Saturday, September 8, 2012


I'm sitting here holding Titus, feeling like I'm in some sort of a dream.  This is my baby.  The baby we've been praying for and longing for.  He's my arms.  It is incredibly surreal.

Titus is our son and our hearts are so full, yet there is such a mixture of emotions as we pause to consider all that's happened in the last three weeks.  There really has been extreme emotions of sorrow and joy that have exploded in our hearts over such a short amount of time.

There's still a sorrow over the situation with the twins ending.  There's a mourning when I think of their birthmom and how much I miss talking with her and about the precious little boys that won't be a part of our family.  But there's an incomparable delight as I look at our Titus with gratitude and realize that he is everything we've been praying for!  There's an aching grief as we consider Titus' birthmom and all that she must be going through. There's a grief as I think about how I wasn't there for the nine months of his pregnancy, how I didn't get to talk to him in utero and tell him how much he is loved and wanted.  But there's awe and wonder as I kiss his little cheeks now and touch his soft hair and marvel that he is home with us.

These days feel very surreal, as if we're living in a movie or a dream.  Still, each morning, I wake up to the sounds of little baby grunts waiting to be answered with milk.  It is almost too much to take in...

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