connor life and letting us be his parents. We love her in this special, miraculously, big way."

When I look at the deep, committed way that Brad and Christie love one another, their son, and his birth mom, I see the Author of love. They are living out-loud, 1 John 4:7 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God."

Brad and Christie, I have no doubt that with the grace of God, your commitment to God and to one another, and with this sweet son in your arms, you're in for one of the best years of marriage yet! Happy Anniversary!

(Note: photos courtesy of Reflections by Amanda and Anna Hotz Lard.)

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Adoption Story: Gary and Angela (and His always and forever love)

The road that Gary and Angela have walked as they’ve waited to become parents has been a treacherous one. I’m not sure that I know of any other adoption story quite so etched with heartbreak and tears. But the amazing thing about their story isn’t that it’s been filled with sorrow. The amazing thing is that even before they brought their son home in May, God was drawing them near and they were still praising His name.

Before Gary and Angela reached out about using an adoption consultant in June of last year, they had been in the valley of the shadow of death for quite a while. Multiple pregnancy losses. Multiple failed matches. Multiple failed adoptions. And most excruciatingly, the incomparable loss of the little boy they loved as their own for eight months as he fought for life in the hospital.

(As you can see in these pictures, every moment of this precious little guy's life on earth was covered in love.)

No one would have batted an eye if Gary and Angela had said, “This is it. We’re done trying. This is just too hard!” But Angela has always had the passionate heart of a mommy and Gary has always had the tender heart of a father. They looked to their Heavenly Father, longing to trust Him, and kept going.

Still, after having been through so much already, their hearts were so fragile. They simply could not jump into every potential adoption situation that came their way. Together we prayed and we waited for the right situation to come. Thankfully, God is not just the King of the Universe. He is also a compassionate, gentle Father. He was ever present, caring for them like a Shepherd-guiding, protecting, upholding and leading them one day at a time. There were plenty of “maybe’s” while God was doing a powerful work of healing in their hearts. And then one day, seemingly out of no where, God led them to their “yes.” The “yes” that He knew was coming all along.

Their “yes” could not have been more perfect for them. They were matched at the beginning of February and their beautiful son was born this May. As I think of their sweet son at home in their arms and the years that they wept waiting for him, I can’t help but worship! The God who did not leave them, but sustained and carried them, is the God who brought them to this day of rejoicing.

Gary and Angela, when I look at your story, I see Him. Truly, He loves us with a "Never stopping, never giving up, un-breaking, always and forever love.” (The Jesus Storybook Bible) My heart is overflowing with love for your family and praise to the God who brought you to this happy day!

(Note: professional photos courtesy of Kelly Ralstin.)

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Adoption Story: Don and Mel

I am just bursting with happiness for this sweet family who just finalized the adoption of their son! Watching them honor God throughout their adoption process was such an encouragement to my heart.

Don and Mel got started with adoption consulting in August of last year already very familiar with the ups and downs of adoption. They had experienced a heartbreaking international adoption journey that didn’t result in bringing a little one home. They knew all too well the reality that adoption can be a difficult rollercoaster ride of faith. And that is exactly what their domestic adoption journey has been. But oh, how God has shown His faithfulness in giving them peace along every turn!

They began presenting their profile in September 2014 and were quickly chosen that same month by an expectant mama due in January. Almost immediately the obstacles came. Difficultly accessing information, complex potential health issues for the baby, a complete change in some of the expectant parents’ preferences, a change in due date, confusing and foggy uncertainties that just kept coming and coming and coming. Mel and I had countless conversations about all of the unknowns.  Again and again we recounted what knew for sure in all of it: that God is trustworthy, that He is mighty, that He knows what He’s doing, that He is good. In the midst of unknowns, He poured out His peace on their hearts.

At one point, Mel called and let me know the latest turn in the story…they had just been informed that (due to some more unforeseen circumstances) someone else would likely now be adopting this child. There were many tears and we all felt shocked and frustrated. But God wasn’t surprised and He was not done with their story. Again they surrendered to Him and again He brought peace in the midst of unknowns. And what appeared to be the impossible suddenly became possible again. The other adoptive family was no longer wanting to move forward and once more, they were back to preparing for this baby's birth.

When he arrived, they chose to give him a name that means “peace.” This boy's life is a testimony to God’s love and care…a beautiful reminder that our Father always knows what He is doing, even when chaos swirls around us. God is our peace. I’m so thankful to have watched His peace reign in this family’s story.

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Adoption Story: Derek and Malissa

Derek and Malissa began working with me back in September. They had friends who adopted with the assistance of an adoption consultant and had been praying for a while about when to start their own journey. I remember the first time I spoke with Malissa; I was immediately struck by her heart for God and her desire to follow Him in each step of their adoption process. I remember telling my husband after that phone call, “Whatever happens in their adoption, they are going to handle it well. Their hearts just want to please the Lord."

They were home study ready in November and began applying to agencies right away. Three months later they were matched! They lovingly invested their hearts in the life of the expectant mama, praying for her precious baby and preparing for his arrival. But this little one was not the child God had for them. Through the heartbreak and tears, they clung to one another and the Lord, believing He would bring their baby in His timing.

At almost the same time they were processing their loss, they heard about another woman getting ready to choose a family for her baby. After praying, they decided to put their hearts on the line again and they were chosen! But this time, everything felt different. They had an immediate connection with the expectant mom and dad and a sense of peace flooded their hearts. When they travelled and spent time with the expectant parents, conversation flowed easily and they all felt joined together on the same team for sake of this little one. Derek and Malissa knew there aren’t guarantees during this part of the adoption process, but they just felt the abiding peace of God.

Their little man entered the world at the beginning of June. He is the son they have been praying for all along and he is so very loved by his proud big sisters!

Derek and Malissa, your son is such a picture of God's love and faithfulness. I will never forget the ways that you trusted Him to write your adoption story, even when it wasn't easy.

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Twin Adoption Story: Jesse and Brooke's Babies

When you’re around adoption even just a little bit, you start to notice some similar threads with each unique story. You will start to see God’s fingerprints there each time, declaring that His timing is always perfect and that He is always working for good in all of the details. Check out the wild ways He vibrantly revealed Himself in Brooke and Jesse’s story...

In June of last year, Jesse and Brooke got started with their adoption. They began their home study process right away and then they waited, and waited, and waited some more for it to be finished. They were so ready to start presenting but summer passed and then fall ticked along, and still they waited for their home study to be ready to go. Jesse and Brooke held tight to truth that God’s timing is always perfect and trusted that He was up to good.

Fast forward to the end of October and Jesse and Brooke were finally home study approved. I forwarded them an adoption situation: twins due in the spring. They read it over but hadn’t thought much about adopting multiples and shrugged it off, deciding not to present. Other families presented but as the expectant mama looked at profiles, she just didn’t quite feel like she found what she was looking for. A couple weeks later, I received word that a family still had not been found for these boys and I sent the situation out again. Brooke says,

"I thought, 'Ok Lord, are you trying to tell us something?!' We prayed about it and felt God clearly saying, ‘Yes, present!'  We got to a place of peace knowing that He could open or close the door."

While they were waiting to hear if they were chosen, I got a text from Brooke about God’s timing. She told me that almost exactly four years earlier they had found out that they had lost the twins Brooke was pregnant with. God is such a redemptive God with His timing, even when it comes to dates that hold great sorrow.

The twins’ birthmom knew that Jesse and Brooke were what she was looking for. They formed a tight, fast bond, joined together with a common love for the boys. (If you want a picture of how beautiful open adoption can be, look no further than Jesse and Brooke’s story. They all consider one another family.) Countless details confirmed to all of them that this was God’s doing. Here’s one pretty incredible example that Brooke highlights:

"Prior to being matched God had laid the verse Jeremiah 29:11 on Jesse's heart and kept laying it on his heart.  He woke up one night and journaled it even!  When we had our first visit with our boys’ birth momma we hadn't heard her whole story. As she began to tell us, she included how she started to claim Jeremiah 29:11 for these boys lives!  Jesse teared up and told her to open the small gift and card we brought her.  I had no idea!  In the card he wrote out the verse!  God had so many of these confirmations along the way. It's just crazy.  It was so clear to us and their birthmom."

He truly is in every detail. And God’s perfect timing? Well, on almost the exact day Jesse and Brooke signed up with their consultant and started praying for their birth momma, the twins were conceived. These precious, sweet baby boys were born in March and their story speaks so clearly of God’s hand at work.

Jesse and Brooke, I could look at pictures of your family over and over and never get tired of it. God’s plans really are so perfect, aren’t they?

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Adoption Story: Jimmy and Kylee's Birthday Miracle

I have been waiting to share this adoption story with you for quite a while now. Today is the day! Every time I think of Jimmy and Kylee and the details surrounding them becoming parents, I seriously squeal! Really, it's that amazing! I promise you, I could not make this stuff up.

Jimmy and Kylee got in touch with me on August 9, 2014 after they were pointed in our direction by another adoptive family. I had a long conversation with them on the phone where I could almost picture them on the edge of their seats. They were SO ready for their long wait to be over and could not wait to get started. God did something during our conversation and just like that my heart was connected with theirs; they were fast friends. There was just this energy and almost palpable sense of anticipation between all of us that God was about to do something big. Little did we know what God had in store...

A couple of days after that phone call, Jimmy and Kylee got started with me and I immediately began sending them adoption situations. After a year and a half of waiting at their agency and seeing nothing, they suddenly had hope that God wasn't done with their story. They knew there was a child He would bring to them and they were so thankful for the opportunity to finally start presenting their profile.

Then almost exactly a month later, I got an email about a little baby girl who needed a family; the agency said they needed to know immediately if anyone wanted to present their profile. It was around lunch time and I knew that Kylee was in school teaching. She wouldn't be checking her email until it would be too late to present. Thankfully, a couple days before that Kylee had said, "Katie, call me ANY time at school. Page me if you need to. Don't hesitate. My whole school is cheering us on in our adoption and they can't wait to see us become parents." (How awesome is that?) So, I spoke with the office and they put me through to Kylee. I love imagining her in her classroom filled with little kids, hearing my hyper-excited voice on the line as I shared about the situation. She didn't even need time to think about it. She knew they wanted to present. This was what they had been waiting for and she knew it.

The weekend came and we waited to hear about the birthmama's decision, Kylee emailed me this:
"This is awesome and my birthday is Monday!!!!!! Wouldn't this be a fantastic birthday gift? In fact, I have already taken a personal day to be off with my family that day. Praying for God to give this baby girl exactly what she needs."

Monday arrived and we knew a decision was coming. I was in my car, praying like crazy for Jimmy and Kylee and even my four year old was praying earnestly, "Please, help Miss Kylee have this baby for her birthday!" Kylee and Jimmy were about to go nuts waiting to hear an update. And then the update came. I got a hysterical call from Kylee and could barely even understand her. They had been chosen! Talk about an incredible birthday gift! They rushed to Florida as fast as possible and on September 16, they met their daughter for the first time. It was as if they had known each other forever.

I'm not sure I've ever seen two people more in awe at God for the gift of being parents. Every single time they mention their daughter, they stand amazed at His goodness. They know without a doubt that their daughter is a miracle from Him. This sweet ones adoption was just finalized and that awe has not dwindled even the slightest for Jimmy and Kylee. Only God can write stories like this. He is worthy to be praised!

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Adoption Story: Ryan and Ashleigh

There is much beauty to be found in these gorgeous photos of Ryan and Ashleigh's smiling adorable family. But there is an even greater beauty beyond the cute clothes and wide grins. These photographs whisper a story of faith that is far more stunning than any picture can convey. Here are some small glimpses of the beauty beyond the photos:

Fighting for Faith

Ryan and Ashleigh began their adoption journey in February 2014. In July they applied to agencies and the fight for faith quickly began. Incredibly stressful circumstances popped up out of nowhere and they wondered if they would be able to move forward as planned. It seemed pretty clear that the Enemy was hitting them on multiple sides, trying to shake their faith and halt their adoption. But they stood firm together, knowing that God had led them to adoption and He is victorious and mighty. 

Fighting Together as One

Ryan and Ashleigh sought to honor God as a team throughout the process. It is easy to try and push your emotions and your desires on your spouse when you’re adopting…to make each decision a battleground instead of an opportunity to stand together as one. But Ryan and Ashleigh were committed to wrestling through the hardest parts of the journey as a team. I watched as they prayed together, sought counsel together, talked together, and waited before the Lord together for direction about whether or not to present time and time again. They wanted to love each other even when they didn’t see eye to eye. And God never failed to lead them.

Investing Their Hearts

After 3 months of presenting, the day they had been praying for finally arrived. They were chosen! They built a loving, gracious relationship with their daughter’s birth mama and committed to pouring out love on her. Two months later when it was time for their daughter to be born, Ryan and Ashleigh were awed to see how much their daughter's birthmom loved them, too. She had even made them shirts that said, “Mom” and “Dad” and gave them to Ryan and Ashleigh to wear at the hospital!

The Beauty of A Daddy and Mommy’s Love

One of my favorite aspects of beauty beyond these pictures is found in the depth of emotion Ryan and Ashleigh feel towards their daughter. Ryan shared with me, "When we got home from the hospital she was ours. There was no difference...she felt like our biological children. There was no adjustment or transition phase of getting attached.” Ashleigh agrees, “Ryan is irrevocably beyond in love with her and so am I! It's all worth it. The paperwork, the waiting, the money, time, etc... I could not imagine my life without my daughter."

Ryan and Ashleigh, God has seen the beauty of your faith throughout this journey. And as a side note, I'm so grateful for the encouraging friend you've been to me throughout your adoption. I feel honored to have watched God be victorious in your story! 

**Photo Credits: Esther Bloom Photography and Photos by Kelley Anderson

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Adoption Story: Jared and Christy

Most couples enter marriage starry-eyed, hopeful, and filled with dreams for the future. A part of that dream often includes the hope that a tiny little person will enter the picture one day. Jared and Christy know that dream well, but it remained a dream far longer than they’d expected. 

After trying to have a family, going to the fertility doctor, and even waiting some more, Jared and Christy’s dream to become parents remained just that-a dream. They could have given up when becoming parents didn’t happen quickly. They could have looked at adoption and turned aside knowing the costs and the details and the risks involved. But the longing in their hearts to become a mom and dad far outweighed it all. They knew that their child would be worth every difficulty along the way, though it was far more of a roller coaster of emotions than they ever expected. 

They began their adoption process and after working with their local agency for over a year, became very discouraged about the lack of adoption situations that fit what they were looking for. After hearing about the option to use an adoption consultant from another adoptive family, they decided that a multi-agency approach was what they needed. They got started in June 2014 and after I created their profile, they began presenting to expectant mothers making an adoption plan.

They were encouraged to have more opportunities quickly come their way, but their hard wait was not over. Jared and Christy share:

“Soon thereafter, we were matched with a young expectant mother. Though we walked through all of the steps with her, cared for her, and were ready to meet and take the newborn baby home, we were met with the unexpected-a failed adoption. Though we were greatly disappointed and discouraged, we knew God had a plan and a reason for saying, “No.” 

Again and again Christy would tell me, “We know that God’s timing will be perfect.” They believed He was not done with their story. Christy shares the following:

“We continued to move forward with our adoption plans, though the situations we received just didn’t seem like a good fit for us. We did our best to just trust God and stick to our criteria, despite the discouragement. Finally in April, after two and half years of waiting and trusting, a big surprise came.  We got THE CALL!  With no prior notice, our son had arrived that morning!  As we hurriedly prepared to meet our son, we saw with our own eyes God's good plan!” 

Now their long-awaited dream is a reality, and they are soaking up every moment as a family of three! I’m so glad that they did not give up, and I thank God for their beautiful dream come true!

(Photos courtesy of Herr Photos.)

For more information about domestic adoption, please contact me. 

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Happy 4th of July Weekend!

Happy 4th of July weekend from some of our sweet adoptive families! If these pictures aren't a reminder that our world is filled with beauty, I don't know what is!

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Adoption Story: Hayes and Kara

Hayes and Kara live their lives all out for Jesus. Every time I’ve interacted with Kara, I’ve left encouraged and reminded of Christ’s worth and beauty. From the get-go, this couple’s adoption journey was about Him and not about themselves. It was incredible to watch.

Hayes and Kara got started in July of last year. They began working on their home study while I got started on their profile and in December they were ready to apply with agencies. At the beginning of February they presented their profile to an expectant mama and she loved them. They were matched!

Kara sweetly referred to this expectant mama as “my new bff.”  While they prepared for the baby coming soon, she and Hayes put their focus on loving this woman, showing her the care and compassion of Jesus with their listening ears and kind words.

As their adorable son entered the world, they continued to stand firm in their commitment to love no matter what. When all around there was stress and heightened emotions and exhaustion and drama, they looked to their Father and they chose love. They stood firm on their conviction that this adoption was not about them, but about their amazing God. They tenderly cared for their son’s birth family, beautifully walking out Philippians 2:3-5: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…"

Hayes and Kara, thank you for giving me a picture of what it looks like to truly reflect God’s heart in adoption. The way you've loved your son’s birth family so deeply and beautifully takes my breath away. 

(Professional Photos credit of Christina Rosario Photography.)

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Why We're So Thankful We Used a Consultant

When Josh and I got ready to adopt back in 2012, the Lord led us to use an adoption consultant to guide us along the way. As we look back on our journey, we cannot imagine having walked through adoption without our consultant!

Here are some of the many reasons that we thank God for the role that our consultant played in our adoption story:

1) Decreased the Risks

Domestic adoption has some risks.  While all adoptions have risks, a good adoption consultant helps their clients sort through the level of risk involved with each situation and gives invaluable information to help adoptive parents make informed decisions in their adoption journey.  Most adoption consultants work primarily with "safe states" that are adoption friendly (where consents are generally signed in 24-72 hrs.).  

2) Exposure to multiple agencies and attorneys 

Working with multiple agencies helps you have more exposure to more potential adoption situations. Instead of being one family in a line with many at only one agency, working with an adoption consultant makes it possible for you to learn about more adoption situations and so have the opportunity to show your profile more frequently. Out of the hundreds of agencies and attorneys out there, it's difficult to know which are working ethically and are in need of more adoptive families. A good consultant has done that legwork for you! 

3) Significant decrease in wait time

Working with only one agency means that you are most likely one of many clients waiting in a long line to adopt.  In a traditional approach of only working with one agency to adopt a newborn domestically, many adoptive couples wait 2 years or more before they are matched with an expectant mom.  Because consultants help you find multiple good agencies and attorneys who are eager to work with adoptive families, the wait time when you're using a consultant can often be significantly decreased.  As in, most families are matched within a year after applying with multiple agencies. We applied to agencies at the beginning of June 2012 and brought our son home in August 2012.

4)  Help from someone who is genuinely knowledgable AND really understands.

The good adoption consultants out there typically have adopted before themselves and have accumulated an enormous amount of knowledge and experience related to adoption. They know what it's like to adopt because they've been through the process personally (sometimes multiple times).  They are an incredible wealth of knowledge and information (which is great)!  But their knowledge is coupled with a heart that has experienced the joys and challenges of adoption.  Because of that heart, they are extremely quick to respond to questions from clients (no waiting weeks to hear from them!).  Because of that heart, they pray regularly for their clients.  Because of that heart, they are a constant encouragement and help to adoptive families.  

5)  Benefits that far exceed the cost

Yes, hiring an adoption consultant isn't free. But in our opinion, the benefits of working with one far exceed the cost.  In the grand scheme of adoption expenses, it really isn't a lot to hire someone who will make a priceless difference in your adoption journey.  We received extremely helpful and well-informed answers to countless questions.  We were connected with wonderful attorneys and agencies.  We were encouraged, supported, and prayed for every single step of the way. We were directed to awesome adoption grants and loans. We were blessed with having someone who was really on our side (much like a midwife who coaches you all through your pregnancy, labor, and delivery). And we joined an incredible community of fellow adoptive families who became fast friends and continue to be a source of information and support.

To be really honest, we feel that we got way more than we paid for. We had such an incredible experience with our consultant, Tracie. I am so thankful for the opportunity I now have to help families in the same way that we were helped. 

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Adoption Story: John and Linnea

I met this lovely couple over eight years ago and they live close by me so they have an extra special place in my heart! It's been such an honor for me to serve their family on their adoption journey. Their story is one of faith and of beautiful surrender.

At the beginning of October 2013 John and Linnea got started with their adoption consultant. They were so eager and ready to bring home a baby sister for their little ones. They hoped it would be a swift process, but God had other plans in mind.

Their home study wasn't ready to go until April 2014. Then there were many difficult "no's" and more waiting that simply did not make sense. Yet, they continued to fight for faith, praying for grace to lay down their own time-line and fighting to surrender to God's good plans.

Then, after about seven months of presenting and waiting for God's "yes," their time finally came. Linnea shares more:

"When Gideon was going to fight the Midianites, God told him to reduce his army to just 300 men, so that he could know that it was God who won the victory, not the armies. When we presented our profile to our birth mother, I felt like God was telling me to reduce my armies, to send away the things I would like to control -  like what kind of genetics my child would have, what prenatal vitamins she would benefit from, what substances she would be protected from, what kind of nourishment she would enjoy. He was telling us to step out in faith and let Him fight the battle for our baby. We presented to a birth mother with significant challenges. We had a long match (4 months) to wait. Our armies were sent home, and God secured the victory. God answered our prayers with a beautiful healthy baby girl! We praise the Lord for His faithfulness in every detail of our adoption journey thus far, and we count on Him to lead and guide us in the coming years."

God showed Himself victorious in their surrender, weaving a thousand details perfectly together to bring them their much loved daughter.

John and Linnea, my heart has been so encouraged by watching your faith and desire to live for His plan and not your own. You truly have walked out 2 Corinthians 5:15, "and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." I'm excited to watch God's good plans continue to unfold in the story of your precious little girl!

**Pictures taken by the incredibly talented and fun Misha Seger. **

Contact me for more information. I would be honored to help you during your adoption journey.

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I Don't Know What I'm Doing

I just turned 34. We had a great family day together on my birthday. Josh surprised me by taking the day off, we went out for an awesome breakfast, and we drove into the city for a day at the zoo. The kids presented me with special homemade gifts they'd been working on for days, and I finally got to watch the season finale of "Parenthood." I thought about how incredibly kind God has been to give me this family of mine and I wondered how in the world I suddenly turned 34 when I still feel like a kid. That's the happy stuff of the day.

But you know what else went on during my birthday? I thought about how half the time, I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't. You know...as a wife, as a mom, as a friend.  (Can you have a midlife crisis at age 34? If so, I may have had a mini-one in my brain on my birthday.) Half the time I really just feel like I am falling flat on my face. I don't mean as in "woe is me, I am such a failure" but as in, "I want to do this well but I'm pretty sure I'm not" kind of thing.

34 years and I often wake up feeling a bit disoriented. Four little lives depend on me each day for food and hugs and education; I want to love them better than I am. What about my marriage? What would that zealous 20-something me say if she saw me as the wife I am now? I want to help and encourage and support my husband but I still get cranky and critical and difficult to live with some days. And what about my friendships? I want to love whole-heartedly and build relationships the way Jesus would want me to. But how do I do that while still faithfully pouring out my time and heart to be a devoted wife and mama? I don't know. A lot of the time I really just feel like I don't know what I'm doing. It can feel disorienting and frustrating because I want to walk around feeling like, "It's good. I've got this," while I'm really feeling like, "What in the world am I doing? How do I do this better?"

But maybe I feel like I don't know what I'm doing because I don't. And maybe no one does? There's a lot I don't know. I don't know how to be a perfect wife. I don't know how to be a perfect mom. I don't know how to be a perfect friend. I don't know what I'm doing half the time. But I do know the One who always knows exactly what He's doing. He is perfect and He is enough.

God knows exactly what He's doing with me. He knows exactly what He's doing through my feeble attempts to love my husband well. He knows exactly what He's doing through my messy day-to-day flawed mama-ing of four precious people I get to call my kids. He knows what He's doing in my less than stellar moments as a busy friend. He knows what He's doing through me. He's got it all together. He knows that I don't. And He loves me even in my sinful, messed-upness.

So I've decided that's what I'm going to fight to preach to myself this year-that He knows what He's doing even though I don't. I want to be at rest in His sufficiency.

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Adoption Story: Grant and Natalie

Honestly, I think these pictures alone communicate loudly and clearly about the beauty that God has woven into Grant and Natalie's lives through adoption! But it's also too good of a story not to share some details, so here you go! (Photos courtesy of Lindsay Williams Photography):

Grant and Natalie were homestudy ready and had been praying for direction in their adoption journey back in November. As they prayed, they heard about adoption consultants from other clients of mine and felt like it was God's answer to their prayers for guidance.

One of the aspects of adoption that we discussed right away was the area of openness. As they asked questions, I shared with them about how my own thinking had drastically changed in this area over the years. Though they had hesitations, they committed to pray about it and I prayed for them as well.

A couple weeks later during Thanksgiving weekend I sent them a potential adoption situation from an agency; a courageous woman was making an adoption plan for her son who was due in the spring. This expectant mama desired ongoing contact with whatever adoptive family she chose. Grant and Natalie prayed some more, opening their hearts to however God would lead them. They felt drawn to the situation and knew God was directing them to present. The only problem was that my entire family had the stomach flu and their profile wasn't quite ready since they had just signed on with CAC. But God had a plan that could not be stopped by the flu or anything else! I worked late at night amidst nasty germs and quickly rushed their profile just in time for them to present. A couple days later Natalie called me with the incredible news; they had been chosen to be this baby's adoptive parents!

For the next four months I watched in awe as Grant and Natalie poured out their hearts to love this expectant mama. They knew that there are no guarantees before a baby is born and papers are officially signed, but they chose to hold nothing back. At one point the expectant mama texted Natalie asking, "Are you still going to pray for me this much after the baby is born?" Natalie assured her that they were absolutely committed to praying for her and loving her for the rest of their lives; they considered her a part of their family.

And then the day finally arrived! The child that they had spent years waiting for, hoping for, and praying for was suddenly in their arms. His life is a story of love and I know that Grant and Natalie will continue telling him for the rest of his days about the God who wrote each beautiful page.

You can read more about Natalie on her blog, Raising Arrows. I am looking forward to watching God use Natalie's beautiful heart for adoption.

Contact me for more info about adoption today! I would be honored to help you during your adoption journey.

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