There are some people out there who simply love to learn; my husband is one of them. He gets energized by a syllabus, assignments, and pages upon pages of reading. Then there are those of us who are thankful we’ve put our school years and studying far behind us! But whether or not you are someone who enjoys learning, wisely parenting in transracial adoption requires willingness and commitment to pursuing growth.
Why? Well, for starters, the stakes are high. We’ve been entrusted with the life of a child whose life experiences as a person of color will not be something we can personally identify with if we are not a person of color ourselves. In addition, most of us don’t come to adoption with much knowledge or awareness of how racial issues can impact life because honestly, we haven’t needed to think through it before, but our child will not have that option. And here’s the thing: we won’t magically gain the insight, knowledge, wisdom, and tools we need as parents of a multi-racial family. It takes humility to admit that we are desperately dependent on the Lord to help us learn! Like everything in life, growth doesn’t happen without the work of cultivating. As an Adoption Consultant, I've been honored to pray for and walk alongside many couples eager to dive into this work of growth. And in my own life, I've seen that committing to ongoing growth as a parent who has adopted transracially is crucial in the pursuit of loving my children well.
Here are 6 helpful questions for growth that we who have adopted transracially may benefit from asking ourselves regularly:
1) Do I appreciate and celebrate with my child God’s good design in creating people with many different colors all made in His image?
2) As my child watches my life, do they see that I value those who look different than me through my friendships and my words?
3) In what ways can I better honor and nurture my child’s cultural heritage?
4) How am I seeking to learn from those who share my child’s racial identity about what it’s like to live as a person of color in America?
5) What steps have I taken recently to grow in my understanding of ongoing racism in our country and how to work for change?
6) Am I relying on my own knowledge, or humbly going to my Heavenly Father to ask for His wisdom and help as I parent my child?
Even though it's been over 8 years since we first brought home our son through transracial adoption, I'm not exaggerating when I say that we still have so much to learn. My husband and I are committed to ongoing growth. In fact, as I was writing this post, I was freshly challenged and I'm grateful for that! You and I will never reach a time in this life where we have nothing more to learn as a parent. Thankfully, there is an all-knowing perfect Heavenly Father, ready to pour out His grace as we look to Him. Let’s keep going to the Lord and faithfully continue the process of growth as we care for our multi-racial family!
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