What We Know For Sure About 2026

As we prepare to enter the new year, there are an endless number of unknowns. And for those of us who feel a bit like we’ve been through a gauntlet of fire in 2025, the question marks over the coming year might loom large. What will become of the conflicts faced in wartorn countries around the world? What will unfold within our own country? Will the people that I love still be here next year at this time? Is my marriage going to be in a better place next year than it is now? What will happen with the situation my child is struggling with? How will sickness and suffering touch the lives of my family and friends? Is God going to do something about the things I’ve been waiting for? Will I see Him finally answer the prayers for my family that I’ve been begging Him about? If I am answering these questions honestly, I have to admit that I simply don’t know.

Instead of ignoring the question marks, I’ve found that acknowledging them helps me move beyond my anxieties about the future to the God who is already there. What do I know for sure about 2026? 

God will continue to be the true King, ruling over all (Psalm 103:19). 

God will continue to be the ultimate Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). 

God will continue to be a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). 

God will continue to be with me, never leaving me or forsaking me (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

God will be faithful to continue the good work He has started in me and in my family (Philippians 1:6). 

God will continue to meet my needs (Philippians 4:19). 

God will continue to hear my prayers (Psalm 91:15). 

God will not run out of grace for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

God will fulfill His purpose for me and His love for me will endure (Psalm 138:8).

There is a lot I don’t know about the year to come. But what I do know about God leads me to believe that He is good, and I can trust Him. That is some pretty good news as we head into 2026!

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Choosing An Adoption Consultant

Are you investigating different consulting companies, trying to decide which is the best fit for you? As an Adoption Consultant with The Joyful Adoption, here are some things I'd encourage you to consider:

There is not one right direction that you must take.

I like to compare this loosely to choosing a church to be a part of. There is not only one church that is good or worth attending (praise God)! There are some non-negotiables that you want to ensure your church has and some red flags to avoid. But, each church has a different vibe as well as their own strengths and weaknesses, and you need to find the one that is the best fit for you. What you’re looking for might be different than what your friend is seeking, and that’s ok! If a consulting company says they are the best out there, that’s questionable because there isn’t just one right/best consulting group.

The total amount of money you spend can vary drastically from company to company.

I’m not talking specifically about the fee you pay to sign on with the consultant, but about what comes next. Did you know…

• In addition to the fee you pay to sign on with the consultant, some companies recommend you pay additional application fees to a handful of agencies (with each application fee ranging from hundreds to thousands). Even if you applied to five agencies that each had a $300 application fee, that’s $1500 that you’re spending just on application fees alone. But in reality, you’re likely paying several thousands just in agency applications with that approach. (While there are other consulting companies that regularly send you adoption situations from agencies that initially waive any application fees!)

• Some companies point you to agencies whose total fees are all averaging in the $70K range. (While there are some adoption agencies that have fees that high, not all agencies do and it’s not necessary for you to pay that high of an agency fee to adopt.)

Different companies have different practices.

For example…

• Some companies won’t give out the stats you ask for about how spread thin they actually are; some consultants aren’t even allowed to tell you how many families they are currently working with! 

• In the consulting world, you will find some companies that are highly formulaic with not a lot of personal contact; the majority of their emails are canned, and the adoption situations they send all are being database-driven (not individualized). 

• There are some consulting companies that regularly forward adoption situations to you from agencies so that you don’t need to pay additional app fees to present to expectant mothers, while others rarely have situations to forward on. 

• Some consultants don’t allow you to specify what you’re open to regarding gender, ethnicity, and openness level, while others allow you to decide what your family feels comfortable with. 

• Additionally, some consulting companies send you situations but don’t tell you what agency those situations are coming from or many details involved, while others disclose what agency sent the situation and the shared information is provided.

• Some companies have goals to work with as many families as possible per year while others limit the amount of families they will work with at once to provide more individualized attention.

• Seeing families matched as quickly as possible is at the heart of some consulting groups, while others strive to equip you for an ethical adoption.

Ok, but now what?

Just like every Christian decides which church is the best fit for them, every hopeful adoptive parent looking into consultants must ultimately determine which consulting company is the best fit for them. There is no rush; take your time while you gather information. And pray! God loves to give us wisdom as we ask Him. He will be faithful to direct you to the place that will ultimately be right for you.

Don't Hesitate To Reach Out!

I'd love to share with you more about what The Joyful Adoption has to offer you to see if we are what you're looking for. Reach out at any point (katie@thejoyfuladoption.com), and we can schedule a free consultation call.

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Adoption Education Matters

 

Did you know that every state requires a different number of education hours for adoptive parents? While some states require 10 hours or more, others have very minimal requirements. Can you imagine getting ready to jump into one of the most important journeys of your life without being thoroughly equipped? You and your child deserve better. Enter, The Joyful Adoption!

At Joyful, we believe that having an adoption rooted in the joy of the Lord begins with supportive education. We have developed critical educational opportunities to assist families as they prepare to adopt. From our one-of-a-kind step-by-step adoption guide, to educational learning modules, to conversation connections with a birth mama and adult adoptees, to detailed assistance from our funding specialist, to a private online community of other adoptive families, to our personalized one-on-one support, we will diligently prepare you. We will also point you to a variety of additional phenomenal resources within the adoption world.

One of the most encouraging compliments that we frequently receive is from agencies, thanking us for preparing our families so well! Don't settle for working with an adoption entity that doesn't thoroughly equip you.  We would love to help you!

If you would like to learn more about the process of domestic adoption, please contact me at katie@thejoyfuladoption.com.

 

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Adoption Costs

 

The number one hesitation that I hear from families considering adoption is the financial aspect. It simply seems insurmountable. How can anyone afford adoption? 

How Does Joyful's Funding Specialist Help?

At The Joyful Adoption, we understand firsthand the challenge that this aspect of the process can bring. That's why we provide you with a funding specialist to help you connect with grants, loans, and fundraisers that are a good fit for you. We will listen to your specific story and the details of your financial circumstances, discuss strategic tips for grant writing, recommend grant opportunities that best match your situation, and suggest fundraisers and loans as well. 

What Kind Of Financial Assistance Is Out There?

1) A Matching Grant (This type of grant provides you with a dollar-for-dollar match; when someone donates money to your adoption through the tax-deductible grant platform, the grant org matches the amount, typically ranging from 3-6K thus often helping you raise 6K-12K or more!)

2) Outright Grants (These grants are a set amount. Some will only allow families who are matched to apply while others will work with any family who has already completed a home study.)

3) Loans (There are specific adoption loans with a variety of interest levels available. There are also standard loans from your bank.)

4) Fundraisers (There are incredible adoption fundraisers for Christian families. I have had families raise over 40K through one amazing fundraiser in particular!)

Tell Me More About Grants!

Will anyone who applies for a grant get one? Not exactly. There are many factors that a grant organization considers including (but not limited to) the number of applicants, the number of available funds, the debt a family has, the cost of living in your area, the specific factors leading to the current savings you have, the effort you've already put into your fundraising, any money you've already lost in your journey to parenthood, etc. Typically, families who make over 150K a year will have a tougher time receiving grants, though there are still some out there that will consider you and we have had Joyful families who make over that amount receive a grant. Other grants will start to cap around the 130K mark. For families who make under that, there are many grant opportunities available. Most grant applications require writing detailed essays and providing thorough information about your finances. It's not a cookie-cutter process; that's why Joyful loves to tailor the conversation to your personal story. 

How Can I Learn More?

I would love to discuss any further questions you may have about adoption funding. I have seen in my own family as well as in the lives of hundreds of other families that there are many resources available to Christians pursuing adoption. Don't hesitate to reach out to me at katie@thejoyfuladoption.com to schedule a phone call!

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Should You Start The Adoption Process in 2025?

 

Is adoption something you’ve wanted to be a part of but haven’t been sure when and how? Has the Lord been drawing you towards becoming an adoptive parent? If so, you might be wondering if 2025 is the year for you to jump into the process. Is this the right time? How will you know for sure?

While I wish that I had the ability to confidently tell you what you should do, no human can tell you if it’s the right time to adopt. That is ultimately between you and the Lord. Thankfully, He really does love to guide and direct His children! 

Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” God wants us to come to Him. He wants to give us mercy and grace. He wants to help us in our time of need. Right now, if you need His direction, draw near to Him in prayer and ask Him for help. You can confidently trust that He will give you grace!

Yet, receiving His mercy and grace to help in time of need doesn’t necessarily mean that He’s going to make the answer you’re waiting for crystal clear. Even after asking Him to lead, we’re often left to use wisdom as we make decisions in this lifetime. But I’ve got good news for you– even while we need to use wisdom, God is eager to help provide it. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” The wisdom that you need in order to decide if 2025 if the year for you to step into the adoption process will be given to you by God. What does that look like?

When my husband and I were praying about when to start our first adoption, I so badly wanted a big flashing neon sign saying, “NOW!” I wanted God to show us in an unmistakable way that it was the right time for us to start the process. I didn’t want to make the wrong decision (especially as we didn’t even have enough saved to complete our home study and it was an enormous leap of faith financially). We did come to His throne of grace. We did ask for His help and for His wisdom. And He did provide it. But it didn’t come through something flashy. It was more like a quiet confidence He provided as we asked Him to lead us. 

As we filled out paperwork with our adoption consultant, I panicked and asked my husband, “Wait! How do we know for sure that this is the right time?” I’ll never forget His answer. “We’ve gathered information and prayed and talked and sought counsel from important people in our lives. Each step we’ve taken has led us to continue. This is another step of faith, but as best as we can tell, it seems like this is where God is directing us.”

Sometimes, God does give a really obvious and resounding “NOW!” as you ask Him for wisdom. I’ve seen that come for couples through an anonymous check in the mail for exactly what they need to start their process. I’ve seen that wisdom come through couples bumping into adoptive families who all use the same consultant. I’ve seen the wisdom come through couples hearing sermons at church that God uses to assure them in their decision. I’ve seen it come through the Holy Spirit leading people to specific scriptures that are exactly what they need in that moment. There isn’t a “one size fits all” way that God gives wisdom to us as we ask, but He is faithful to give it. 

If you’re praying about if 2025 is the year that God wants you to begin your adoption journey, I would love to join you! Please don’t hesitate to reach out so that I can pray for you by name as you’re asking God for wisdom.

(Photo credit: alyssasieb)

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Feeling Lost In The Adoption Process

 

The number of decisions involved in the adoption process can make you feel overwhelmed. Where do you start? How do you choose a home study provider? Should you stick with one local agency or widen your reach by applying to multiple agencies? What are realistic expectations to have about your timeline? How can you afford to adopt? Ask anyone who has ever considered adoption, and they will likely tell you they know what it's like to feel lost along the way. 

First, I want to encourage you that this is a really common experience for anyone who has begun the adoption process. A mix of being overwhelmed and excited is very normal. Next, I want to encourage you to take your heart to our Father, who compassionately cares for us; pour out all of your cares to Him because He cares for you!

If you're feeling lost as you consider adoption, I want to encourage you to reach out to an Adoption Consultant. One of the greatest benefits to working with an Adoption Consultant is decreasing that sense of overwhelm. You don't have to walk through this complex process by yourself, feeling like you're drowning in details and questions. I would love to answer your questions, hear your heart, and talk with you about the benefits of working with an Adoption Consultant for your journey. Having an adoption professional on your side who has been through the process personally and also walked hundreds of couples through the journey makes all the difference. You don't have to feel lost and overwhelmed. 

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How Does Someone Afford Adoption?

 

We had many questions and fears when we began considering adoption. We thank God that those obstacles didn't keep us from the gift of our sweet little boy! But those fears and questions matter-they shouldn't be ignored.  It's important to think through your fears and examine them. As an Adoption Consultant, one of the main concerns I hear from couples considering adoption is the issue of money; how can someone afford to adopt?

This concern is pretty understandable. Adoption is so expensive! Agency fees alone can be between 40-60K and that does not include the costs of getting a home study, consultant fees, or travel fees. If you've had the desire to adopt but feel like there's no possible way you could afford it, you're not alone.  In fact, the majority of adoptive couples have thought that very same thing. My husband, Josh, and I definitely wondered how we would afford adoption before we started our journey. Like most couples considering adoption, we did not have the money saved and ready to go when we started or any idea exactly how we would get it.

I could tell you all about tons of grants available, interest free adoption loans, adoption fundraisers and other ways to fund adoption. I could tell you about the amazing friends and family and strangers that came alongside us. I could tell you about our adoption consultant who pointed us to helpful resources. I could tell you about the hundreds of families I've seen God provide for as I've guided them in their adoption journey as their consultant.

But if you aren't moving towards adoption because you believe you could never afford it, there's probably something bigger going on than just your financial situation. The heart behind this fear isn't mainly financial in nature: I think this is often an issue of priorities and faith.

We spend money on what we prioritize.  Those of us who are concerned about adoption finances aren't usually found saying, "I want to go on a vacation someday but I can't afford it," or "I'd love a car but I can't afford it," or "I wish I could go to college but I just could never put together the finances." It's a rare thing for me to hear someone worried about adoption finances say, "I always wanted to buy a house but I could never afford one." These things are all very expensive, but we don't let that keep us from them.  

We find a way to do what matters to us.  We plan, we save, we take out loans, we work an extra job, we ask people for help, we trim our budget, we do whatever we have to do to find a way to fund what we care about. Why would we let fear of how the money will come in keep us from pursuing something way more valuable than a house or a car?  

This is a hard word to hear but I think it's important to consider. It is possible that this holdup is about something other than your finances? We look at the financial expense of adoption and think of it solely in terms of what WE can accomplish. We don't have enough money. How could we ever afford it? But if you're a Christian then your life is not your own-it belongs to Him.

"he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." 2 Corinthians 5:15

You have a God who owns everything-including all the money in the world. 

"The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts." Haggai 2:8

It all belongs to Him and He is in charge of it. You have a Father who loves His children. You have a Creator who gave everything that you might be adopted into His family! 

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 1 John 3:1

He loves adoption and He loves to provide for adoption! He will make a way to fund what He calls you to.

Beyond those things, there is a sure and certain hope that we have of God's commitment to us because of the Cross. If you are a Christian, then God has met your greatest need at the Cross. God sent His Son, Jesus, to die in your place, taking the punishment that you deserved because of your sins. He is such a wildly generous and gracious God!

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

Does this mean that God will give each of His children money for whatever they want? No. That's not the point of the truths I shared, and that would be grossly misinterpreting Scripture. I'm not saying you should jump right in and start the process without a dime to your name or that God's going to drop thousands of dollars in your lap the second you move forward. If you are deep in debt, without a job, or unable to make ends meet currently, then this is not the right time for you to adopt. But if you're in a stable financial spot and your only hold up to pursuing adoption is that you don't know how you can afford it, I want to challenge you to take that fear to the Lord. God is far more generous than we give Him credit for. Is He asking you take a step forward and trust Him? 

We began our homestudy with only a little over a thousand dollars saved.  We stand in awe at God's faithfulness to provide for our own family's adoption! 

If God is stirring your heart to consider adoption, don't stay paralyzed by your fears about finances. Don't let the fear that you could never afford adoption keep you from following His lead. Let's stop looking at what WE can do and starting thinking about what God is able to do.

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Is It Helpful To Work With An Adoption Consultant When You've Already Completed Your Home Study?

 

“I’m already home study ready and waiting with a local attorney/agency. How would it benefit me to work with an Adoption Consultant at this point?" 

This is a great question that I hear frequently from families inquiring about working with me. Here are three main reasons that it’s worth it to work with a consultant, even if you are already active with a local agency/attorney:

1.  More opportunities to have your profile book shown to expectant moms making an adoption plan
2.  Personalized support, prayer, and guidance
3.  Being a part of a caring community of adoptive families

Wider Reach
I help point you to multiple agencies and attorneys across the U.S., increasing your opportunities to present your profile book to more expectant moms. Increased exposure to adoption situations often means decreased wait time; our families match with an expectant mom on average less than a year after applying to multiple agencies. (This is a difference from being a waiting family with just one agency or attorney where you present your profile book only with the expectant moms that come in to that specific office. If it’s a small local agency, likely there will not be many placements per year there despite often having quite a lot of waiting adoptive families. Often, I will hear from families that have been waiting for 2-3 years with their specific agency and have only had their profile book shown a handful of times.) 

Personalized Support
As your Adoption Consultant, my job is to be there for YOU. I don’t work for an adoption agency or with birth parents. I work with you for you. With each adoption situation that you see, I am there to help you think through all the complexities involved and pray for you. Sometimes this may mean cautioning you about a risky situation, or offering feedback about your personal letter to a specific expectant mom, getting in touch with an agency on your behalf if you have some additional questions, or walking you through how to lovingly care for a mom you're matched with. Often, my role will be offering a listening ear, sharing encouragement and scripture, pointing you towards excellent educational resources, and praying for you. In addition to being an adoption professional who is in your corner, I’m an adoptive mama who understands the emotions involved with adoption because I’ve been there (twice)!

Caring Community
Each adoptive family that I work with has the opportunity to be a part of a moderated private online adoption group. Since we have worked with hundreds of adoptive families during their adoption journey, this large community is a wealth of knowledge and support. Having a community of families who “get it” is so vital to persevering through the ups and downs of the adoption journey. These families will also cheer you on and pray for you along with me.

Here are a few stories from families of mine that started with me after already being home study ready and waiting with another agency/attorney! Bryan and Jayne, Jimmy and Kyle, Gary and Angela.

If you’ve been waiting for a while with one attorney/agency and you’re ready to have more opportunities to present your profile book, you’re ready to receive personalized support, prayer, and guidance, and you’re eager to be a part of a caring community of adoptive families, using an adoption consultant might be a great next step for you!

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me. I'd love to be a part of your adoption journey!

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Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Katie's Thoughts

Though our temptation can be to simply focus on how adoption affects our lives as adoptive parents, there are many more people's lives intricately connected and impacted when someone adopts a child. Most importantly, the adoptee themselves, as well as the child's birth parent. But another important person in the equation is a sibling whose parents have chosen to adopt. Katie was almost 15 when her family adopted the first time and 17 when they brought home her sister through adoption. I'm so glad you get to hear today from Katie about her "sibling perspective."

Did you have any fears or concerns while your family was in the adoption process waiting before your siblings were born? How did the Lord meet you in those?

When we first began the adoption process, I was honestly really excited. We did a lot of fundraisers as a family and so the excitement and momentum was high. However, in both adoption journeys, once we reached the part where our profile was being shown to birth families, I struggled with different emotions. After a few situations didn’t work out, I wrestled with the question: “Would we ever adopt a baby?” I remember a specific moment, after we had received another “no,” that my heart became angry. The tears fell and I cried out to God, “Why are you making us wait so long?”

As I look back at that moment, I am reminded how raw those emotions were. They came from a real place of pain in my heart, but it was met in the most beautiful way, as God revealed Himself faithful again and again. Now, as I look into the eyes of my brother and my sister, I realize over and over how perfect God’s plan was and is. All of those matches that fell through, all of those phone calls we missed, and all of the babies that didn’t “work out," they were all just stepping stones to the two He had for our family. And I wouldn’t trade my siblings for anyone else.

What are some things that you love about adoption and how God brought your siblings to you?

Even before we started on this journey, God placed a love for adoption within my heart. But it wasn’t until we started the process that I began to see what a beautiful picture it is of God’s adoption of us. We are orphans, who have no hope whatsoever in the world, but God comes and makes us His children. 

“But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” Galatians 4:4-7

I also love how adoption brings people together. It can be the most amazing bridge of hope for men, women and children in need. It allows mothers (families) who are in desperate situations to be able to give life and a future to their child. The birth moms (and families) who give up their children are some of the strongest people. They are giving their flesh and bone to someone else, entrusting their child into someone else’s family. Their selflessness and love in how they choose to give their child hope is something I admire every time I hear an adoption story.

Ultimately, I stand in awe at the hand of God; you truly can’t deny that His goodness is in each and every situation. My brother’s life was on the brink of being ended through abortion, but God had a different story. My sister was unwanted, and her only hope was a life of instability through the foster system. But God had different plans. And He protected my siblings and brought them into our family in the most beautiful way. 


What do you wish people knew about adoption?

If I was sitting down with someone to talk about adoption, I would love them to see that adoption is so much more than giving a child a family. It is a tangible picture of the gospel, by which God gives you the opportunity every single day to share His love with these children, who otherwise would have no hope. Because adoption is, in one sense, a rescue mission, it is hard. There may be a lot of obstacles to overcome. There may be a lot of pain and heartbreak involved. It can be an emotional roller coaster and the financial mountain keeps growing year after year. Trauma will be involved, no matter how young the baby is when adopted. There will be people who won’t understand. However, all of this just makes the grace of God more evident. For it is the only thing that is constant in all of the ups and downs of the process. And when the time comes when the child is called by your name, it makes every tear, worth it. 

What has God taught you about Himself through the adoption in your family?

God has taught me so many things through adoption. I have witnessed His faithfulness over and over again. There were so many things that could have happened, so many outcomes that could have come into play, and so many circumstances that could have deterred us from adopting, and yet, God brought us through every valley. He provided every single penny of the $90,000+ it cost us to adopt both my siblings. He protected both of their birth moms during their pregnancies and births. And even when things went different than I had expected them to go, I can see now, that all of His ways were/are perfect. He cares for everything we walk through, even down to the tiniest details. 

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me!

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How To Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted

Few things can strike fear in the heart of a newly adoptive parent like the thought of talking with their child about their adoption story. We know that it's so very important and we don't want to get it wrong! So how exactly do you tell your child that they are adopted? After walking with many adoptive parents as an adoption consultant, studying informative adoption research, listening to the voices of adult adoptees and adoption social workers, and caring for my own children that were adopted, I've seen 9 important components that are essential to telling your child their adoption story.

How To Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted: 9 Essentials

1) Talk about it from the very beginning
One of the best pieces of advice we ever received during our home study process was this: start talking to your child about their adoption from Day One. I remember thinking,"Wait. You want me to talk to my teeny infant about their adoption? They can’t even speak yet!” But yes-that’s exactly what adoption professionals encourage parents to do! Talking about adoption from the very beginning gives your child the foundation of knowing their adoption story. It also gives you the chance to gain confidence in learning how to share your child’s story with them. Of course, your little baby won’t understand it initially, but as time goes on, you'll find that even young children can comprehend much more than we give them credit for. When you talk about adoption from the very beginning, your child will never have a life altering “moment” of discovering they are adopted. Instead, they will grow up knowing the truth about their story. By talking about adoption right away, you are giving them a strong foundation to build upon as they form their identity.

2) Use pictures
If you have pictures of your child’s birth family, hang some in their room or make a book with the pictures. Some families have found that creating a “birth book” or "life book" that tells the child’s adoption story with pictures can be a great resource to use as they talk with their young child about adoption. Even if you don’t have pictures with your child’s birth family, show them pictures that you do have of your child when you first met them. Use those photos as a springboard to share with them about the first moment you saw them, about what they looked like, about the time you spent with their birth family (if that pertains to you) and use words like "birth mom" and "adopted" to begin familiarizing your child with adoption terms.

3) Read books with adoption themes
There are some wonderful books for children about adoption. (There are also some pretty confusing and unhelpful ones so make sure to read through any book first to make sure it’s a good fit for your particular child!) Books that use accurate and positive adoption language, convey both the beauty and brokenness of adoption, and highlight how loved the child is by their birth and adoptive families are particularly helpful.

4) Speak positively about your child's birth family
Speak words about your child's birth family that are positive and kind. Weave these thoughts into every day conversation. Does your child share some physical features with their birth family? “I love your beautiful brown eyes. They look just like your birth mom’s beautiful brown eyes.” Are there things you know about your child’s birth family that your child has in common with them that you could share? Maybe you don’t know much at all about your child’s birth family, but you do know they loved their child so much that they gave them life. In some extreme situations involving neglect or abuse, finding something positive to say is not easy. Don't make something up! However, no matter what type of situation your child is coming from, there is typically something good that you can share with them about their birth family-people made in God's image..

5) Share honestly with age appropriateness
Adoption is filled with brokenness and loss. While adoption might be one of the greatest blessings in your life as adoptive parents, it has come at an enormous cost for your child and for their birth family. Don’t sugarcoat your child’s story; be honest. Depending on their age, the details you share with them will be different. As your child grows, so will the amount of details you tell them, but make sure that you’re always telling the truth. As an adoptive parent, this point can be particularly scary because we want to protect our children from pain. Yet, by not telling them the truth about their story, we’re actually causing them more pain and giving them reasons to question our trustworthiness and potentially tempt them to imagine worst case scenarios. So start with the general foundation of their story and build upon it with age appropriateness, sharing more details as they grow.

6) Be your child’s safe support 
As you talk about adoption, acknowledge your child’s feelings and let them know it’s ok to feel however they do. Hold them, sit with them, remind them of how loved they are, let them know that you will always be there for them. Listen without interrupting and remind them that they can tell you anything. Remember that this isn’t about you. When they ask questions or share their thoughts, ask follow up questions to understand more where they are coming from instead of assuming. Remember, even if they say things that are hard for you to hear, your child needs your support. Sit with them in their grief or anger or whatever they feel at the moment; don't dismiss or make them feel as if they shouldn't be feeling the way that they do. Let them know that whatever they are feeling or thinking about adoption, their feelings will not take away your love.

7) Keep talking about it
Talking with your child about their adoption isn’t a “one and done” deal. You need to keep talking about it with them throughout their lifetime. Your child should not need to be the one to bring up adoption. It’s your job as the parent to keep the conversation going. Let me assure you-just because your child doesn't bring up adoption doesn't mean they aren't thinking about it. If you don’t continue to bring up adoption with your children, they may feel like it’s an “off-limits” topic and never bring their thoughts and questions to you. Adult adoptees often share that they were afraid to voice questions about their story because they didn't ever want their parents to feel hurt or to perceive those questions as a lack of love for them. Invite your children's questions and even if they don't share any, continue talking about adoption. Help them feel secure and free to talk with you about their adoption by being the one to bring it up regularly.

8) Seek professional help
If at any point you find you need additional support in talking with your child about their adoption, please don’t hesitate to seek it out. There is no shame in needing professional help. These are complex things that are sometimes difficult to work through, both for you and for your child. Loving your child means giving them tools to help them process their story and a licensed professional counselor familiar with adoption and trauma can be an invaluable tool to help your child.

9) Trust your perfect Heavenly Father
Seek God's face as you have these conversations with your child. We often simply don't know what to say as we share about adoption with our kids, but we do know that God promises to give us wisdom as we ask. We can confidently go to Him in prayer with that request for wisdom and help. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5  There are no perfect words that will magically take away the hard aspects of your child's adoption. You don't have the perfect words to share with your child about their adoption story but you do have a perfect Heavenly Father. God is able to help our children find comfort and peace in their hearts as they navigate the details of their adoption story. We can trust His care. Ultimately, He is the one who will carry your child through the ups and downs of processing adoption throughout their lifetime.

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Guest Post: To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

In my role as an Adoption Consultant, one of the things I hope to spread is the importance of listening to all members of the adoption triad: birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents. As Mother's Day approaches, I'm sharing some letters from members of the triad. As I thought about who I wanted to ask to write a letter to the mamas in waiting, my friend, Kim, immediately came to mind. The Lord has given her a gift for words and she so beautifully shares them below. Thank you, Kim!

To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

Hello friend,

I rolled out of bed in a bad mood and reluctantly dressed for church. This act of putting on my “Sunday best” was even more unbearable on this ominous day. I scowled aimlessly at the floor and imagined the women who would don matching dresses and the little girls sporting big pink bows. “I’m sure all the little boys were up early picking wildflowers while their fathers made breakfast and let their mommies sleep in”, I muttered mockingly to the empty room. Alone, in my little bathroom, I looked up to put my makeup on - getting the first real glimpse of my angry look and tired eyes. Suddenly, with fierce intensity, my fake bravado melted into body shaking sobs as I realized I was not alone. The God that made me revealed in an instant the deepest recesses of my heart and beckoned me to Him with undeserved patience and grace. As I cried, I could imagine his gentle embrace inviting me to unleash the full weight of disappointment and confusion into his capable hands. I sent up a desperate prayer, “Lord you are the God that weeps with those who mourn. Can you handle my pain? Can you take some of this burden? Can you impart your strength on this day of all days?”

I imagine, dear one, that you would prefer to spend this morning hiding beneath your covers in a dark room. Perhaps if you stay there long enough you can pretend this day never came and the longing you feel to be accepted would wait to wash over you another day. The dread and sadness feel palpable and you wonder if you accidentally put that on instead of the dress you pulled from the closet. Running into all of the perfectly coifed women with their darling little bundles would only cause the inevitable barrage of heart questions you work hard to stifle on a moment by moment basis. And you wonder if this is what you are pregnant with. Questions. Heart-wrenching questions. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something to deserve this? Does God want good things for me? Does He see me?

Will I ever be a Mom?

Love, I have been there. I can walk into that memory as if it’s a panorama that preserved some of my darkest moments. It’s an exhibit I never wanted to visit and I’m deeply sorry that you have been given a ticket to the show. But, I’m happy to sit with you and allow you to cry on my shoulder as you ask the questions that I could never supply a satisfying answer for. Because I learned that this gift of infertility did not give me answers but people. People who tried not to offend, people who tried to understand, people who wept with me in silence, people who bound up the broken places, people who fought beside me in prayer. It was the people God gave me, that led me to understand that my longing to be a mom would only be satisfied in the arms of Jesus. If He wasn’t enough, no child would ever be able to fill that pit.

It would be easy to stay home this week - and you can. I get it. But if you can muster the dependence it takes to bravely walk into the world, I believe you’ll find hope lies within the body of believers the Lord is preparing you to encourage. Because while infertility comes at a significant cost, what you buy with your heartache is a gift I would never return. This gift led me to deeper relationship with my husband, a more dependent faith in Christ, an ever-expanding village we call family, and, eventually, six amazing children who grew in my heart. These six jewels in my crown were knit together with providence and foreknowledge. They were on my Savior’s mind as he calmed my sobs and listened empathetically to my burdensome questions. He always saw me. And He sees you too, beloved.

So this year, your arms may be empty but I’m praying your heart will be full. If you’re feeling left out try sitting up straight so everyone can see your crown.

                                                            
                                                            His, yours,
                                                                        Kim aka “Mama”


(You can read other writing from CAC mama, Kim, here: Depths of Love, The Cost Of Infertility: 10 Reflections, A Broken Crown.)

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Guest Post: To The Woman Considering Adoption

Today's guest post is a beautiful letter from the perspective of a baby to his/her birth mother. As a Christian, wife, mama, adult adoptee, and pro-life advocate, Sarah is uniquely equipped to write this. Her voice is one that we can all learn from. Check out more of her story here.

To The Woman Considering Adoption This Mother’s Day

by Sarah Zagorski

Dear Mom, 

I know you can’t see me quite yet, but I can see you. No, not with my eyes, silly. I can see you with my heart. 

Remarkably, your actions allow me to see who you are without even getting a glimpse of your face. From where I’m at I can hear your voice and detect the sound of your heartbeat as it races rapidly in conversations with the numerous, impossible voices around you. I am so impressed by your strength. I’m impressed by your courage. 

I know God chose you to be my birth parent. He chose you to house me in your womb, and this will assure that our connection is forever. I think it might be important for you to hear from me as you consider your adoption decision. I want you to know that while it feels like your heart is breaking, placing me for adoption could be the very act that puts your heart back together again. Let me explain. 

Right now you may feel consumed with grief at the idea of not being there when I take my first step, go to my first day of kindergarten or make my first friend. You may be sad that I will call someone else mom, and you might be scared I will hold your decision to place me for adoption against you. But one day, when I’m a bit older and when my own feet have traveled through life’s challenges, I will understand. 

I will understand that your love for me was so great and so selfless that you examined your life and your current situation, and you decided you wanted to give me a future you didn’t think you could provide. I will be amazed that you had the maturity to see past the pain and confusion you are feeling right now.

In the meantime, though, can you be patient with me, Mom? It may take some time for me to appreciate your decision once I’m out there in the world. It may take some time walking in my own shoes before I can understand what it was like to walk in yours. Until then, know your heart will become whole again once you realize you did exactly what the best moms do: Protect their children and give them the best future possible.

                                                                                                                    Love, Your Daughter 

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Guest Post: To The Woman Who Made Me A Mother

Each guest post you read here this Mother's Day week was prayerfully written directly from the heart. Thank you to this adoptive mama who so beautifully shares today. I'm grateful to know you, Sarah.

To the woman who made me a mother,

When I first heard your name and knew you carried a child for whom you were choosing parents, I didn’t know how to connect my heart to yours. It would have seemed presumptuous or somehow greedy, to ask something of you or to force a bond that wasn’t there yet. I had prayed for a child for so long and, forgive me, I didn’t know how to pray for her first mother. 

After we knew your name and knew we would be a family of three because of your courage and selflessness, I began to approach God in prayer — timidly at first, because I couldn’t presume to put myself in your shoes. But as we collectively waited for the birth of our daughter, I fell to my knees again and again, asking God to be near - to be your comforter. You faced circumstances not of your choosing and you faced impossible decisions and you did it — whether you felt brave or not — you did it, courageously. You bore a daughter and you kissed her nose and gave her a name and then gave her a new family, as you chose us to parent her.

I get to go into this weekend celebrating my own motherhood, which was born in tandem with yours. I don’t forget this for a moment. When my little girl looks at me, I see your hazel eyes and scrunchy nose and I am overwhelmed again with gratitude that your choice to make an adoption plan changed all our lives. You are the first mother our daughter loves and, by God’s grace, you are the woman who made me a mother. I don’t know what it’s like to be on your side of this adoption triad, but I am so very thankful for the abundance of love we share for this daughter.

Mother’s Day is as nuanced and complex as motherhood - we both know this. And so in case no one remembers to say it: happy Mother’s Day. We celebrate you today, you who carry the mixed grief and peace of adoption with such grace. We are grateful for your life, your courage, and your selfless love. 

with love and gratitude,

sarah

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Guest Post: Letter To My Children This Mother's Day

I'm thankful for the opportunity to feature this letter from an adoptive mama today. Below she shares her heart for her children as they navigate the complexities of Mother's Day.

Adoptive Mama Guest Post:

To My Children This Mother’s Day,

This week the world celebrates “Mother’s Day” but for you it’s more complex-maybe sort of like eating a dessert while simultaneously pulling the bandaid off an open wound. There’s nothing simple about it-this coexisting sweetness and loss. Celebrating with me is sometimes a reminder for you that you aren’t celebrating with her. You love me with all that you are and tell me that repeatedly throughout each day. Yet right alongside that deep love for me, there is a deep love in your heart for the mama that you don’t get to hug today.

So this Mother’s Day and always, I want you to know that whatever you are feeling, you can go right ahead and feel it, even if you can’t quite explain what’s on your heart and mind. I’m right here with you. I wish so badly that I could take away the hard...that somehow I could keep you from experiencing any pain ever. But I know that the reality is this: love is big and messy and unexplainable and deep. And the love you feel for me and for her is all of those things. These are complicated things...I won't pretend otherwise.

My hope and prayer is that you wouldn’t ever think that loving well means only loving one of us. Love is big enough for us all. You love us both well, at the very same time. That’s undeniable. Your heart has such a beautiful capacity to love; you amaze me with the unmistakable tenderness and kindness and forgiveness you extend to us every single day. Please extend those same things towards yourself as you feel the complexity of this day.

On Mother’s Day (and any day) when your feelings are too big to categorize, I pray that you will look to Jesus. He is your compassionate Savior who knows your thoughts before you think them. He saw you before you were born and all of your days were written in His book before even one of them came to be! He says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And He says that you are oh so very loved.

Love, Mommy

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Adoption: 8 Ways To Love Well At The Hospital

We drove to the hospital in the dead of night, the freeway wide open and our hearts spilling over with nerves and hope. The moment we'd been waiting and praying for had finally arrived; the baby was coming! My heart beat wildly as I tried to remind myself: "The hospital time is not about us. Whatever happens, God is always trustworthy and love is always worth it."

8 Ways to Love Well At The Hospital When You're Adopting

The hospital time is intense for everyone involved. As an adoptive parent I have learned hard lessons through our two adoption hospital experiences. And as an Adoption Consultant who has walked many adoptive parents through their own adoption hospital days, I am convinced of this: we as adoptive parents have a responsibility to reflect God's heart of love at the hospital. Here are 8 practical ways to love well during the hospital time.

1) Put the focus on her
You have been waiting and dreaming and hoping for this day for so long. You will likely be filled with a myriad of thoughts centered on one thing: the baby. That's to be expected! But the hospital time is not about you. In all that you say and do during the hospital time, you want to keep in mind the mama who is making this adoption plan. This is her time and it's essential that you honor that. She is the one enduring extreme physical and emotional pain. She is the reason that you are here in the first place! Show her compassion, kindness, and patience. What does she want? What does she need? Make sure that she is the focus of your words, your actions, and your prayers.

2) Respect her decisions even if they differ from your preferences
Before consents are signed, she is this child's mother (not birth mother). And as this child's mother, all decisions about the baby's care are hers to make if she wants to make them. She isn't going to do things exactly like you will because she is her own person with her own set of life experiences. It's likely that she will make a decision at some point during the hospital time that you wouldn't have chosen but that's ok. She gets to make whatever choices she wants to make about caring for the baby during this time. Vaccines? Circumcision? Breastfeeding? Whatever the topic-it's her choice. This can get tricky because sometimes doctors or nurses direct their questions to the adoptive parent. Always defer back to her:"That's her decision to make."

3) Be flexible; reality rarely looks like she/you have planned
As you've likely already seen in your adoption story, things rarely go exactly according to plan. Depending on the circumstances surrounding the adoption, the expectant mama you match with will likely discuss her hospital plan with the agency. She may have detailed thoughts about what she wants the time to look like and what she wants your involvement to be, or she might not know what she wants. As emotions rise and circumstances evolve, plans change. Expect it and try to go with the flow. That can be extremely hard, especially if it means you won't be getting time with the baby. Does a shift from the hospital plan mean she's changing her mind about the adoption? Don't assume. Most likely it just means that she's making a decision about what seems best for her hospital experience now that she's actually in the experience. Flexibility is imperative. Again, respect her preferences and focus on her.

4) Be her advocate
In an ideal world, each labor and delivery experience would be a positive one with the highest level of care possible. But sadly, that's not always the case. Some nurses and staff are not compassionate or respectful of a woman's decision to place a child for adoption. As wrong as it is, sometimes a patient is treated differently depending on their ethnicity or economic status or health history. If you are there with her, be her advocate; speak up for her if you see that she's not getting what she needs. Let your agency know if there's something going on that needs addressed so that they can advocate further as well.

5) Look for ways to encourage and bless her
It's impossible to understand just how gut-wrenching this entire experience is for a birth mom. Look for any ways that you can to encourage her with your attentiveness and your words. It's likely that her pregnancy hasn't been filled with positive words and support. Your encouraging words matter; let her know how much you care about her and appreciate her. Depending on the guidelines from your agency, look for ways to make her hospital time better. Could you bring her something to pass the time at the hospital (card game, snacks, magazine) or offer to pick up some food for her?

6) Seek help from the adoption professionals you're working with
When feelings are big, it's especially beneficial to hear input from someone a little further removed from the emotional picture. Stay in touch with your placing agency and your adoption consultant to keep them in the loop. If you have a concern or aren't sure how to handle something that comes up, make sure that you talk with your adoption professionals. Often your agency will have a feel for how you can best approach a situation if something complex arises.

7) Remember you aren't invincible
You still need to eat, drink water, go to the bathroom, and rest. If you can, take a walk and get a little fresh air. Call home and talk to a friend. Time some time to pray with your spouse if you are married. In order to think clearly and love with your whole heart, you've got to take care of your own basic needs. That sounds like a no-brainer but in actuality, it's really easy to forget when you're in the moment.

8) Love with open hands
Will she sign consents? Will this precious little baby come home to you? This is the very real and weighty issue on every adoptive parent's heart at the hospital. Fear of the unknown and "what ifs" can paralyze you if you let them. Don't let fear steal from you the chance to show love. You have been given the opportunity to support, encourage, and advocate for someone going through an unthinkably difficult time. Whatever happens, this woman is made in the image of God and she is worthy of your love. Love her well even as you recognize that you don't yet know the end of the story. Love is never wasted.

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Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Cosette's Story

Here in this space, I'm currently sharing some posts about Adoption and the Sibling Perspective. (Don't miss Gianna's thoughts here!) For families who enter domestic infant adoption with children already in their home, they wisely consider, "How will this affect our other kids?" I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to share with you some thoughts from a few siblings of the families I've consulted.

Cosette was almost 13 when her family brought home their baby through adoption. Thank you, Cosette, for sharing your thoughts about adoption!

1) Did you have any fears or concerns about adoption while your family was in the adoption process waiting before your sibling was born? How did the Lord meet you in those?
Yes! Absolutely. I think my biggest fear was that once we finally were placed, that something would happen to the baby, or that the mom would change her mind. I think that God met me in that He gave me reassurance after reassurance that we were under HIS care throughout the adoption. We were never in control. He had us in the palm of His hand and His plan was the best for us.

2) What are some things that you love about adoption and how God brought your siblings to you?
One thing that I specifically love about adoption, and every adoption as its own entity, is that God makes every adoption unique for the needs of the mom, child, and receiving family. In both of my family's adoptions, it was clear that God had built the circumstances for our family. Whether difficult or simple, every situation was made with us in mind.

3) What do you wish that people knew about adoption?
It's not taboo!...or, doesn't have to be. It's alright to talk about adoption and to ask questions. Most of the time, we are MORE than willing to share.

4) What has God taught you about Himself through adoption in your family?
God has taught me that He is SO much bigger than what I'm seeing in front of my face. He has a plan in mind. I am much better off when I step out in faith in His plan, whether that means stepping into good or "bad."

5) Anything else you'd like to share?
It's perfectly alright to share about your struggles with adoption. They are just as valuable as your good times. The wave is ok. The wave can even help others in their journeys.

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Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Gianna's Thoughts

When families who already have children in their home consider domestic infant adoption, it's not uncommon for them to grapple with the question, "How will this affect our other kids?" As an Adoption Consultant, I've been so blessed to watch God knit families together through domestic infant adoption. One of my favorite things as a Consultant is hearing about the love and bond that God grows between siblings through adoption. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to share with you some stories this week from the perspective of siblings!

Below are thoughts from Gianna, a high schooler who went from being an only child to being a big sister a few years ago when her parents were clients of mine. Thank you, Gianna, for sharing your heart with us!

When you learned that your parents planned to adopt, what were your thoughts/feelings?

"When I found out my parents were planning to adopt, I had mixed emotions. On one hand, I was ecstatic because I had always wanted a sibling and could not wait until I had a little brother or sister. However on the other hand, I had doubts that my family would never get picked, or the birth mother would change her mind once we were picked. I did not want to get my hopes up for something that may never happen until it was legally finalized. I tried to contain my feelings because I knew I would be devastated if the adoption did not work out. However, once the adoption was legal, I was the happiest girl in the world and filled with more love than I knew ever was possible."

How has adoption surprised you?

"Adoption has surprised me in many different ways. First, I never thought that adoption would affect me as much as it has. Adoption has made me a much stronger pro-life supporter than I was previously. I could not fathom my life would be like without William. If William’s biological mother had an abortion instead of giving him up for adoption, I would have never known him. The thought of this makes me a fierce fighter for the end of all abortion. I cannot wait to attend the March for Life 2020 with my school’s Respect Life Club to fight for the end of abortion and instead the “growth of adoption.” Secondly, adoption has made me softer, more patient, and more loving. It has shown me a whole new type of love. I was an only child for 13 years, and I felt a sense of emptiness in my heart. However once we adopted William, I experienced a whole new type of love that I had never felt before. William has made my heart feel full, and I am so thankful for that. There is nothing like hearing the pitter patter of little feet coming into my room to wake me up in the morning, and the big hug and kiss he gives me. The sibling bond we share is unbreakable. Every time I look at him I think how lucky I am to have him for my brother, my forever buddy. Lastly, adoption has made me a more gracious person. I am forever thankful that adoption has given me a sibling, and I owe it all to God’s plan. William truly is the greatest blessing, and I am reminded of the blessing of adoption each and every day when I hear his laughter."

What thoughts do you have for someone who isn’t sure that adoption will be a positive thing for their family?

"I would share my personal experiences with adoption and tell them how much brighter, fuller and complete my life has gotten since adopting my little brother. He truly was the missing piece to our family puzzle. I often felt lonely when I was an only child, but now I have a lifelong best friend that will always be by my side. Adoption has been nothing but positive for my family, and I am a better person because of it. Before Will, I always felt loved as I still do, but now I can show MY love to him. I am so grateful every day that my family was chosen to be Will’s forever family. We even celebrate his “forever family” day with a party. Because of my experience, I am now a firm supporter of adoption. I believe that more and more people should adopt because it truly is the greatest blessing. It is the BEST thing my family ever did!"

What do you wish more people knew/understood about adoption?

"I wish that more people understood that just because you are not biologically related, does not mean the connection and love is any different. I love my little brother with my whole entire heart, and it never even crosses my mind that he is not my biological brother. I also wish people would not fear an “open” adoption. It’s not as scary and intimidating as people may think. I see it as a positive with more people loving Will. It will actually make everything smoother once he can fully understand and he will never wonder through his childhood who his biological family is. I am just so very grateful that they chose my family. Adopting my brother has changed me in ways that are indescribable. I used to wonder what it would be like to have a little brother, now I can’t imagine life without him. His smile is infectious and makes me smile more. His laugh is contagious and makes me laugh more. His love is something I’ve never felt before. Will has brought so much happiness to my family. I am truly blessed to call him my brother, my forever friend and thank God every day for him."

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