Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Blur

Life feels pretty much like this right now:

An absolute blur.

I have four children ages six, four, two, and 2.5months and I stay at home with them.  My day starts around 6amish (thank you evil Time Change) when this one tiptoes into my room to whisper very loudly, "Mommy, may I please lay with you?"
Seconds later, she's followed by one or two of the others who also climb in begging for the chance to snuggle Mommy before the day really begins.  All the while, I'm feeling groggy and not wanting to open my eyes but being too squished to possibly remain asleep. And so begins the day. :)

From then on, there are lots of tears, fights, laughter, messes, food, music, dishes, whining, Wild*Kratts, crafts, bottles, texts, Pando*ra, hugs, hair pulling, and "Jesus, PLEASE help me be a patient mom.  I cannot be kind on my own," prayers.  Each day is really a blur.

I'm struggling to figure this whole "mom of 4" thing out.  There are so many things I'm just not doing well.  The blur can feel disorienting or infuriating or even futile in the sense that each day I just keep messing up all over again, struggling to look beyond the blur to clearly see the blessings in front of me.  Behind the blur are four real children that I GET the blessing of being home with.  Addie discovered last week that her stomach makes noise when it growls; I got to be here for that.  Tali's starting to grow in confidence while she reads; I get to help her with that.  Owen loves making Titus smile; I get to watch that.  Titus is cooing and smiling and trying to roll;  I get to hang with him all day long and watch him grow.  

I GET to be a mom.  I don't want to take it for granted even though it's kind of crazy right now.  Behind the blur are four real people that call me "Mommy."  I'm asking God to sharpen my eyes, that I wouldn't get lost in the blur but would see the sweet little people behind the blur that make it all worthwhile.

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