Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Numbering My Days

My greatest fear is that I will waste these days with them-that I will squander the precious few hours given to me to love them in our home and to show them that Jesus alone is eternal life. My greatest fear is that I will waste away these days with wishing they'd take longer naps and that she'd eat what I fix her and that he'd stop using his hands to eat yogurt. I know I'm doing it, wasting the time, wanting a break instead of hugging them longer, getting tired of their questions, rushing the bedtime routine instead of reading one more book. I'm wasting the days and I can't have them back, not one single moment and I should know better.

When they are finally sleeping quietly in their beds, I stop to think and remember. Harsh words spoken, angry footsteps upstairs to answer yet another plea for me to come and help, a constant refrain of "in a minute" or "I can't right now," more "no's" than necessary. And I can't stop thinking about what could have been done differently and I cry because I feel like I am wasting these days.

Yes, it is very true that they have an imperfect mommy who sins against them each day, one who forgets that they are gifts and not interruptions. But it is even more true that there is a perfect One who doesn't ever fail in His parenting. So today I cling to the hope that the God who came while we were yet sinners will take this tattered attempt at loving and make it into something beautiful that will point them to the cross.

Please God, help me not to waste the days.

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

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2 Responses to “Numbering My Days”

  1. You are wise to see the gifts God has granted you. His grace is sufficient, and you are strengthened by the Word. Oh, it is hard to be the momma!You're the tough 'closer-girl', & God is faithful to see you through!

  2. Katie Katie Katie - how I remember those days. Pottie training Bubba who liked to poop on the floor right in the walkways, and Jimmy eating whatever with his hands and loving to rub it all over himself - spaghetti was his fav - all through his hair, on the floor, in his diaper, stuck in his belly button. Did he do that at your house when your mom would serve it? Those days are so exacerbating as the mom, and we do so realize our desperate need for God's incredible protection and comfort through it all.

    There are so many things we can look back on and wish we would have done differently, but in reality those things grow us in character and humility. Your kids are adorable and look happy and content. I can't get over how much Addie looks like you!!!

    I know first hand what your walking thru and it does get easier! God bless ya, and take delight in those beautiful little babies you've got - the rest? - it will wait!!!!

    If all else fails - eat chocolate. The fruit of the earth - it fixes well - just about everything!!!!!