Monday, December 30, 2013

I'm Too Old (Adoption Fears and Falsehoods Series)

Maybe years ago you talked about adoption but never pursued it. Deep down in your heart, you wish that you had acted back then on that dream. Or maybe you just started wondering about adoption for the first time. But, now? Well, now you're kind of thinking:

But are you, really?

Every country has different laws regarding parental age limits in adoption. Because I'm most familiar with domestic infant adoption, I'll speak to that. In the United States, you will find people adopting domestically up into their forties, fifties, and even some into their sixties. Are you in that age range and healthy? Then legally, you probably aren't "too old" to adopt. Adoption laws aren't holding you back because of your age. So what is? When you think about adoption, are you primarily looking at it from a "practical" perspective or from an eternal one?

"You are not your own, for you were bought with a price." 1 Corinthians 6:19)

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12

In His great love, God has adopted us as His children and He calls us to reflect His heart of love, no matter what age we are! There are children both here and all over the world of all ages who need a loving, safe, forever family. I want you to hear from some actual parents who were over the age of 40 when they adopted their child(ren) as infant(s). What they have to say is powerful and inspiring!

Names: Sue and Brad
Age when pursued adoption: 40 and 41 when they brought their twin baby girls home
Family: Children ages 15, 14, triplet 12 year olds, and twin 1 year olds
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"Yes, I'm more tired and I'll be the oldest parent when my kids start school. But isn't it better that these children have an older mom and dad than NO mom and dad? Also, for us, being Christians, we feel that just because we are older doesn't give us an excuse to just stop serving. We really feel that God has called us to live our lives for HIM and not ourselves. For us, this also meant giving up the American Dream of having kids, getting them out of the house, and pursuing retirement. We want to serve until we die, literally. And for us, that means parenting longer than most people. And you know what? It's totally worth it. What could be more important than raising little souls?" -Sue

Names: Stacia and Jobie
Ages when pursued adoption: 43 and 44
Family: Children ages 27, 22, 19, 13, 8 and 7 months and the grandchildren that live with them are 6, 4, 3 and 11 months.
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"The benefits FAR outweigh the doubts when it comes to parenting as an older parent! More patience, more of an understanding as to how quickly they do grow in those first months and years and we are more relaxed. If you know that God has placed adoption on your heart, DON'T DOUBT what He can do! Don't hesitate any longer, just do it and SEE what He does with your obedience. Lay your apprehension down, and never look back. It will change you in ways you've never imagined and yes, it's beautiful AND hard, but SO, SO worth it. I see God's promises every day in the sweet little smile on this precious boy's face!" -Stacia

Names: Kym and David
Ages when pursued adoption: 43 and almost 50
Family: Children ages 23, 21, 19, 16, 14, 10, 9, 3, and 3 months.
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"There are some "valid" concerns...dying before they are grown, not being fun or energetic enough, (I am more fun, and I have older kids who can chase a two year old if I can't!). We are just ordinary people, who have been blessed in amazing ways by God with these amazing kids! If you are worried about whether you should adopt in your 40's and 50's I would say if the desire is there, it is there for a reason! Adoption isn't really about what we need, it is about being available to be the second best choice for a child. It is a hard joyous path. And David and I are both so glad we took it! And in being available for the child who needed our family, we have been blessed beyond our imagination!" -Kym


Names: Kim and Bruce
Ages when pursued adoption: 42 and 43
Family: Children ages 16, 15, 12, 8 and 20 months
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"We are so much more relaxed than we were in our younger years! I think we are really able to enjoy him as we know now how fast time goes and how quickly each stage goes. We realize how much more precious life is...We truly enjoy being older parents so much! Also, we happen to have teenagers, too, and that is an added bonus as they are so helpful. It is also so great to see them love on him." -Kim


Names: Denn and Melinda
Ages when pursued adoption: 44 and 45
Family: Children ages 27, 25, 22, 3, twin 2 year olds (and have 6 grandbabies)
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“We are sure we will never have time to be in rockers (except to rock our babies to sleep)…and we cannot imagine our lives without them! We often ask each other 'what on earth would we be doing right now if not this?!' We would be filling our lives with most likely worthless things! Living that lie 'the American dream.' This all has changed our lives so wonderfully!" -Melinda

If you have a desire to adopt but you're wondering if you're too old, please don't assume that it's too late. Go before God and ask Him about it. Don't let your age stand in the way. Maybe He will tell you it's not His plan for your family. But maybe He will lead you into one of the greatest joys of your life.

Check out some other fears/falsehoods to pursuing adoption that have been covered in this series: "I could never afford to adopt," "Is there really a need in the U.S.," "Birthmoms are scary," "My spouse will never agree," "Can I really love a child I didn't give birth to?," and "Do I really have what it takes?"

(For more information on domestic adoption, please contact me at katief@christianadoptionconsultants.com)

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