The Privilege of a Wife: Mirroring God's Character

I started reading the book that Jodi had suggested and was immediately challenged by the questions the author posed. Here are just a few:

Why did God give Adam a wife?

If an outsider observed your daily routine, would he say that befriending your husband is important to you? How would he be able to tell?

How does God's covenant with you impact your relationship with your husband?

Maybe these answers come easily to you, but to me that wasn't quite the case. As I read, I realized that my ideas and beliefs about marriage weren't very thought out. I wasn't quite sure how I would answer the questions above. Prior to marriage I had been really excited about the idea of marriage, couldn't wait to get married, and wanted to honor God in marriage. I had been taught well by various books, premarital counseling, messages at our church, meetings at the Pastor's College, etc. about what God teaches regarding marriage. But, in my heart I didn't really buy into the whole purpose of being a wife. I was mostly just excited about being in love with Josh and loving my husband is basically what fueled my behavior towards him-not scripture.

Through the first chapter that I read, entitled, "In His Image," the Lord opened my eyes afresh to the amazing opportunity given to me to mirror His character in my marriage. I hadn't done much thinking about that before. What a beautiful privilege! I can mirror God's character in my marriage. But how do I do that?

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The Privilege of a Wife: Orienting My Life, pt.2

(Since it's 29 degrees here today, I thought a little warm photo might cheer me up!)

It's been a while. But...back in this post, I talked about how the Lord started showing me that I wasn't seeking to be the wife that He's called me to be. I was living for myself and my plans and my agenda. My life was oriented around myself.

As I was thinking about posting more on this, I realized that I was skipping the Gospel. Before talking about ordering priorities to prioritize our husbands, we need to first remember the Gospel. Whether you're married or single, a woman or a man, our lives should be centered on the Gospel. I'm so grateful that our church reiterates this again and again; we never move on from the Gospel. We don't become Christians and then "move on" to other things like prayer, evangelism, bible study, etc. and forget the cross. The cross is the whole point of our lives! Without the cross, we would still be left in our sin! Without the cross, we would have no hope in this life. Without the cross, we would have no power to change. As CJ puts it, we need to "keep the main thing the main thing." Are you keeping the main thing the main thing?

As we start to consider how we, as wives, are called to orient our lives, let's remember that the Gospel always comes first. But, what comes second? For this lady, what came next was none other than...me, myself, and I. :) (Not quite what the Lord had in mind.)

I'm so grateful for the wonderful ladies in my small group who so helpfully shared thoughts with me about growing in loving my husband. One of those ladies, Jodi, pointed me to a book by Elyse Fitzpatrick that she said had really helped her in this area. Jodi is a wife who puts Christ first and then faithfully puts her husband second. She exemplifies in her marriage Philippians 2:3-4: "in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." She has been such a wonderful example to me of a wife who orients her life around her husband and I've seen the beautiful fruit of it in her marriage. I was eager to check out a book that had helped her. Let's just say, I didn't know quite what I was getting myself into...

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The Privilege of a Wife: Orienting My Life

A couple months ago I started noticing that my affection for Josh wasn't quite what it used to be. When he came home from work, I wasn't all that excited to see him. When we had the opportunity to go on a date it seemed a bit like a chore rather than a delight. When I talked with friends or had some time to plan, my thoughts and words quickly turned to my kids and housework, rarely to my husband. It's not that I didn't love Josh or wasn't glad to be married, but unlike at the beginning of my marriage, being a wife wasn't really something I thought a ton about. I knew that something wasn't right but wasn't quite sure what.

After talking with Josh and with the ladies in my small group, it became very clear that I was prioritizing my kids over my husband. More than that, I wasn't seeking to be the kind of wife that God describes in His Word. My life was oriented around growing in honoring the Lord but not in specifically growing in honoring Him in my marriage. My "to-do" list, our kids, and whatever else I wanted to do on a daily basis was what I focused on. These things that I was prioritizing weren't sinful but they weren't what God wanted me to orient my life around. My life was oriented around me.

It's a helpful question to think about. What is your life oriented around?

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Ah, to be like Mary Bailey

So Josh and I have this tradition: every year when the snow covers the ground for the first time, we watch "It's A Wonderful Life." We're not claiming it's very theologically accurate or anything like that, but it sure is a sentimental Christmas favorite!

This time when the movie ended, I turned to Josh and said, "I think the moral of this story is that husbands should make use of the helper that God has given them!" I mean seriously, think of all the trouble that George would have averted had he merely told his wife what was going on and asked for her help and prayers! No contemplating ending his life, no jumping in the cold water after Clarence, no seeing the people he loved not even recognize him, no getting shot at by his friend... Ok, but in all seriousness, it got me thinking...am I like Mary Bailey? Would I go to great links to help my husband? If he was sinning against me, would I retaliate in anger or bitterness or would I do all that I could to help him honor the Lord with his life?

God's been working on my heart these past several months in the area of my role in marriage. My friends, I am no expert here. In fact, I have a million examples that I could share of what NOT to do! But, the Lord's been teaching me things about helping Josh and I'd love to jot some of it down on here. I want to be like Mary Bailey. I'm not like her but I am seeking to grow.

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