How Can You Afford Adoption?

We had many questions and fears when we began considering adoption. We thank God that those obstacles didn't keep us from the gift of our sweet little boy! But those fears and questions matter-they shouldn't be ignored.  It's important to think through your fears and examine them. One of the main thoughts that can prevent someone from actually pursuing adoption is the issue of money; how can someone afford to adopt?

This concern is pretty understandable.  Adoption is so expensive!  If you've had the desire to adopt but feel like there's no possible way you could afford it, you're not alone.  In fact, the majority of adoptive couples have thought that very same thing. My husband, Josh, and I definitely wondered how we would afford adoption before we started our journey. Like most couples considering adoption, we did not have the money saved and ready to go when we started or any idea exactly how we would get it.

I could tell you all about tons of grants available, interest free adoption loans, adoption fundraisers and other ways to fund adoption. I could tell you about the amazing friends and family and strangers that came alongside us. I could tell you about our adoption consultant who pointed us to helpful resources. I could tell you about the hundreds of families I've seen God provide for as I've guided them in their adoption journey as their consultant.

But if you aren't moving towards adoption because you believe you could never afford it, there's probably something bigger going on than just your financial situation. The heart behind this fear isn't mainly financial in nature: I think this is often an issue of priorities and faith.

We spend money on what we prioritize.  Those of us who are concerned about adoption finances aren't usually found saying, "I want to go on a vacation someday but I can't afford it," or "I'd love a car but I can't afford it," or "I wish I could go to college but I just could never put together the finances." It's a rare thing for me to hear someone worried about adoption finances say, "I always wanted to buy a house but I could never afford one." These things are all very expensive, but we don't let that keep us from them.  

We find a way to do what matters to us.  We plan, we save, we take out loans, we work an extra job, we ask people for help, we trim our budget, we do whatever we have to do to find a way to fund what we care about. Why would we let fear of how the money will come in keep us from pursuing something way more valuable than a house or a car?  

This is a hard word to hear but I think it's important to consider. It is possible that this holdup is about something other than your finances? We look at the financial expense of adoption and think of it solely in terms of what WE can accomplish. We don't have enough money. How could we ever afford it? 

But if you're a Christian then you have a God who owns everything-including all the money in the world. 

"The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts." Haggai 2:8

It all belongs to Him and He is in charge of it. You have a Father who loves His children. You have a Creator who gave everything that you might be adopted into His family! 

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 1 John 3:1

He loves adoption and He loves to provide for adoption! He will make a way to fund what He calls you to.

Beyond those things, there is a sure and certain hope that we have of God's commitment to us because of the Cross. If you are a Christian, then God has met your greatest need at the Cross. God sent His Son, Jesus, to die in your place, taking the punishment that you deserved because of your sins. He is such a wildly generous and gracious God!

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

Does this mean that God will give each of His children money for whatever they want? No. That's not the point of the truths I shared, and that would be grossly misinterpreting Scripture. I'm not saying you should jump right in and start the process without a dime to your name or that God's going to drop thousands of dollars in your lap the second you move forward. If you are deep in debt, without a job, or unable to make ends meet currently, then this is not the right time for you to adopt. But if you're in a stable financial spot and your only hold up to pursuing adoption is that you don't know how you can afford it, I want to challenge you to take that fear to the Lord. God is far more generous than we give Him credit for. Is He asking you to trust Him? How and when the money comes in differs from family to family but if He leads a family to adopt, it does come.

We began our homestudy with only a little over a thousand dollars saved.  We stand in awe at God's faithfulness to provide for our own family's adoption! 

If God is stirring your heart to consider adoption, don't stay paralyzed by your fears about finances. Don't let the fear that you could never afford adoption keep you from following His lead. And if you hear someone say, "I'd love to adopt but we could never afford it," please don't just agree. Let's stop looking at what WE can do and starting thinking about what God is able to do.

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Things That Hold Us Back From Adopting

Last week, I shared about some of the amazing things we would have missed if God hadn't moved us past our fears and questions about adoption.  In short, we would have missed this little boy:

I know that God's been stirring some of you to consider what you might be missing as well.  I'd love to talk a bit more about some specific fears can hold us back from adoption.  In the next several posts, I'll cover some of the most common hindrances we can get stuck on.  Things like:

- What if I don't really love/connect with a child I didn't give birth to?
-  Birth parents freak me out.
-  Adoption takes forever-aren't there huge waiting lists to adopt in the U.S.?
-  We're too old to adopt.
-  We're not settled enough to adopt.
-  What about pursuing pregnancy first?
-  Our family's too big to adopt.
-  We could never in a million years afford it.
-  I'm scared the child would one day resent me.
-  Are we really equipped to care for a child of a different race?

Are there any other specific fears/hindrances you've heard someone mention or that you'd like me to talk about?  If so, shoot me a comment!  

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The Broken and Beautiful Path to Our Son: Part 3

We woke up late that Thursday morning yet still felt tired.  Few words were spoken as we got into our rental car and headed to pick up lunch before we went to the airport.  We sang a sweet song we'd heard on xmradio the night before.  "My God is Awesome, He can move mountains, keep me in the valley...hide me from the rain.  My God is Awesome, heals me when I'm broken, strength where I've been weakened, forever He will reign."  Rain fell softly on the windshield and we drove some more in silence.

I started wondering aloud.  "Why are we even here, Josh?  Isn't it just weird?  Why are we in Florida?"  He shook his head slowly and said, "I don't know."

A minute or so later, around 11am, my phone rang.  I looked at the name: Tracie Loux (our dearly loved adoption consultant) and my heart began to beat faster. "Katie, where are you?  Are you still in Florida?"  Now my heart beat wildly out of my chest.  "Yes...What's going on?" I asked as I started to tremble.  

"Ok, I'm literally shaking.  Katie there's a birthmom being induced in a couple of hours there in Florida and she wants to make an adoption plan.  Are you guys interested?"  I started crying as I relayed the info to Josh and we immediately said, "YES!"  "Ok, don't go anywhere!"  Tracie replied.  We pulled into the closest spot we could find to wait to hear more: Bruegger's Bagels.

As Josh waited in line for our food, I opened my Bible to Psalm 27 and prayed through the familiar verses again.  Soon we found ourselves emailing our profile to the attorney's office.  Someone from the office gave us a call to relay their initial conversation with the birthmom.  "I told her [the birthmom] all about you guys and your situation.  She said, 'I'll look at the profile but tell them to put a smile back on their faces. God does everything for a reason.'"  We could hardly believe what we were hearing!  A couple minutes later the amazing attorney's assistant called back and said some of the sweetest words I've ever heard: "Y'all aren't going back to Illinois."  I started crying and frantically packed up all of our things.

We just happened to be minutes from the attorney's office so we met her at Starbucks to take care of a few legal details, and then we hit the road to drive to Pensacola.  Just like that, two hours after we had heard about him, we were on the way to go meet our son.

Around 1:30 we got a phone call from our much loved attorney's assistant again.  "The baby was born!  He's 6lbs 15oz.  They will be waiting for you when you get there."  We were in shock and started to work on a name for the little guy.  We stopped once on the excruciatingly long 3 hour drive to go to the bathroom but we literally RAN to the bathroom and back to the car, refusing to waste any time.

After stopping to pick up some flowers, we met the social worker at the hospital and were taken in to meet our son's sweet birthmom.  Though she had known for months that she would choose adoption, God kept this lovely brave warm woman from making a plan until we were in Florida.  We loved our time with her; she is articulate, strong, warm, funny, and beautifully brave.  It was completely surreal to hear her excitement about choosing our family.  Then we went to a small room in the hospital and waited for the nurses to bring in our son.

Around 5:30pm, we saw our little boy for the first time.  Words can't describe all that we felt in that moment.

Only God can author a story like this.  Adoption is beautiful.

     I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD

                                                                                   in the land of the living!

                            Wait for the LORD;

                                                                           be strong, 

                               and let your heart take courage;

                                                                                                  wait for the LORD!

                                           (Psalm 27:13-14 ESV)

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The Broken and Beautiful Path to Our Son: Part 2

Amidst the sorrow of processing the unexpected end to our match with the twins, God continued to show us His love.  But experiencing His care didn't make all of the hurt go away-far from it.  There were many many tears, many unanswered questions, and a sense of complete confusion as to why in the world we were in Florida.

We drove to a Starbucks, planning to spend some time writing a letter to the twins' birthmom.  We wanted to tell her we love her dearly and wanted an opportunity to share with her again how thankful we are for the chance we had to get to know her.

We pulled into the Starbucks parking lot and Josh said, "Let's check out a different one, this one doesn't look that great."  So we went on for a couple more exits and then went inside a nice spacious Starbucks.  We sat down, extremely burdened and overwhelmed as to what we should write.

Suddenly, Josh looked up towards the doorway with a strange expression on his face.  "Is that Jesse," he asked?  "It can't be.  I didn't think he lived in this part of Florida," I said.  But walking towards us came a dear pastor friend that we've known for over seven years.  He just happened to be in the area visiting a church member that was in a nearby hospital.  He just happened to come to Starbucks for the second time that day before he headed home.

After sharing with Jesse why we were in Florida, he and the co-pastor with him said, "We're going to pray for you right now.  Let's sit down."  They prayed for us, encouraged us, and grieved with us.  Right in the middle of one of the hardest weeks of our entire life, right in the middle of some random place in Florida where we'd never been before, God sent a kind, compassionate friend to pray for us.

As we drove away, I was overcome by the absolute unmistakable care of God for us.  He didn't have to bring Jesse into Starbucks to pray for us but He did.  My grieving heart felt such a deep comfort in knowing that God was very near to us and He was going to great lengths to let us know He cared.  A sense of peace mixed with sorrow reigned as Josh and I drove on to Tallahassee for the night.  We expected to fly back to Illinois in the morning.  Little did we know that our entire lives were about to be changed forever.

To read Part 3 go here.

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The Broken and Beautiful Path to Our Son: Part 1

God's ways are often so mysterious; they rarely make sense when we're in the midst of a dark cloud of sorrow.  Our week began under that cloud, ridden with tears and disappointment that our match to adopt twins had ended.  We love those twins and their selfless birthmom immensely so ending our match with them was excruciating and felt much like a death to be greived.

That match ended as we were heading to Florida to meet the twins' birthparents.  (In fact, when we arrived at Midway Airport, Josh asked if we should just stay in Chicago.  Then while we were in line, I asked him, "Should we really just go?  What for?")  Instead of arriving and meeting the twins' birthmom who we love, we had a phone call with the attorney's office and then headed to the beach, heartbroken and confused as to what had just happened.  I have never seen my husband cry so hard and I have never felt so numb in all of my life.  All we had hoped for, all we had imagined, all we had dreamed about these twins had been crushed.  It was devastating.

But amidst the tears and the questions and the exhaustion, God was there.  He was there and He went to great lengths to remind us that He cared.

In the spectacular sunset over the ocean, He reminded us of how beautiful He is.  

Psalm 19:1"The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork."

With the raised hands of a father, praying over his son on the beach, He reminded us, "I'm here."

In the quirky stillness of a local beach shop...

In the peaceful emptiness of a charming bed and breakfast...

In the freshness of a bright blue sky, God was caring for us.  He led me to Psalm 27:13,14 and we clung to it for dear life:

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living!

Wait for the LORD;

be strong, and let your heart take courage;

wait for the LORD!

          (Psalm 27:13-14 ESV)

Wednesday morning, I texted with my friend and adoption consultant, Tracie, who had been praying for us (my writing is in green).  Here was our short conversation:

(a "stork drop" is adoption lingo for a last minute adoption situation)

You can read Part 2 of the story here.

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Why Use An Adoption Consultant?

**I wrote this post back in 2012 when my husband and I were in the midst of our first adoption process before I became an adoption consultant myself. While I could share a post from my perspective as a consultant now, I love that this post shares my heart while I was actually an adoptive family using a consultant.**

About a year ago, I thought that using an adoption consultant was just plain dumb.  My thinking went something like this: Adoption is expensive and hiring a consultant is another expense.  Why on earth would someone hire an adoption consultant?  My thinking about adoption consultants has drastically changed.  I went from thinking we'd never use one to not being able to imagine our adoption journey without one.  Why?  Here are some of the many reasons that we thank God for our adoption consultant.

1) Decreasing the Risks

Domestic adoption does have risks. While all adoptions have risks, good adoption consultants help their clients sort through the level of risk involved with each situation and give invaluable information to help adoptive parents make informed decisions in their adoption journey. Adoption consultants typically work primarily with "safe states" that are adoption friendly (where consents are generally signed in 24-72 hrs). An ethical adoption consultant usually points hopeful adoptive parents to agencies and attorneys that are spending a considerable amount of time providing counseling; these agencies usually don't match the expectant mama until she's at least 20 weeks.

2) Exposure to multiple agencies and attorneys 

Working with multiple agencies helps you have more exposure to more potential adoption situations. Instead of being one family in a line with many at only one agency, working with an adoption consultant makes it possible for you to learn about more adoption situations and so have the opportunity to show your profile more frequently. Out of the hundreds of agencies and attorneys out there, it's difficult to know which are reputable. A good adoption consultant has done that legwork for you! 

3) Significant decrease in wait time

Working with only one agency means that you are most likely one of many, many clients waiting in a long line to adopt.  In a traditional approach of only working with one agency, many adoptive couples wait 2+ years or more before they are matched with an expectant mom.  Because a good adoption consultant helps you find multiple good agencies and attorneys, the wait time when you're working with one can be significantly decreased.  As in, most families are matched under a year after applying with multiple agencies. (This is just the average; some families are matched faster than that and some are matched longer than that.)

4)  Help from someone who is genuinely knowledgeable AND really understands

Most excellent adoption consultants have adopted before themselves. They know what it's like to adopt because they've been through the process (sometimes multiple times).  They are an incredible wealth of knowledge and information (which is great)!  They've helped TONS of couples adopt.  But their knowledge is coupled with a heart that has experienced the joys and challenges of adoption.  Because of that heart, they are extremely quick to respond to questions from clients (no waiting weeks to hear from them!).  Because of that heart, they pray regularly for their clients.  Because of that heart, they are a constant encouragement and help.  

5)  Benefits that far exceed the cost

Yes, hiring an adoption consultant isn't free. But in our opinion, the benefits to working with an adoption consultant have far exceeded the cost (and we aren't even matched with an expectant mom yet).  In the grand scheme of adoption expenses, it really isn't a lot to hire someone who will make a priceless difference in your adoption journey.  We've received extremely helpful answers to countless questions. We've been connected to wonderful attorneys and agencies.  We've been encouraged, supported, and prayed for every single step of the way. And we've been blessed with having someone who is really on our side (much like a midwife who coaches you all through your pregnancy, labor, and delivery).  

To be really honest, we are getting way more than we paid for with our adoption consultant.  And to think that I once thought that using an adoption consultant was ridiculous!

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Use An Adoption Consultant? Are you nuts?

When we first started looking into domestic adoption, I emailed back and forth quite a bit with a friends who had used an adoption consultant to help them as they adopted their daughter.  I remember quite vividly saying to Josh, "I just don't get it. Why would you pay extra money in what's already a super expensive process to use an adoption consultant?  Doesn't that sound kind of dumb?"  It really didn't make any sense to me.


But as time went on, we needed someone to answer about a billion questions that we had about domestic adoption.  I didn't want someone's opinion.  I didn't want someone who just wanted me to hire them.  I didn't want some random info off of the internet.  I wanted someone to talk to that actually knew what they were talking about!  I wanted someone that would care about us as individuals and not just tell us to do domestic, but to help us as we thought through what God was calling us to.  Enter, Tracie Loux our adoption consultant.

(This is Tracie, her husband, and their children)

Tracie is the consultant that had helped our friends adopt their daughter.  I figured it wouldn't hurt for me to shoot her an email.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was 9:30pm on a Saturday night, and questions were just weighing heavily on my mind and heart.  I emailed Tracie and she responded within an hour (an extremely RARE thing in the adoption world), answering all my questions, sharing helpful thoughts and saying she'd love to talk with me on Monday.  I was blown away by her care, her promptness in responding, and her desire to help.  


After two months of emailing back and forth with Tracie, talking with friends and family, praying, and talking a lot with each other, Josh and I began to get some clarity about where God was directing us.  We knew that He was leading us to pursue domestic adoption and we absolutely knew that we didn't want to enter the process without Tracie's help. So what changed?  Why don't I think it's a dumb idea anymore to use an adoption consultant? More on that tomorrow!

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