He Does Mighty Things

"Come and see what God has done: he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man."  
Psalm 66:5

Though I don't feel 100%, I haven't felt this good since before I was pregnant with Addie Beth.  Come and see what God has done!  He is awesome in His deeds!  It is He alone who can heal!

Thank you for praying for me.  If you're tempted to be discouraged about things you're begging God for that He isn't granting, take heart!  He hears His children!  He rarely acts in the timing and exact way that we think is best but He does hear the cries of His children.  Persevere in prayer!  It is a mighty God we serve.  He is awesome in His deeds toward the children of man.  His ways are so much higher than ours..

I am eager to see how He keeps answering the prayers of His people.

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He Really Does Hear

You know how sometimes you can keep asking God for something and He's not giving it and you can begin to wonder why?  Doesn't He hear me?  Doesn't He want this VERY GOOD thing for me?  Doesn't He promise to hear us when we call to Him?  Why isn't He answering this prayer? Why has healed other people and He's not healing me?  Should I keep praying for this?

Josh and I have been praying for God to completely heal me of Graves' Disease.  Our small group has prayed with us for this.  Countless friends and family have prayed with us for this-maybe you've been one of them.  And it's been over 3 months since I was in the emergency room and still, I'm not feeling completely well.  Still, I've praying for healing.  Still, I go up and down from day to day feeling ok and then feeling bad.  At times, I've wavered, wondering if God is actually hearing these prayers.  At other times, I've been filled with faith that if He wants to He can take Graves' Disease away from me in a moment.  I've been fighting to trust that if He doesn't heal me, then I can still trust Him.  He's got a good plan. Well, guess what?

Yesterday I got a call from my endocrinologist.  She said, "You're levels are completely normal.  I don't think that you have Graves' Disease."  She thinks that maybe the diagnosis was wrong all along and that I have postpartum thyroiditis.   Well, I don't know if that's what I have or if I really had Graves' and God healed me from it. What I do know is that God has heard and answered our prayers!  I'm feeling much better (not 100% but much better) and that I don't have a LIFELONG condition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for praying for me! God has heard! We've asked Him to heal me from Graves' and He has.  I don't have it.  I will not have to battle this for life.  God is powerful and mighty to heal!  He didn't act in the timing I would have chosen (as in an immediate healing) or in the way I might have hoped (as in, never having allowed me to be sick in the first place), but He is healing me!  Praise Him along with me!!!! I'm so grateful for all He's been teaching me through this and will continue to teach me as I keep healing.

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She Makes Me Smile

This is my sweet 10 month old. When I look at her, I can't help but smile. Addie Beth is a bright spot in every single day. Whether I feel sick or healthy, happy or sad, tired or energetic (I will feel energetic someday, right?), looking at Addie always makes my heart swell with joy. I really feel like she's God's tangible expression of His love for me. When she snuggles up to me, it's a tangible reminder of how real and how good God is.  Only an amazing God would give such beautiful gifts to His children. I love Addie and I love the God who made her. Onto other things...

Thanks for praying for me. I keep wondering if I should post how I'm feeling but it changes each day and sometimes hourly. I've been wondering if maybe God is healing me but I don't know. My heart's been racing a bit more this week and a couple other symptoms have been going on. But get this y'all: I HAVE BEEN TOTALLY OFF OF MEDS FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, you read that right. At the beginning of September my TSH level was at 12 (supposed to be between 1 & 2 and it was at .02 when I was in the ER). My medicine throws me into hypothyroid so each time that happens, my dr. has me stop taking it. So I've been getting my blood checked every week or so and surprise, surprise, my levels have not gone back into hyperthyroid yet! I was anticipating being off of meds for 2-3 weeks and then tanking. But that hasn't happened! I don't know if God's healing me or just giving me a little breathing room to figure out where to go from here. Whatever the case, we're praising Him for it!

This morning Tali said, "Mommy, why did God heal you?" I love that she asked that because I've never said that He healed me since I'm not quite sure.  Still, she knows that I'm feeling much better than I've been for a long time. Josh answered her, "Because God loves His children." It is humbling for me to think that if He's healing me, it's because of His undeserved love for me. And if He chooses for me to feel worse again, somehow that's an expression of His love as well.

Please keep praying for complete healing!

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Praying Psalm 119:67

Thank you for all of your prayers!  Many have asked how I'm feeling so I wanted to try and post a small update.  Basically, my health goes up and down like a roller-coaster these days.  For a couple of days I might feel sort of decent and then the next day, I seem to plummet down again into feeling awful.  It's very inconsistent but the long and short of it is that this is how my body responds to Graves' Disease being treated with PTU. I'm very affected by the medicine, so much so that it's been very hard for my endocrinologist to determine what dosage I need.  Each time we think the dosage may be right and my thyroid levels begin to normalize, I start going into HYPO-thyroid because the meds are suppressing my thyroid too much.

I could go on and on about all that we're trying to decide...are meds best or is a more holistic approach better?  If I do the holistic route, then I probably need to stop nursing Addie.  What's best?  Should I keep waiting to see if they find the right dosage for my meds, even though my dr. said that the dosage will likely need to be tweaked off and on over the next 1.5ish years on PTU? Will I go into permanent remission if I do the full 2 years on PTU even though I only have about a 60% chance of that?  Lots of questions. The Lord knows the answers.

I would so love your prayers. If you're wondering how you can pray for me, please do continue to pray for healing. But also, I would love it if you'd pray for me from Psalm 119:67 and 71.


"Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word." "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn Your statutes."

Please pray that through this, I would learn more of God's ways and that I would walk in His paths, keeping His Words. Pray that I would rejoice in God, knowing that this is good for me, otherwise He would not be allowing this affliction.  I really want to rejoice in the midst of suffering, not merely try and survive it till it's over.

So grateful for a faithful God who always works for my best.  I know that His purposes are good.  As Psalm 119:75 says, "...in faithfulness You have afflicted me."

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God Can Heal

This is me before the meds kicked in & I started putting on more weight

Well, the verdict is officially in. I have Graves' Disease.  I was really hoping and praying that postpartum hyperthyroidism was to blame, but nope. Graves' is basically an autoimmune disease where your body attacks your thyroid.  Graves' Disease doesn't really ever go away completely, but you can go into remission. The two main treatment options are to take a radioactive pill to kill my thyroid (then be on meds to do what my thyroid would have done for life), or to take meds for 1-2 years in hopes of regulating my thyroid levels enough to be in remission and off meds for good (or until a flare up comes).  Or to try a completely natural approach.  At this point, we're opting for the meds. My endocrinologist thinks I have about a 60% chance of them working and me going into remission after the 1-2 years.

I was feeling really great physically for about 4 days. My symptoms had decreased significantly and the only real drag was exhaustion and weakness.  But then I woke up Sunday morning and everything started to really annoy me again.  I was extremely tempted to get angry at anything and everything. I started just feeling nasty. My bad headaches came back.  I couldn't sleep.  My heart palps were creeping up again.  I couldn't think.  I was completely overwhelmed and discouraged and trying hard to remember truth about God amidst suddenly feeling awful again. What happened?  Why did I suddenly take a turn for the worse?

Monday morning my endo called to inform me that I needed to stop the meds completely for a week because my blood tests showed that I was going into HYPOthyroidism...in other words, my levels flip-flopped.  That's why I started feeling terrible again.  So now the game plan is to get another blood test after a week off of meds to see where I'm at. Then I'll start up meds again at a different dosage.  Here's what I'm praying everyone: I am praying that God has or will completely heal me.  I'm praying that my tests will come back completely NORMAL.  I'm wondering if God has already healed me and that maybe the meds made me go into hypo because I don't need them at all anymore.  I'm praying for God to give me complete healing.  Would you pray that with me?  I know He is able to do all things and He might not see it as best for me to be healed. But then again, it might be His perfect plan.

How am I doing with all of this craziness?  Well, that depends.  I'm trying to think about what is true in God's Word.  He says that He works all things together for good.  He says that His ways are perfect.  He says that He gives more grace.  He says that His strength is made perfect in weakness.  He says that He keeps in perfect peace him whose mind is fixed on Him.  God is more than enough even if I feel junky forever.  When I think about who He is, I'm fine.  I'm better than fine; I'm at peace and content!  When I think about how I feel today or how I might feel next week or how I am doing the bare minimum for and with my kids and husband, or how my house looks, or how I might have to take these meds for 2 years straight...then I'm not doing so well.  So the fight is on, my friends.  If you want to know how to pray for me, pray for my healing and pray for grace for me to do what I can't do on my own-fix my gaze on Christ and not my circumstances.  I can already see ways that He's using this to conform me more into His image, so for that I'm grateful.

What I really deserve is God's wrath against my sin.  What I have received is His mercy and forgiveness because Christ took my punishment.  That is more than enough reason for me to praise Him tonight!

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Will you get me a blanket?

I would like to issue an apology to anyone that has stepped foot in our house over the past 7ish months.  Though you have been very kind and never mentioned the frigid conditions, I am sure that you were wondering if you would leave with your fingers and toes intact.  I do thank God that no one left our home with frostbite...at least not to my knowledge.

The good news is that last night I asked Josh a shocking question: "Babe, will you get me a blanket?"  He stopped in his tracks and stared.  "A blanket?  A blanket! Do you mean to tell me that you are cold?"  It was a sweet moment in the Fenska home.  For once, I was not fanning myself or commenting about how hot I was.  For once, I was not wishing that I lived in Antarctica.  Ah...relief.  One nasty symptom of this hyperthyroidism has been the inability to regulate my body heat.  I have been unbearably hot for months. I've felt like I was in a sauna all day long. Now I only feel like that about 5 or 6 times a day and that is doable.

I can see little glimpses of healing and we're thanking God for that!  I'm still hot often, eating like a ravenous beast, exhausted, and having stomach trouble, but all of those symptoms are not quite as severe as they were. I think I've stopped losing weight and my hair isn't falling out as much. And the beta blockers are keeping my heart from racing.  Even though I wish that I felt 100% better, I'm grateful for the progress that I do see.

Thank you so much for your prayers, calls, texts, emails, meals, childcare, etc. You all have made it so much easier to focus on recovering.  We are blessed with wonderful family and friends and we thank God for you!  We're grateful that we aren't doing this alone.

If you're wondering how you can pray for me, please continue to pray for complete healing.  Also, please pray that I would trust in God's grace for the many things I wish I could have changed over the months of feeling so sick.  There are many things I wish I would have done differently.  I'm so grateful that God does not treat us as our sins deserve because He afflicted Christ in our place.

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His Way Is Perfect...even when it involves sickness

I'm not going to complain about the hospital because:

A. Complaining is sin. And because B.They kept me from going into cardiac arrest.

But still, they didn't explain a lot of what hyperthyroidism is or what treatment really means.  That was probably for the best because I'm guessing that I would have gotten overwhelmed, laying on a hospital bed with wires strapped all over, being told that it could take MONTHS before I feel better. Yep. MONTHS.

The thyroid is sort of a hormone regulator and helps control things like weight, metabolism, body temperature, heart rate, etc. A normal range of the thyroid hormone TSH should be from 1-2.  3-4 means that you have hypothyroidism (your body isn't producing enough of the hormone.) Anything under .7 means that you're hyperthyroid.  Ladies and gentlemen, I was at .02 TSH when I got the emergency room. My thyroid has been producing WAY too many hormones for WAY too long.  Since my level is so low, it will take quite a while for it to stabilize again.  If it was just a little while, it could potentially get better in a couple of weeks. But since it is dangerously low, it's going to take months.

Just in case you're wondering, I am really tempted to be discouraged about this time frame. I have already felt bad for about 5 months and now I have more months ahead of me before I feel better.  I have three little kids and a husband to care for and no energy to do it.  Still, God has a good plan for us, even if I don't understand it.

I've been trying to hold fast to this promise in God's Word:

"This God—His way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him." Psalm 18:30

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Beta Blockers and the Screaming Lady

If you were waking up 4+ times a night for about 7 months, how do you think you'd feel?  Not bursting with energy and wanting to run a marathon, right?  Well, I've been feeling awful for months but assumed that it was due to my sleep deprivation. I've been exhausted, weak, hot all the time, starving an hour after I eat, easily overwhelmed, and shaky.  I have never felt so awful before in all of my life.  Each day I was waking up just feeling like I had absolutely no energy and no way to get through the day.  The thought of changing a diaper or doing the dishes just seemed like it required way too much physical stamina.  I spent a lot of time begging God for grace to care for my kids, and counting the hours till nap time.  Not long ago, my heart began racing or skipping beats.  Even in my tired delirium, I knew that heart issues usually aren't from sleeplessness.  I started getting a bit nervous and made a doctor's appointment.

In the meantime, I googled and self-diagnosed that I probably had hyperthyroidism.  I was actually so relieved that I might have something treatable.  Unfortunately, the day of my appointment (yesterday), my heart kept getting worse.  After the appointment, Josh and I went to the emergency room.  My heart rate was in the 140's and blood tests confirmed that i have hyperthyroidism.  Because my heart rate wasn't coming down much, they admitted me.

Now, I'm on beta blockers and a thyroid suppresser to get my thyroid under control.  I am not feeling wonderful, but I feel better than I have in months.  I cannot tell you how grateful to God I am that this has been found!  I am so grateful that He protected me from getting worse and so grateful that He has provided medication to help me.  I am also SOOOO grateful that He has made a way for me to continue nursing Addie amidst it all. I'm so grateful for a husband that has cared for me and helped me during the months that I've been unable to do much. I'm so grateful that he came with me to the dr, hospital, and stayed with me all night. I'm so grateful that God has given me parents that live close by and were able to help. I'm so grateful that I'm home and don't have to listen to the lady in the room next to me screaming at the nurses all night.

As they wheeled me to my hospital room, we passed the Cancer Ward.  I was reminded that hyperthyroidism is something to be grateful for. I am going to get better. It's not fatal. We are thanking God for that!

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