Saturday, June 23, 2012

Adoption Update: Applications Sent

When I began to fill these envelopes I expected to feel relief and excitement.  Relief because the adoption applications, copies of our homestudy, and profiles would finally be out of my hands.  Excitement because they'd soon be off to adoption agencies and attorneys that will help us bring our litte one home.  What I didn't expect were tears.

I touched each profile slowly, suddenly frozen with the gravity of what the pages represent.  Overcome with emotion, I whispered to Josh, "She'll touch these.  I don't know if we'll ever get to meet her or talk to her, but I'm touching this page that she will touch."  It felt like a holy moment.
I longed to somehow infuse our love into each page.  I lingered, desperately wanting this woman who is pregnant with our child to feel how much we love her right now, to believe that we care about her as a person and not just about the life growing inside of her.  I imagined what her hands might look like, imagined what she might feel as she flips through pages, trying to make one of most difficult decisions of her life.

As tears streamed down my face, I breathed prayers for whatever women will touch these books.  We don't know how many birthmoms will see our profile before we're connected with the one that wants us to parent her child.  Oh how I begged God to speak to each of those women, to tell them how courageous and selfless they are for choosing to give their child life, to tell them how much they are loved!

So yes, it's a relief and yes, it's exciting to have our applications finally mailed out.  We want to be parents again and we are praying it happens soon! But adoption is a mixture of grief and joy.  With every flicker of happy anticipation for this new baby comes a wave of sorrow for what's being lost.  As we gain a child, another mother will be saying goodbye to her baby.  I never want to be excited about our gain without being heartbroken for her loss.

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2 Comments

2 Responses to “Adoption Update: Applications Sent”

  1. beautiful and profound, Katie.

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  2. It reminds me of how much we gained through the Father's loss.

    Holy moment, indeed.

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