Dishes Can Wait

I woke up tired, slapped together some quick breakfast, threw in a load of laundry, and rushed to get out of the door on time.  As usual, I was late.  I drove to her apartment, my mind racing with the litany of things I could be doing.  "My house is a wreck.  I didn't unload the dishwasher.  Tali needs help with her phonics.  I hope the kids are good for their grandma.  Do I really have time for this?"

I saw her waiting quietly for me by her front door, her sweet baby girl peeking out at me from the colorful wrap. Instant screams erupted as I lifted the little one into her carseat and headed to the clinic with my Burmese friend and her baby.  I had no idea exactly why the visit was needed, only that she can't speak much English or drive and needed my help to get there.

"How many years married?" I asked her in simplified English.  She thought for a moment, then smiled, "Seven year," she replied.  

"I...Katie...I am 31.  How old are you?"  "Thirty year," she confidently said as we pulled into the clinic parking lot, searching for an open space.  I have known my new friend for a couple of months now but I marveled at this piece of information.  We have both been married for seven years.  We are almost the same age.  And yet our lives could not have unfolded more differently.  All I have known is safety, stability, familiarity.  All that my friend has known is upheaval.

We quickly took the crying baby out of the carseat and she fastened her into her wrap once more.  I attempted to tell her how beautiful I thought the wrap was with little success.  "Kee-tee, kahz-oles?  Like kahz-oles?" she peered into my eyes.  I wracked my brain for some sort of guess as to what "kahz-oles" meant but came up with nothing.  As often is the case with our conversations, we both smiled, knowing we had tried to communicate and had failed.

We entered a waiting room surrounded by loud, energetic children.  There were babies crying.  There were toddlers standing on tables.  There was Spanish and broken English and in the noise and commotion, my friend's sweet baby was lulled right to sleep.  Everywhere I looked I saw pregnant teenage mothers toting solemn faced children and nurses patiently smiling amidst the chaos and poverty.

"How many years were you in the refugee camp?"  I asked.  I learned that she had lived half of her life there, met her husband there, even had four of her five babies there.  "When...I come America?  I no English," she shook her head and smiled. 

After around an hour of waiting, we were finally called back.  Through the help of a translator, the doctor conveyed her concern for the baby's low iron counts and weight that had dropped off of the charts.  Nutritional concepts are completely new to my dear friend who has spent years eating mainly beans and rice.  The baby needs iron and protein and fat.  The doctor asked if I could help her go shopping for some healthy foods for the baby.

As we left the clinic, I asked her about going grocery shopping.  "No money on card.  No money till 17," she said.  Thankful that I could help in some small way, I bought her some groceries.  I tried to explain how to make the baby cereal, and we drove back to her apartment.  It had now been three hours since I had left home.  I carried the food to her kitchen and began to leave.  

"Kee-tee?"  She called my name as she picked up a stack of beautiful blue cloth.  "Kee-tee, kahz-oles.  For you.  Kahz-oles.  Thank you." I unfolded the intricately woven skirt and shirt that she had brought with her all the way from Thailand, running my fingers over the colorful design.  I looked up into her smiling face, amazed at this act of extravagant kindness from my friend that truly has very few possessions.  

Hours before, I had wondered if I had the time to help.  Now, as I drove the fifteen minutes home, my eyes brimmed with tears and my mind flooded with the sights and sounds of the afternoon.  All of the injustices that my friend has seen in her life, all of the pregnant scared young moms like I saw in the waiting room, people with no money to buy their baby food, all of the doctors and nurses and relief workers everywhere trying to make a difference in a world where there is always another need to fill...it felt sickening and oppressive.  I cried out to God to do something, to come and act and help.  And I whispered thanks to Him for how He already is helping-for the opportunity to be a part of His work in caring for even just this one family.  As I looked at my new "kahz-oles" (clothes), I suddenly could not imagine a better use of my afternoon.

* If you would like to know more about helping a refugee family in need, this is a great place to check out.

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Fear Not: Part 7

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, you can find them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.)

I want to just be really honest here and say that this idea of actually needing to fight for faith has been the crucial point of challenge for me.  I don't want to have to work at this.  I want everything in life to be easy-lasting peace included.  I want to just slap a scripture on it and repeat, “Fear not, fear not” a couple times and feel all better. But that’s not how trust in God usually grows.

If you want to strengthen your muscles, you don’t expect that just sitting at home on your couch is going to do anything to help you get toned.  And we rarely grow in trusting God by merely doing nothing either.  There is a war going on in our hearts - the war for faith in God.  Wars aren’t won in a day and we won’t win the war against fear in a day either.  There’s battle after battle after exhausting and challenging battle before victory comes.  The question is whether we’re going to choose to pick up our weapons and fight for faith or merely be trampled by our fears.

So how about you?  Are you using the weapons of prayer and the weapon of reminding yourself of what God’s Word says is true about Him?  Are you doing that even when your feelings and circumstances are screaming otherwise?  Or are you just passively listening to what your fears and circumstances seem to be saying?

I’d like to share a little bit about how fighting fears with faith in God has made a difference in my life.  I share this not to make you think highly of me (I could never have brought about this change on my own).  I share this to give you hope.  I’ve never met a person more consumed with fears than I was and I have seen that God really can transform fearful hearts like mine.  It really is possible for you and for me to grow with the help of the Holy Spirit.

First, let me share some things that I’ve tried to do over the years to weaken fears and anxieties.  I’ve tried to ignore it (you know-try just not to think about it and hope it goes away).  That didn’t work.  I tried to convince it away (you know-tell myself that the statistics were incredibly unlikely that I would get kidnapped while going to the mailbox).  That didn’t help.  I tried to educate my fears away (you know-scour the Internet for every possible way to eliminate anxiety attacks).  That didn’t work either.  In fact, going to the Internet to help me weaken fear has only brought on more fears.  I’ve tried to barter with God; “Lord, don’t you think I deserve some peace?  I’m trying to follow You!”  That didn’t bring me lasting peace either.  So what did help me not to fear what is frightening? Honestly it’s been the two things that Philippians 4 mentions: prayer and "talking to myself."

I started really engaging in this war against fear when I came to our church. The Lord kindly introduced me to a book by Ed Welch that my friend, Jodi gave me about fearing people vs. trusting God.  Through this book and some other excellent resources, God started to show me that my fears were not happening just because I’m naturally introverted or because of my family background or because this is just how I’ve always been.  I started seeing that fear had to do with my heart and what I was really believing about God.  I started to see that through the help of the Holy Spirit teaching me to fight for faith, lasting peace was really possible.

I began to re-read passages in scripture about anxiety and started asking God to help me see how trustworthy He really is.  Instead of just reading the same scriptures over and over hoping that just reading them would change me, I started praying through scripture and thinking about it.  I began talking to myself and reminding myself of who God is.  Slowly, over time, this started to become a way of life for me.

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Fear Not: Part 6

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, here they are: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.)

We weaken fears with faith by talking to God and we weaken fears with faith by talking to ourselves, in other words, by thinking about what is true.  “Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise-think about that.  Practice that and the God of peace will be with you.”  Do you see what the Apostle Paul getting at here? We weaken fears and anxieties by thinking, or talking to ourselves about what’s true.

This kind of thinking is not some sort of "power of positive thinking". This isn’t just trying to make yourself feel better by repeating, “Don’t fear!  Don’t fear!  Don’t fear!” This kind of thinking is a way of fighting for faith in who God really is.

But what if we do try to think about truth and we find that it’s just not doing anything for us-that it’s making no difference?  You know, “I’ve tried.  It didn’t work.”  Ever been there?  When fears and anxieties threaten to overwhelm us, it can be really hard to believe the truth. When we feel like the truth about who God is really isn’t helping us, that should be like a warning light.  “Alert!  Alert!  Something’s not right.  Check your heart!”  If we’re not believing that God is who He says He is, we’re doubting Him.  

Ladies, I just want to pause for a second and say again that some of the situations you’re facing right now are really absolutely frightening, more than I can understand. When fears and anxieties seem to be closing in all around us, believing that God really is our loving Father who will strengthen us and help us does not come naturally.  If you’re having a hard time believing the truth about God in the midst of your scary circumstance, that’s not surprising.  That’s especially true because our fears lie.  I’ve seen this over and over again in my own life; fears lie and their lies seem so believable when I’m afraid.

We’ll talk about this more specifically in a little bit, but right now, I just want to encourage you-this is why we desperately need the Holy Spirit’s help; we are so quick to doubt God.  We need to go to Him, just like Paul exhorted us to in Philippians 4.  We need to cry out to Him to help us believe. “I do believe, Lord help my unbelief!”  It may also be helpful to include others, asking them to remind us of what’s true about our loving Father that is with us.  And it’s also really important not to just read scripture, but to preach it to ourselves and to keep preaching it to ourselves rather than listening to the lies that whisper and sometimes SHOUT in our hearts.

Martin Loyd Jones, a Welsh preacher that lived in the first part of the 20th century explained it this way:

“The main trouble in this whole matter...in a sense is this, that we allow our self to talk to us instead of talking to our self. Am I just trying to be deliberately paradoxical? Far from it. This is the very essence of wisdom in this matter. Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?"

“You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, question yourself...you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.”

We’re constantly talking to ourselves.  Thoughts go through our head all day long.  But are we talking to ourselves about what is actually true? In the midst of being afraid, it’s not easy to believe what is true about God and to think about those things-that's why it's called a fight.  It really is a fight for faith.

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Fear Not: Part 5

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click here for Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.)

What does it really mean to weaken fear by fighting for faith in God?  Let’s look together for a minute at some familiar verses, found in Philippians 4:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

These verses mention two main ways we can weaken fear by fighting for faith in God:  first, by talking to Him-in other words, by praying and crying out to Him. And secondly, we fight for faith in God by talking to ourselves (essentially, by thinking about what is true).

The beginning of these verses pretty plainly say, “Don’t be anxious-don’t fear.  Instead-pray let your requests be made know to God."  And then, here’s what happens: the peace of God will guard your heart and mind.  We fight fear with faith by praying to God-pouring our hearts out to Him and asking for His help.  

So for example, when we face a really frightening situation like when we’re uncertain about the state of our finances, we can fight our fears by going to God.  “Lord, this is really scary.  I have no idea how You’re going to provide but I know that you’ve promised to meet our needs.  You provide for the birds! Please help me believe that you’ll provide for us, and please do provide. I know that You’re with me even though I don’t feel like it.  Lord, please help me to trust you!”  We weaken fear by fighting for faith in God through talking to Him.  Who else could we possibly talk to that can help us more than God himself?  

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Fear Not: Part 4

(This continues the series where I'm re-posting a message that I shared with the women of our church.  If you missed the beginning, check out Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.)
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There’s an analogy here that’s helped me think about how trusting in who God really is can shape my fears. Imagine that you’re on a walk with your brother who just happens to be a heavyweight boxer. He’s got muscles popping out everywhere.  He’s won every boxing fight that he’s ever faced.  The dude can seriously fight.

Now, let’s say you’re on a walk with your brother and a man suddenly approaches you and yells, “Hand over your purse!”

In that moment, you’re in a really scary situation.  But are you afraid?

Well sure, your heart’s probably still beating wildly but you’re certainly not as terrified as you would be if you were alone.  You’re probably thinking, “This guy doesn’t even know what he just got himself into!”  You’re not fearing because you know who’s with you.  You know that your brother can take this would-be thief out in an instant and flatten him like a pancake!  Not only does your brother love you, he wants to help you and he’s got the power to back you up.  It’s not a perfect illustration, but it’s helpful for me.

Our loving Father-God, is stronger than any boxer in the world.   And this powerful, loving God, this is the one who promises that He’ll be with us to strengthen, help, and uphold us.

Listen to what Charles Spurgeon tells us about the certainty that God really will help us:

“It is but a small thing for me, your God, to help you.  Consider what I have done already.  What! not help you?  Why, I bought you with my blood.  What!  not help you?  I have died for you; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less?  Help you!  It is the least thing I will ever do for you; I have done more, and I will do more.  I laid aside my glory and became a man for you; I gave up my life for you; and if I did all this, I will surely help you now.”

The cross has demonstrated once and for all that God really is for us.  Our God has promised to be with us and to help us.  So Isaiah 41:10 shows us that the fight to weaken fear is a fight for believing the truth about who God is; it’s a fight for faith in God.  The fight for peace is a fight for faith.

But what does it really mean to weaken fear by fighting for faith in God?

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Fear Not: Part 3

(This continues the series where I'm re-posting the message that I shared last year with the women of our church.  If you missed the beginning, you can read Part 1 and Part 2.)
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The reason that we’re called not to fear isn’t because scary things don’t happen (they do!) or because we can handle them on our own (we can’t).  The Israelites really were facing a very frightening situation that they simply could not handle on their own.  The reason that they were called not to fear, the reason we’re called not to fear is because of the truth of who God is.  This is how God wants us to weaken the influence of fear: by fighting for faith in Him.

God tells us, “Fear not for/or because: I AM WITH YOU."  Why are we called not to fear? Because God is with us.  He’ll never leave us; this isn’t just a nice idea or an isolated verse in scripture.  This promise is repeated over and over and over again in God’s Word.  Just one of many other places where this is said is Hebrews13:5, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  He’s with us!

God tells us, “Be not dismayed for/or because, I am your God.”  Why are we called not to fear?  Because He is our God-ours!  He’s not a distant stranger; if we have put our hope in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins, we have a relationship with God as our loving Father. We’re His children!  He really cares about us because we’re His.  He promises this over and over again in His Word. For example, Isaiah 43:1 says, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

God tells us, “I will strengthen you.  I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Why are we called not to fear? Because He promises to strengthen us! He promises to help us.  He promises to uphold us with His righteous right hand.

Think of the Israelites again.  They were in the desert for 40 years; a really frightening situation.  They were utterly dependent on God to provide even the very food that they ate.  And what did He do?  He gave them a new food that they’d never even heard of; He gave them manna.  He came through for them with just enough food for each and every day so that they wouldn’t starve.  God really did strengthen, help and uphold them even while their scary situation continued for decades and decades.  And this same God promises to strengthen, help, and uphold us.

This is who God is.  He’s our loving father that’s with us.  No matter what happens, He will strengthen us and help us and uphold us.  If we’re really believing this, shouldn’t it make a difference when we face things that are scary?

(Check back tomorrow for Part 4.)

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Fear Not: Part 2

(This post is part of a series where I'm re-posting a message that I shared last year with the ladies of our church.  To read Part 1, go here.)

Over the years, I’ve come to accept that I’m not an expert in many things.   I've had to accept that for whatever reason, apart from the Lord’s help, I am just very very prone to fear what is frightening.

Whether you’re a fear “expert” like me, or more casually aware of an occasional anxiety, we all are acquainted with fears.  In the midst of our fears and worries, something deep down within us wants to know...is it really possible to have lasting peace? If it is possible, how?  

We’re going to spend some time in God’s word this morning to see what He says about how we can weaken the influence of fear in our lives. Let’s turn together in our Bibles to Isaiah 41.  One passage that’s been especially helpful to me over the years in my own struggle against fear is found in this chapter. 

Isaiah is writing to the people of the southern kingdom of Israel.  In the early parts of Isaiah, God forecasts that the people are going to experience His judgment.  They’ll experience His judgment by losing everything they’ve held dear and taken refuge in in this world.  They’ll even lose their land and their homes.  Pretty scary situation, right?  But then later in the book of Isaiah, God begins speaking words of reassurance to His people, even as they face the prospect of a terrifying situation, of losing everything that’s mattered to them. Follow along with me in Isaiah 41:10 to hear the Lord loving speak to His fearful children: 

God tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you.  Be not dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

This call from God not to fear isn’t a judicial order; God wasn’t barking out an uncaring or exasperated command like, “FEAR NOT! “ That’s not the heart behind God’s words. These words are being spoken from the mouth of a loving Father that really cares about His fearful children.

Imagine holding your child that you deeply love in your arms-your child that’s crying and scared, afraid of the dark and looking to you for comfort.  You want to help this little one; you don’t want this child that you love to fear so you tenderly and patiently say, “Don’t be afraid.”  That’s how God is lovingly speaking these words to the Israelities-the same nation that’s well known for years before having wandered in the desert for 40 years, a nation that grumbled against God and forgot Him, a nation that doubted again and again that He’d provide.  God is lovingly speaking these words to the Israelites as a loving Father and He’s speaking them to us as well.

Do you see that when He says, “Fear not,” He’s saying it with love?  God is not merely a distant judge, He’s a loving Father.  Before we even cared anything about Him, He decided-He chose to make us His children.  He adopted us into His family.  “In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will.” (Eph.1:4-5)  He is our loving father.

So we can see in Isaiah 41:10 that God lovingly calls us not to fear.  But there’s something else we need to see; we need to see the reason why He calls us not to fear.

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Fear Not: Part 1

Last year around this time, I did a series about the topic of fear.  A year might have passed, but I still need reminded of this stuff so I'm going to re-post it in large part for myself.  If it happens to help anyone else, well, that's great too!

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Recently, I had the joy of sharing at a women's meeting for our church.  The topic was something that each of us, men and women alike, are all too familiar with: fear.  I thought I'd go ahead and post the message in bite sized chunks for those who weren't able to make it.  

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Part 1
I’d like to start by telling you a story about a woman in this church.  You may or may not know her. It’s safe to say that we could probably characterize this woman as an “expert in fear.”   I’ve gotten her permission to share with you a bit of her story.  

Fear and anxiety had a grip on this woman even as a little girl. Even in elementary school and junior high she was so characterized by fear that she suffered from debilitating stomach aches.  She was so frightened about being alone that she begged her mom to sleep in her room each night.  She was so scared of talking with someone on the phone that she’d break out in a sweat whenever the phone rang.  Because she was so afraid of being seen as dumb, she rarely raised her hand to answer any questions in school even when she knew the answer.  She was so terrified of being kidnapped that she outright refused to go outside alone, even to the mailbox.

In high school, anxieties continued, even as her faith began to grow.  She was so frightened by the thought of getting into an accident that her parents literally had to make her get her driver’s license.  She feared falling short of the expectations of teachers, parents, and friends so much that she was perfectionistic in everything that she did.  She feared having nightmares to the extent that she dreaded going to bed at night.

These fears also ran deep in her relationship with God.  Because she was absolutely terrified of confessing any sin or really anything personal at all, she would feel sick even at the thought of giving a prayer request in youth group.  She was absolutely terrified of committing the unpardonable sin (even though she didn’t know what it was), worried that she would unknowingly commit it and be banished to hell forever.  Even though she was a Christian, she feared that maybe God wasn’t really who she thought He was-feared that maybe He wasn’t even real; this kept her up at night and she could hardly think of anything else.

The fears continued as she went away to college.  She was so anxious about the number of people in her lecture hall once that she had an anxiety attack, she broke out in hives and had to leave the room.  She feared falling into the same sins of drunkeness, sexual immorality, and worldliness that friends participated in so much that she felt panicky, even just being around them.  Because she was afraid that she might never get married, she struggled constantly with jealousy towards engaged and married friends around her.

And you can imagine how she has continued to struggle with fear once she did meet her husband and navigated learning to be a wife, not to mention getting pregnant and becoming a new mom.

This woman knew fear very well, didn’t she?  Fear was something she dealt with on a daily basis for years and years -it nearly overwhelmed her at points and even had physical consequences.  And I can verify that her fears about frightening things have absolutely consumed her at times.  I can verify that because this woman is me.

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