The Kind of Mom I Am

I once was the mom who couldn't believe someone could ever get frustrated or impatient with their child.  I once was the mom who couldn't imagine not wanting to sit and play on the floor with my baby all day.  I once was the mom who held tight to the wisdom passed on from the ages that "they will grow up in the blink of an eye" and tried to seize each moment of mommying.  Now...now I am many things I wish I wasn't.  I am not the mom I thought others should be or the mom I hoped to be. I am the mom who checks her email when she could be playing dress-up.  I am the mom who uses words carelessly and makes lots of peanut butter sandwiches and gets irritated by whining...

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Adoption: Looking Out

I feel like Addie Beth in the picture, looking out with a huge smile, but remaining behind the closed doors, not sure of what's ahead.  We just started the first real piece to our adoption-our homestudy.  It will probably be around 3-4 months before we're finished with that step. If you're not familiar with the process, here's a brief description: it involves tons of paperwork, physicals, fingerprinting, background checks, 4-6 visits with a caseworker who will ask us tons of questions and will visit our home, and oh yeah...money.  Then, we will start having our profile (aka: small book that we make with pictures and words all about us!) shown to birthmothers.  From there,...

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"Many are the plans in the mind of the man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

I thought I had some pretty great plans for this year.  Some of them were:

1)  To be completely healed of Graves' disease and never experience any thyroid issues again

2)  To adopt 2 little ones from Africa

3)  To keep encouraging my husband in his role as one of the associate pastors of our church

4)  To have a tidier house

But my plans aren't actually what stands in the sovereignty of God's perfect plans.  His plan involves:

1)  Still struggling with ups and downs of hyperthyroidism and possibly doing so for the rest of my life

2)  Adopting from the U.S.

3)  Encouraging my husband as he transitions into the lead pastor role in our church

4)  Having a house that often looks like a tornado ran through it

It can be bewildering, scary, unnerving, and just plain hard to wrap my mind around it all as I see His plans standing instead of mine.  What's happening certainly isn't all bad, but it is very different than what I had planned.  I know that other people might be confused as well by what is actually happening vs. what I've thought and said would happen.  But really, that's how life always works. How often do I actually get exactly what I think I need?  Far more often, God surprises me with a greater and better plan than I ever would have imagined on my own.  His plans are way more informed and wiser than mine ever could be. If He would have let me persist in my own plans all my life, I'm sure I would never have known that I need a Savior.  So most of the time, I'm glad that it's His purposes that stand instead of mine.  And for the times I'm fighting to believe that, these verses bring me comfort:

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." Ps. 25:10

"You are good and do good; teach me your statutes."  Ps. 119:68 

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Little Kids and a Big Day

Once upon a time, three little children dreamed all summer long about the Big Day.  The anticipation was palpable in their home each Monday as they asked their parents, "Is it today?  Are we going today?!"  Then one hot summer morning, they heard the words they'd been longing to hear.  "It's Train Day!" With smiles and nerves they quickly walked to the station, their minds and mouths filled with questions about the ride that lay ahead. They could hardly believe their eyes when they saw the big shiny train, waiting for them to board.  They quickly climbed up the stairs and searched for the perfect seats. The little boy sat right by the window and stared in wonder.  It...

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Have You Ever Heard of Such a Thing?

Addie Beth has some teeth issues...as in, you can only see one of her front teeth when she smiles.  At first, I thought that her other front tooth just needed time to grow in.  But when I took a closer look, I saw that both teeth have fully come in.  Her gums are just so crooked that you only see one of the front teeth.  And it just so happens that the crooked side of her gums is right where she sucks her pointer finger.  Coincidence?  I doubt it. Not excited about the prospect of paying for braces, Josh asked our dentist for advice.  Her solution?  Either get the baby to stop sucking her finger (fat chance) or switch her to a pacifier.  I burst...

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Savoring Summer

Can you remember what it was like to be a child in the summer?  Every day felt like dessert.  I hear it in their voices from the moment they wake up, "Mom, what are we going to do today?!"  The anticipation is thick as they imagine the delectable moments that lie ahead. My temptation is to let them play and laugh and run while I load the dishwasher or throw in another load of laundry.  They play, I work.  But this week, I joined them.  Because summer sun shifts to autumn breezes pretty quickly here in the Midwest. Because babies grow into toddlers into preschoolers in the blink of an eye.Because I'd be crazy not to stop for dessert while there's still some le...

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Strawberry Picking

I have wanted to go strawberry picking for years but there never seemed to be an easy time to do it.  (One year I was pregnant with Tali, the next summer I was pregnant with Owen, the next summer I had a newborn...you get the theme.)  But on the Fourth of July, my hubby gladly helped make my dream come true!  We found an amazing orchard that still had yummy strawberries and picked about 10lbs.  Here are some of my favorite pictures from the day! Tali woke up and immediately grabbed her sunglasses and strawberry headband to prepare for the day.  She was a great helper and so much fun to share in the memory with.  This girl is just such a delight to hang out with. Oh...

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Vacation Thanks

Mark Twain once said, "Don't cry because it's over, rejoice because it happened."  That's what I want to hold in my heart as I think about vacation.  This picture was taken (thanks to my awesome friends and their thoughtful tripod gift) right before we left to come home. Don't be misled; no one wanted to take this picture except me.  No one was eager to sit and wait and pose and wait and try again.  And as you can see, not everyone is smiling.  But that's real life, right?  Vacation wasn't without complaining and conflict and tiredness and dishes and laundry all the stuff that real life is smattered with.  But it was still a gift because we were together....

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Fleeting and Beautiful

They are so little.  She’s four-and-a-half, full of wonder and awe and ready to explore and pretend and create fun wherever she goes.  He’s three-and-a-half, all boy but with a twist of tender, ready to play cars and ball and learn how to surf...even in Wisconsin.  Little lady is nineteen months; she’s bursting with energy and laughter and brightness and mischief, loving the sand and the water (especially drinking it). Three small sweet people.  Three little souls entrusted to our care for a short time.  I want to savor each moment with them on this trip.  Last year, I was so sick that life, in general was just a blur.  Last year, Addie Beth wasn’t even...

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One of My Favorite Verses

But I trust in You, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."  My times are in Your hand... Praying this verse for our family today and so grateful to know that it really is true.  God holds each of our days in His hands, guiding them with His steadfast lo...

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Sweet Stories from our Garage Sale

As I think back on the garage sale last Saturday, my mind doesn't first go to the money (though I'm so grateful for God's provision) or to the work (though I'm still really tired!).  My thoughts go first to faces and conversations that I had with strangers, conversations that I will never forget. One woman shared with me a bit of her adoption journey; several failed IVFs, multiple miscarriages, and one foster care license later, she and her husband pursued adoption.  They came into contact with an older boy that was from another country, had been adopted by a U.S. family, and then was put into the foster care system because his adoptive family decided they couldn't handle him.  This...

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Amazingly Blessed: God's Generosity

God faithfully blessed our garage sale today!  He kept the rain away, brought people to our sale despite the gloomy weather, and gave us awesome success!!  We're so grateful for all of the help, prayers, and support of so many of you.  Are you curious about what kind of $ we ended up with? Ya ready for this?  We made around $1100 from the sale and then were stunned by the incredible generosity of friends that brought our grand total for the day to...$3027.  Is that amazing, or what?!  We are marveling at God's provision for us.  He is so faithful.  He is so worthy of praise! I cannot get over the fact that God loves our little ones so much that He will...

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Garage Sale Details!

Our adoption fundraiser garage sale is next Saturday from 8am-4pm!  We're so excited to see how the Lord's going to use this to help us in our adoption.  Here are the details for when to drop off your stuff, opportunities to help, some insider info on what's being sold, etc: Drop Off Times:(Come over and drop off your donated items at any of the following times; no need to call first.)Monday 2pm-7pmTuesday 2pm-5pmWednesday 8am-12 or 2-8pmThursday 8am-5pm Garage Sale Help Schedule:(This is the tentative schedule for the day, but I would love to have more help!  Ideally, it would be great to have 2-3 people during each spot to help by sitting at the bake-sale table, straightening...

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Responsibility and Surrender in Parenting

Of all the things I want for my children, nothing compares to this desire: that they trust in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins.  I want my kids to experience the greatest joy and happiness imaginable for all eternity and that's only found in Jesus. It is such a delicate balance to intentionally strive with all that I am to make Him know to them, yet recognize that all of my efforts WILL NOT save them.  Ultimately only God can stir their hearts to believe.  It's something I wrestle through on a daily basis-this balance between responsibility and surrender.  Tonight, I was encouraged through an illuminating reminder from Gospel-Powered Parenting by...

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Cinco de Mayo

Ok, so Cinco de Mayo wasn't exactly yesterday.  But the days fly by and since I have trouble remembering my children's names, chances are that there's no way I'll remember our little moments together unless I put them up.  Rockin' out to the fiesta music, munching on yummy tacos, making our very own pinata (and yes, I know that word needs a little squiggly thingy on top of the "n" but I have no idea how to do it and I don't really care either), and my personal favorite memory of the evening-Addie Beth finding out how awesome a good old fashioned sucker can be.  She kept saying, "Mmm!  Mmm!  Num-mee!  Mmm!"  Priceless!&nbs...

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What's More Real Than Laundry

It is embarrassingly easy to forget all that God has done for us-to forget all of His benefits.  The simple things like a sink full of dishes and a bedroom full of dirty laundry can seem so much more real than all the good that God has done for me.   I love to go back to these words from Psalm 103 again and again and again to help me remember: "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."  "He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay...

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Hope for Moms (like me) Who Fail

I love this little section from a post I saw that was written for The Gospel Coalition Blog: "And mom who fails her children regularly (because that’s everyone else), preach the gospel to yourself this day. If you have any grasp on your reality, you are likely painfully aware of every failure you’ve made with your children. And maybe you are fatigued by the fears of future failure as well. It’s okay that your children expose your own sin. In fact, it’s the mom who doesn’t seem daily aware of her failures that most concerns me. Christ has made the way for you to be at peace. If you sinned against your kids, ask their forgiveness. If you are kicking yourself for your failures, preach God’s grace...

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Truth for Today

I'm waking up today aware that apart from His grace, I am just so quick to discouragement.  I'm seeking to cling to these things today: From Spurgeon's Morning & Evening: "Long ere time began or space was created God had written upon His heart the names of His elect people, had predestinated them to be conformed unto the image of His Son, and ordained them heirs of all the fulness of His love, His grace, and His glory. What comfort is here! Has the Lord loved us so long, and will He yet cast us away? He knew how stiffnecked we should be, He understood that our hearts were evil, and yet He made the choice." "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved...

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3 Gifts Unmeasured

Oh, how we love these little people! What a blessing it is to be their mama...even on days like today when I know that I have been more irritated than grateful, more exasperated than kind. Lord, help me see them as the gift that they are when I wake up tomorrow (or in the middle of the night). &nb...

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Adoption Update: Waiting to Apply

Here's my Addie Beth rockin' her new Africa shirt.  As usual, her mouth's wide open because Baby Girl's got lots to say!  For example, "I wanna' hode-ju-me, Momma!" I've been feelin' the love from many of you asking recently where we're at in the adoption process.  Thanks for asking!  Here's a little update: Have we applied yet? Nope. Do we have the initial funds (in other words, we have $5000 of the total $35,000) we need to start? Shockingly...YES!!!  God has been so kind to bless us through the incredible generosity of friends, family, strangers, Etsy, and photography (plus saving/renters). How can we thank you enough?! Every single time the Lord brings...

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Fear Not: Part 9

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, start with this post and go from there.) God really does weaken the fears in our hearts as we fight for faith in Him.  But you don’t just have to take my word for it, or Isaiah’s or Paul’s or Martin Loyd Jones’ for that matter.  Listen to the testimonies of a few other ladies in our church about how fighting for faith in God really does weaken our fears. Strands Interviews from Sovereign Grace Church Oswego IL on Vim...

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Fear Not: Part 8

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, you can find them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7.) Shortly after we had our first child, Tali, I found myself really overwhelmed by fears about her safety.  When she would cry the lies of fear would shout, “Maybe she’s crying because there’s something deathly wrong with her.  Maybe she has some sort of incurable disease and won’t make it through the night.  If I was a better mom I’d know what’s wrong with her.  I should be able to help her and keep her happy!” The lies were strong but with the help of my husband and friends, I went to God’s Word and searched for truths that would help me fight...

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Fear Not: Part 7

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, here they are: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6.) I want to just be really honest here and say that this idea of actually needing to fight for faith has been the crucial point of challenge for me.  I don't want to have to work at this.  I want everything in life to be easy-lasting peace included.  I want to just slap a scripture on it and repeat, “Fear not, fear not” a couple times and feel all better. But that’s not how trust in God usually grows. If you want to strengthen your muscles, you don’t expect that just sitting at home on your couch is going to do anything to help you get toned.  And we rarely grow...

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Fear Not: Part 6

(If you missed the earlier posts in this series, here they are: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.) We weaken fears with faith by talking to God and we weaken fears with faith by talking to ourselves, in other words, by thinking about what is true.  “Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, worthy of praise-think about that.  Practice that and the God of peace will be with you.”  Do you see what the Apostle Paul getting at here? We weaken fears and anxieties by thinking, or talking to ourselves about what’s true.   This kind of thinking is not some sort of power of positive thinking. This isn’t just trying to make yourself feel better...

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