Adoption Story: Dan and Eliza

This sweet couple. Wow! If you need a reminder today that endurance in the adoption process is worth it, look no further. Dan and Eliza had been in their adoption wait for almost four years when they called me, interested in learning more about Christian Adoption Consultants. Almost four years! Yet, when they shared their story with me on that first call I heard no bitterness or anger from them; they were holding onto the Lord. More importantly, the Lord was holding onto them. I prayed specifically for God to bless them with a short wait with CAC given that they'd already been waiting for so many years. I won't pretend to understand God's time-table, but I do know that His timing in connecting this specific couple with the specific birth mama who chose them was absolutely beautiful and perfect. They started with CAC in November, were chosen in December, and their daughter was born in March. 

Eliza shares:

Adoption wasn't part of our original plan. God used cancer to lead us to adoption. During our first daughter's C-section, the surgeon discovered cancer in Eliza's uterus, which resulted in a hysterectomy the following week. After two years of talking and praying, God gave us the desire to grow our family through domestic adoption. We began the process with a Christian adoption agency.

It was one of the most significant tests of patience and trust we have ever experienced. After 3 1/2 years of waiting to be matched we were questioning if we wanted to continue the painful process. The emotional toll the waiting had taken was draining and had left us weary. In November 2019, we learned about CAC, and after one conversation with Katie, we knew that we wanted her help. It was a great encouragement to work with Katie who is adoptive mother herself. Her personal experience brought a level of understanding and compassion. It meant so much to us that she encouraged us with God's truth and pointed us to Him in the months that would follow. It also gave us hope knowing that we would have exposure through multiple agencies rather than just one. 

We are so thankful we did not give up. We were finally matched with a birth mother one month after beginning to work with Katie and CAC. We know that every adoption story is different, but for reasons unknown to us, God chose this path for us and it was all in His timing. This is one major truth that was reinforced to us through our adoption journey: God's timing is not our own, but it is for our good. We have been amazed to watch God's story unfold. 

We are so incredibly grateful to have adopted our daughter. We also have unspeakable love and admiration for our daughter's birth mother, and we consider her a part of our extended family. When our daughter was placed in our arms, we experienced firsthand the power of the gospel. A child was given to us, not because of anything we did to deserve her, but out of love. We will forever be grateful. 

We are so grateful for CAC and for Katie, and for the irreplaceable role she played in our daughter's adoption story.

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For more information about Christian Adoption Consultants, email me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com. I'd love to help!

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Adoption Story: Jon and Annette

I won't mislead you-this is a gut-wrenching story. Adoption is always born from loss but Jon and Annette's adoption journey to their twin daughters is absolute tragedy mixed with beauty. The compassion of Jesus was so powerfully displayed in them as they deeply loved their daughter's birth mama in the face of terminal cancer. This is what it looks like to step into devastating loss with eyes fixed on Christ and not on self. It was an honor for me to witness this adoption journey through Christian Adoption Consultants as I walked alongside Jon and Annette as their Adoption Consultant. They got started with CAC at the end of October in 2018 and were chosen by their girls' birth mama five months later in March of 2019. Annette so kindly shares a glimpse into their journey.

Tragedy and Joy Unreconciled by Annette

“It would be a good idea to write a letter to the mother introducing yourselves and expressing why you want to adopt her daughters.” I remember hearing those words from our adoption consultant Katie, and thinking “sure, we can do that.” I had no idea what a heart-wrenching challenge this would turn out to be for my husband and I. 

Moments before, we had said yes to presenting on a situation we knew very little about. Twin girls, 18 months old, and the birth mother with a terminal cancer diagnosis. We knew she was just discontinuing treatment and had lost her job and had no place to live.

It had been eight years since we had received the calling to adopt. God placed adoption on our heart in our first year of marriage. We decided we were going to adopt through the foster care system. That’s where the need was, that is the affordable route to go. We were just waiting on the right timing. October 2018, we felt the time was right. However, for some unknown reason we both, separately, felt God nudging us away from foster care and towards domestic adoption. We started switching gears and looking more into domestic adoption. For eight years we had been planning on adopting through the state and I was so confused as to why it suddenly did not feel right. I knew at that time that we were being asked to step out in faith. 

We met Katie through a friend’s recommendation. She talked us through every step of the process and encouraged us to seek God. We prayed and felt a deep peace about pursuing domestic adoption. Throughout this whole process Katie was right by our side. Helping, calming fears, giving us sound advice and helping us wade through the sometimes-murky waters, her help was invaluable. Her constant reminders to pray about it and seek God, constantly broke through the chaos in our hearts and minds. 

I smile when I look back and see God’s hand very clearly guiding us right to our daughters. Through our home study and other preparations, we excitedly began preparing for the child or sibling set we would soon welcome into our home. As we were preparing for a sibling set our social worker peered up at us with a puzzled expression saying “You realize you are doing a private adoption and will most likely get a single infant” We just smiled and said “yes.” Yet somehow, I knew deep down that this would not be the case. 

Here I sat, with this daunting task before me. My lap top open and my fingers ready to type words that simply were not there. How do you tell a dying mother how much you would love to take her daughters? How do you express the joy at the thought of adopting her sweet girls in the light of this most horrific disease? 

The depth of this tragedy was in sharp contrast with the expectant joy of adoption and words failed me. 

I cried out to God. My heart was so full of pain for this sweet mother and simultaneously overjoyed at the prospect of the most wonderful gift. Putting those thoughts and emotions to pen felt impossible. I put the computer down and went about tucking my three children into bed. Bedtime prayers, stories and songs were clouded as I tried to make sense of the swirl of thoughts and emotions coursing through me. 

With the deadline looming in the morning, my husband and I sat down once more to compose this letter. I turned to him and said “I think God wants us to offer to take her in as well as the twins” It had felt crazy in my head and even more so speaking it out loud. I was surprised when he said “Yeah, I think you are right.” It was unusual, but felt just. This woman, dying of cancer should have the option of seeing and being with her daughters in her remaining days. 

A short time later it was finished. Our letter said that we were overwhelmed by the tragedy of her terminal diagnosis. We wrote that we were ready and wanting to welcome her sweet girls into our family and cherish and love both of them as our own. We invited her to come and live with us in an Airbnb across the street free of charge. We found several hospice centers available nearby for when the need arose. We explained that my husband was a doctor and I am a nurse and we were committed to giving her the best of care. 

She picked us. Our hearts were pounding when we met her. Lunch at the Olive Garden felt oddly normal, routine, as we got to know one another. She shared favorite childhood memories and we talked about how she would be remembered in our home. Several hours later we picked up the two most beautiful brown haired, blue-eyed little girls, identical twins. We fell in love instantly and it all felt like a dream. 

She chose not to come with us and I felt foolish for even offering. Did we mishear God? Were we so totally off base? Then she held my hand and told us how meaningful our letter was to her. With tears in her eyes, she told us that when she read of our offer, she saw our hearts and knew that she wanted her girls to be raised by us. She expressed the deep peace she felt knowing that her girls were going to a wonderful, loving family. She chose us because of our letter. 

We spent several days together shopping and taking the most beautiful pictures of her and the girls, and all of us together. And then we loaded up the twins in our car and drove away. It felt wrong to leave her at the hotel. She was out of money and did not know where she was going for the night. We felt helpless.

I compiled our photos together in a small photo book and mailed it to her. We messaged back and forth regularly until her death two and a half short months later. We were surprised at her death. We were planning on doing so much more for her. How had she become such an intimate part of our family so quickly? The woman who had been forced by death to give us this most precious and perfect gift was suddenly gone. 

The dichotomy of emotions still overwhelms me. We grieved the death of this sweet mother while rejoicing for the incredible gift of parenting these girls. The two emotions rubbed against one another and I struggled to make sense of it all. 

Honestly, I still struggle. I should have done more. I should have figured out a way to love her better in her dying days. The deep tragedy of her untimely death is still felt profoundly, and yet if she hadn’t died, I would not have my daughters.

It feels strange and uncomfortable to grieve the circumstances that led to the adoption of your children. Shouldn’t you just be thankful? Shouldn’t you say “God works all things for the good?” No. I am heartbroken at her death. A mother was forced to make a decision she should never have to make. My girls lost their mother at a very young age and that is tragic. Simultaneously, I am overjoyed to be their mother. This is a gift that brings me indescribable joy and I thank God for it daily. 

Does the joy of being their mother make the tragedy of her death any less? No. 

Does the tragedy of her death take away from the joy of being their mother? No. 

The two cannot be reconciled. The joy and the tragedy exist together.

Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. Through this experience I can see a little more clearly the heartbreak caused by sin and separation. I can see the Father’s love as he fought for us, even unto death on a cross. I can see his joy as we turn back to him and he claims us as his newly adopted children. 

This is what adoption is: joy and tragedy existing together, bringing about new life. 
Redemption. 

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For more information about Christian Adoption Consultants, please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com. I'd love to help you!

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Brian and Jenn Johnson's Adoption Story

A global pandemic. Quarantined at home. Travel halted. Unrest and anxiety hovering as Covid-19 spread. Devastating racial injustice. Protests. Rising racial division and grief. Rioting. A nation desperate for peace. These were not the circumstances Brian and Jenn Johnson of Bethel Music expected they’d be in during their second adoption journey. And yet, for such a time as this their son Malachi would enter the world. As an Adoption Consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants who has walked the Johnsons through both of their adoption journeys, I’m honored to share some of their most recent adoption story today.

Brian and Jenn brought home their son, Ryder, in 2017. They have beautifully shared God’s heart for adoption and desire to walk out 1 John 3:18 (NLT) “Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” In February of this year, the Johnsons got in touch to let me know they were considering adopting again.

Like every couple thinking about adoption, they faced an inescapable reality: unknowns. Anyone interested in adopting will encounter this same impasse: in faith, will you take the step that’s visible in front of you, even though you can’t see all of the twists and turns ahead? Or will you stay put, held back by the inevitable uncertainties and potential challenges that could await you? Brian and Jenn chose to move forward, trusting the One who already knew what lay ahead, even though they did not. And no one could have predicted the storm that awaited them.

Almost as soon as they began working on their adoption home study (the process that legally approves you to adopt), Coronavirus began spreading in the U.S. Offices quickly began closing around them. If they couldn’t complete all of the necessary background checks and licensing process prior to businesses closing, their process would be stalled. Brian and Jenn raced to complete all of the paperwork and clearances required. And as He loves to do, God made a way where there seemed to be none. Incredibly, they became licensed to adopt in the middle of March right before everything officially hit pause from the virus.

At Christian Adoption Consultants, an important service we provide families with is a multi-agency approach. As a home study approved family, the Johnsons were officially ready to show their adoption profile book to expectant mothers making an adoption plan. I created a customized agency and attorney list for them to help them apply with multiple vetted offices across the U.S. in March. We sensed the Lord might be centering their story in Texas so we shifted our focus primarily to Texas agencies, open-handed to what God might do. But the question marks continued. How long would they wait to be chosen? Given Covid-19, would they even be allowed in the hospital when the time came for them to adopt? I prayed for the Lord to clearly lead them and asked Him to make a straight path through the obstacles.

Almost exactly two months later in May, one of the agencies they had applied with contacted Brian and Jenn about an expectant mom due soon who was choosing to place her baby for adoption. They were the perfect fit for this expectant mom and she was the perfect fit for them. This was exactly what they’d been waiting for. Chosen! To make it even sweeter, the hospital where the baby would be delivered had just opened back up to allow adoptive parents entrance. With every unknown, God was paving the way to their son.

On May 12, in the midst of a world swirling with suffering, precious Malachi Judah (meaning “messenger of praise”) was born. In God’s kindness, Brian and Jenn were able to be there for his first breaths, supporting his courageous birth mom with their love and watching again the miracle of adoption.

It’s been such an honor for Christian Adoption Consultants to support and guide Brian and Jenn as they welcomed Ryder and now Malachi home forever. Despite the uncertainties and difficulties, they stepped out in faith with their “yes” and trusted God’s heart. He was so very faithful. Jenn’s words on her Instagram convey it well: “Welcome to the world son. You were born for such a time as this. You are the sweetest and a gift from God.” Amen.

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What's a CAC Adoption Consultant? Read here.

Why choose Christian Adoption Consultants? Check this out.

Questions? Shoot me an email at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com

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Brent and Leslie's Adoption Story

One of my favorite things about being an adoption consultant with CAC is getting a front row seat to the deep work of faith growth that God regularly does in hearts along the way. It inevitably challenges and strengthens my own faith as I watch God speaking to the adoptive parents that I work with. Now about three years after Brent and Leslie brought home their daughter, I continue to give thanks for the ways they sought God in the midst of questions and difficulty. Leslie reflects back on their adoption journey:

Never say never. I vividly remember sitting in our church around ten years ago listening to a visiting pastor talk about he and his wife’s adoption story. I thought to myself and even told my husband that adoption was just something I could never do.

Fast forward some years and a house full of boys later....after experiencing complications in my pregnancy that made any further pregnancy extremely risky, we knew that God closed that door so that we could see Him swinging the one to adoption wide open.

Thus beginning our adoption story, that was nothing like I had planned, but thanks to the faithfulness of God exactly what we needed- both in the journey and the result.

To be very honest, when we started the process my “plan and expectation” was that we would be matched extremely quickly with the momma of a baby girl who would want a semi-open to closed adoption, and I would have leaned more in the direction of closed.

And then God... 

First, during our home study process God used the experiences that adult adoptees shared to begin to crack open my mind and help me see the benefit in open adoptions. My heart began to change and we began to present to a wide array of situations, expecting to match quickly. And then we got one “no,” then two, and then three. And then we got a “YES!” We were so so excited! A baby girl due to be born in 10 weeks. We made our plans, began to buy plane tickets and book our lodging. A week later we got the call that everyone fears. She had changed her mind. Failed adoption.

We all just cried together and suddenly, my oldest stood up and yelled out, “WHY?!?!? Why did she change her mind? I wanted that baby girl so much! I WOULD DIE TO HAVE HER!” And in THAT moment, I knew the heart of Jesus like I had not known before. His willingness to go to the cross so that He could have us in eternity with Him.

A failed adoption was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but one of the most teaching. It was through that experience that I drew closer to God than maybe ever before. He wouldn’t “waste” this trial. He would turn it for our good and His glory! We were totally reliant like we never were before, because this deep DEEP longing for a daughter was FULLY dependent upon His provision of her. And so I would sit praying with both desperation and expectation. Waking up every day and think, “Is today the day?” Presenting to situation after situation, both forcing myself to be vulnerable enough to risk the heartache of another “no” again, and trusting the Lord enough to wait on Him. They were long, hard, faith testing days.

This was the time when we saw the infinite value of having Katie!!! It was beyond words helpful to have someone who had both walked the adoption path themselves, but also walked it with so many others. She had watched and could testify about the faithfulness of God in people’s story- EVEN in the hardest times. She sent me articles and books to read, one with the quote I will never forget—“That which makes us pray more, is for our good.” She was many times our Godsend, working as His hands and feet to make sure we kept our focus on Him. I don’t know how we could have done it without her!!!

And then one day Katie called. She was calling about a situation that was complex. There were some medical unknowns, even some potential concerns, and the financial situation would be more of a stretch for us than we had planned it to be. We got some more information about it and decided to present. And then it was silence for days. Late on a Saturday night, on our 11th anniversary, we got a call saying it was a YES!!!! Baby girl was due in 20 days!

At the hospital, we watched as her birth parents held and kissed her in awe and love. The time we had getting to know them more was incredible. And then, the next day, a tiny, beautiful, 5lb 4oz baby girl was now our daughter. Our baby girl! All our waiting, all the heartache, all the unknowns, it was all worth it at that moment. She was ours. God had given us this amazing gift. A daughter!

And it was simply all God. All of it. Him changing our hearts towards open adoption. Him closing all the doors to all of the other situations. Him allowing the failure, to create in our hearts a longing for a daughter so that we would consider a situation that we might not have otherwise. Him bringing us to this family, to this beautiful baby girl. All of it was God and may it all be for His glory! Always! I cannot even believe we have a little girl who is almost three.  She is a beautiful, spunky, sweet, opinionated little thing, who we love more than words can express!  She truly has completed us! 

And now, almost three years later, our continued experience with open adoption continues to be a complete blessing!  We have a closed Facebook page with her birth mom and dad, her birth grandmother, two aunts, and one uncle and we share pictures and videos, which allows them all to watch her grow.  We FaceTime with her birth mom every six months or so at least, but we message back and forth weekly.  Upon occasion, we are able to message with others in the group as well! I know this will be SUCH an important thing for our daughter as she grows, understands more about adoption, and can know more about her birth family.  What I once feared, is something I now cherish so deeply and am forever grateful for! 

For CAC's free Adoptive Parent Information Packet and more info about domestic adoption please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com!

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Adoption + The Sibling Perspective: Katie's Thoughts

Though our temptation can be to simply focus on how adoption affects our lives as adoptive parents, there are many more people's lives intricately connected and impacted when someone adopts a child. Most importantly, the adoptee themselves, as well as the child's birth parent. But another important person in the equation is a sibling whose parents have chosen to adopt. Katie was almost 15 when her family adopted the first time and 17 when they brought home her sister through adoption. I'm so glad you get to hear today from Katie about her "sibling perspective."

Did you have any fears or concerns while your family was in the adoption process waiting before your siblings were born? How did the Lord meet you in those?

When we first began the adoption process, I was honestly really excited. We did a lot of fundraisers as a family and so the excitement and momentum was high. However, in both adoption journeys, once we reached the part where our profile was being shown to birth families, I struggled with different emotions. After a few situations didn’t work out, I wrestled with the question: “Would we ever adopt a baby?” I remember a specific moment, after we had received another “no,” that my heart became angry. The tears fell and I cried out to God, “Why are you making us wait so long?”

As I look back at that moment, I am reminded how raw those emotions were. They came from a real place of pain in my heart, but it was met in the most beautiful way, as God revealed Himself faithful again and again. Now, as I look into the eyes of my brother and my sister, I realize over and over how perfect God’s plan was and is. All of those matches that fell through, all of those phone calls we missed, and all of the babies that didn’t “work out," they were all just stepping stones to the two He had for our family. And I wouldn’t trade my siblings for anyone else.

What are some things that you love about adoption and how God brought your siblings to you?

Even before we started on this journey, God placed a love for adoption within my heart. But it wasn’t until we started the process that I began to see what a beautiful picture it is of God’s adoption of us. We are orphans, who have no hope whatsoever in the world, but God comes and makes us His children. 

“But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.” Galatians 4:4-7

I also love how adoption brings people together. It can be the most amazing bridge of hope for men, women and children in need. It allows mothers (families) who are in desperate situations to be able to give life and a future to their child. The birth moms (and families) who give up their children are some of the strongest people. They are giving their flesh and bone to someone else, entrusting their child into someone else’s family. Their selflessness and love in how they choose to give their child hope is something I admire every time I hear an adoption story.

Ultimately, I stand in awe at the hand of God; you truly can’t deny that His goodness is in each and every situation. My brother’s life was on the brink of being ended through abortion, but God had a different story. My sister was unwanted, and her only hope was a life of instability through the foster system. But God had different plans. And He protected my siblings and brought them into our family in the most beautiful way. 


What do you wish people knew about adoption?

If I was sitting down with someone to talk about adoption, I would love them to see that adoption is so much more than giving a child a family. It is a tangible picture of the gospel, by which God gives you the opportunity every single day to share His love with these children, who otherwise would have no hope. Because adoption is, in one sense, a rescue mission, it is hard. There may be a lot of obstacles to overcome. There may be a lot of pain and heartbreak involved. It can be an emotional roller coaster and the financial mountain keeps growing year after year. Trauma will be involved, no matter how young the baby is when adopted. There will be people who won’t understand. However, all of this just makes the grace of God more evident. For it is the only thing that is constant in all of the ups and downs of the process. And when the time comes when the child is called by your name, it makes every tear, worth it. 

What has God taught you about Himself through the adoption in your family?

God has taught me so many things through adoption. I have witnessed His faithfulness over and over again. There were so many things that could have happened, so many outcomes that could have come into play, and so many circumstances that could have deterred us from adopting, and yet, God brought us through every valley. He provided every single penny of the $90,000+ it cost us to adopt both my siblings. He protected both of their birth moms during their pregnancies and births. And even when things went different than I had expected them to go, I can see now, that all of His ways were/are perfect. He cares for everything we walk through, even down to the tiniest details. 

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me at: katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com

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How To Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted

Few things can strike fear in the heart of a newly adoptive parent like the thought of talking with their child about their adoption story. We know that it's so very important and we don't want to get it wrong! So how exactly do you tell your child that they are adopted? After walking with many adoptive parents as an Adoption Consultant, studying informative adoption research, listening to the voices of adult adoptees and adoption social workers, and caring for my own children that were adopted, I've seen 9 important components that are essential to telling your child their adoption story.

How To Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted: 9 Essentials

1) Talk about it from the very beginning
One of the best pieces of advice we ever received during our home study process was this: start talking to your child about their adoption from Day One. I remember thinking,"Wait. You want me to talk to my teeny infant about their adoption? They can’t even speak yet!” But yes-that’s exactly what adoption professionals encourage parents to do! Talking about adoption from the very beginning gives your child the foundation of knowing their adoption story. It also gives you the chance to gain confidence in learning how to share your child’s story with them. Of course, your little baby won’t understand it initially, but as time goes on, you'll find that even young children can comprehend much more than we give them credit for. When you talk about adoption from the very beginning, your child will never have a life altering “moment” of discovering they are adopted. Instead, they will grow up knowing the truth about their story. By talking about adoption right away, you are giving them a strong foundation to build upon as they form their identity.

2) Use pictures
If you have pictures of your child’s birth family, hang some in their room or make a book with the pictures. Some families have found that creating a “birth book” or "life book" that tells the child’s adoption story with pictures can be a great resource to use as they talk with their young child about adoption. Even if you don’t have pictures with your child’s birth family, show them pictures that you do have of your child when you first met them. Use those photos as a springboard to share with them about the first moment you saw them, about what they looked like, about the time you spent with their birth family (if that pertains to you) and use words like "birth mom" and "adopted" to begin familiarizing your child with adoption terms.

3) Read books with adoption themes
There are some wonderful books for children about adoption. (There are also some pretty confusing and unhelpful ones so make sure to read through any book first to make sure it’s a good fit for your particular child!) Books that use accurate and positive adoption language, convey both the beauty and brokenness of adoption, and highlight how loved the child is by their birth and adoptive families are particularly helpful.

4) Speak positively about your child's birth family
Speak words about your child's birth family that are positive and kind. Weave these thoughts into every day conversation. Does your child share some physical features with their birth family? “I love your beautiful brown eyes. They look just like your birth mom’s beautiful brown eyes.” Are there things you know about your child’s birth family that your child has in common with them that you could share? Maybe you don’t know much at all about your child’s birth family, but you do know they loved their child so much that they gave them life. In some extreme situations involving neglect or abuse, finding something positive to say is not easy. Don't make something up! However, no matter what type of situation your child is coming from, there is typically something good that you can share with them about their birth family-people made in God's image..

5) Share honestly with age appropriateness
Adoption is filled with brokenness and loss. While adoption might be one of the greatest blessings in your life as adoptive parents, it has come at an enormous cost for your child and for their birth family. Don’t sugarcoat your child’s story; be honest. Depending on their age, the details you share with them will be different. As your child grows, so will the amount of details you tell them, but make sure that you’re always telling the truth. As an adoptive parent, this point can be particularly scary because we want to protect our children from pain. Yet, by not telling them the truth about their story, we’re actually causing them more pain and giving them reasons to question our trustworthiness and potentially tempt them to imagine worst case scenarios. So start with the general foundation of their story and build upon it with age appropriateness, sharing more details as they grow.

6) Be your child’s safe support 
As you talk about adoption, acknowledge your child’s feelings and let them know it’s ok to feel however they do. Hold them, sit with them, remind them of how loved they are, let them know that you will always be there for them. Listen without interrupting and remind them that they can tell you anything. Remember that this isn’t about you. When they ask questions or share their thoughts, ask follow up questions to understand more where they are coming from instead of assuming. Remember, even if they say things that are hard for you to hear, your child needs your support. Sit with them in their grief or anger or whatever they feel at the moment; don't dismiss or make them feel as if they shouldn't be feeling the way that they do. Let them know that whatever they are feeling or thinking about adoption, their feelings will not take away your love.

7) Keep talking about it
Talking with your child about their adoption isn’t a “one and done” deal. You need to keep talking about it with them throughout their lifetime. Your child should not need to be the one to bring up adoption. It’s your job as the parent to keep the conversation going. Let me assure you-just because your child doesn't bring up adoption doesn't mean they aren't thinking about it. If you don’t continue to bring up adoption with your children, they may feel like it’s an “off-limits” topic and never bring their thoughts and questions to you. Adult adoptees often share that they were afraid to voice questions about their story because they didn't ever want their parents to feel hurt or to perceive those questions as a lack of love for them. Invite your children's questions and even if they don't share any, continue talking about adoption. Help them feel secure and free to talk with you about their adoption by being the one to bring it up regularly.

8) Seek professional help
If at any point you find you need additional support in talking with your child about their adoption, please don’t hesitate to seek it out. There is no shame in needing professional help. These are complex things that are sometimes difficult to work through, both for you and for your child. Loving your child means giving them tools to help them process their story and a licensed professional counselor familiar with adoption and trauma can be an invaluable tool to help your child.

9) Trust your perfect Heavenly Father
Seek God's face as you have these conversations with your child. We often simply don't know what to say as we share about adoption with our kids, but we do know that God promises to give us wisdom as we ask. We can confidently go to Him in prayer with that request for wisdom and help. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5  There are no perfect words that will magically take away the hard aspects of your child's adoption. You don't have the perfect words to share with your child about their adoption story but you do have a perfect Heavenly Father. God is able to help our children find comfort and peace in their hearts as they navigate the details of their adoption story. We can trust His care. Ultimately, He is the one who will carry your child through the ups and downs of processing adoption throughout their lifetime.

(Note: I highly recommend this ebook for more detailed information about what to share at what age, specific helpful children's books related to adoption, how to speak to "tough topics," etc.)

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For more information about domestic infant adoption and Christian Adoption Consultants, please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com

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Guest Post: To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

In my role at Christian Adoption Consultants as I walk with hopeful adoptive parents, one of the things I hope to spread is the importance of listening to all members of the adoption triad: birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents. As Mother's Day approaches, I'm sharing some letters from members of the triad. As I thought about who I wanted to ask to write a letter to the mamas in waiting, my friend, Kim, immediately came to mind. The Lord has given her a gift for words and she so beautifully shares them below. Thank you, Kim!

To The Waiting Woman Who Longs To Be A Mother

Hello friend,

I rolled out of bed in a bad mood and reluctantly dressed for church. This act of putting on my “Sunday best” was even more unbearable on this ominous day. I scowled aimlessly at the floor and imagined the women who would don matching dresses and the little girls sporting big pink bows. “I’m sure all the little boys were up early picking wildflowers while their fathers made breakfast and let their mommies sleep in”, I muttered mockingly to the empty room. Alone, in my little bathroom, I looked up to put my makeup on - getting the first real glimpse of my angry look and tired eyes. Suddenly, with fierce intensity, my fake bravado melted into body shaking sobs as I realized I was not alone. The God that made me revealed in an instant the deepest recesses of my heart and beckoned me to Him with undeserved patience and grace. As I cried, I could imagine his gentle embrace inviting me to unleash the full weight of disappointment and confusion into his capable hands. I sent up a desperate prayer, “Lord you are the God that weeps with those who mourn. Can you handle my pain? Can you take some of this burden? Can you impart your strength on this day of all days?”

I imagine, dear one, that you would prefer to spend this morning hiding beneath your covers in a dark room. Perhaps if you stay there long enough you can pretend this day never came and the longing you feel to be accepted would wait to wash over you another day. The dread and sadness feel palpable and you wonder if you accidentally put that on instead of the dress you pulled from the closet. Running into all of the perfectly coifed women with their darling little bundles would only cause the inevitable barrage of heart questions you work hard to stifle on a moment by moment basis. And you wonder if this is what you are pregnant with. Questions. Heart-wrenching questions. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something to deserve this? Does God want good things for me? Does He see me?

Will I ever be a Mom?

Love, I have been there. I can walk into that memory as if it’s a panorama that preserved some of my darkest moments. It’s an exhibit I never wanted to visit and I’m deeply sorry that you have been given a ticket to the show. But, I’m happy to sit with you and allow you to cry on my shoulder as you ask the questions that I could never supply a satisfying answer for. Because I learned that this gift of infertility did not give me answers but people. People who tried not to offend, people who tried to understand, people who wept with me in silence, people who bound up the broken places, people who fought beside me in prayer. It was the people God gave me, that led me to understand that my longing to be a mom would only be satisfied in the arms of Jesus. If He wasn’t enough, no child would ever be able to fill that pit.

It would be easy to stay home this week - and you can. I get it. But if you can muster the dependence it takes to bravely walk into the world, I believe you’ll find hope lies within the body of believers the Lord is preparing you to encourage. Because while infertility comes at a significant cost, what you buy with your heartache is a gift I would never return. This gift led me to deeper relationship with my husband, a more dependent faith in Christ, an ever-expanding village we call family, and, eventually, six amazing children who grew in my heart. These six jewels in my crown were knit together with providence and foreknowledge. They were on my Savior’s mind as he calmed my sobs and listened empathetically to my burdensome questions. He always saw me. And He sees you too, beloved.

So this year, your arms may be empty but I’m praying your heart will be full. If you’re feeling left out try sitting up straight so everyone can see your crown.

                                                            
                                                            His, yours,
                                                                        Kim aka “Mama”


(You can read other writing from CAC mama, Kim, here: Depths of Love, The Cost Of Infertility: 10 Reflections, A Broken Crown.)

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For more information about domestic infant adoption, please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com

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