Congratulations, Bob and Angela!

Bob and Angela started with their adoption consultant in March and were eager to begin! I had the opportunity to assist this sweet couple and I was able to get to know them right away through creating their profile book. Their home study was ready on June 2 and then they immediately got started applying with agencies.

They began putting their hearts on the line, presenting to potential situations and eagerly waiting for their "yes" to come. After dreaming for years about a baby, they were so ready for the difficult wait to be over.

And then, a little less than two months after they applied to agencies, they got the call that would change their lives forever. They were chosen and the baby was coming soon! About three weeks after that, the daughter that they had long dreamed of was finally in their arms. And she is truly their dream come true!

For information about domestic adoption, please contact me!

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It's Our Baby

Summer's in full swing and my three sweeties and I have been soaking up the sunshine, enjoying sugary treats, and having lots of fun conversations.

Tali went out into the dark garage today to grab some more ice pops (our third of the day).  "Mom.  It's so nocturnal out there right now!" she exclaimed.

Addie Beth's been her normal crazy two-year-old self.  This morning she woke up at the break of dawn because she had wet through her diaper.  As I changed her bedding she started talking loudly and lightening speed. "Mommy!  Mommy!  Can I jump on my bed?" she excitedly asked.  Never-mind that it wasn't really even light outside yet.  No big shocker when she took forever to calm back down.  Eventually when I went back in to see why she was still awake and still talking, I found her sitting up with piles of underwear surrounding her.  That's my fun little girl!

Owen is full of talk these days about reptiles, predators, and other cool boy stuff.  But my favorite conversations with him are the ones that showcase his tender heart.  Tonight I was talking with him about our new baby that we're waiting for and he got all excited talking about how he would hold the baby, help change diapers, etc.  I said, "Well, don't I get to hold the baby, too?  I mean, it's my baby, right?"  In a very serious tone, he replied, "No Mom.  It's not YOUR baby.  It's OUR baby."  Love my boy so much.

I don't know what the rest of this summer holds for us, but I will always treasure these sweet moments with Tali, Owen, and Addie as we hang out together amidst the hot summer sun.

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Waiting

"How much of life is lost in waiting?"  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Each of us are waiting for something, aren't we?  Maybe you're waiting for someone to email you back or to waiting for your kids to sleep through the night or waiting for a raise at work.  Maybe you're waiting to feel happy again or waiting to hear from someone you love or waiting to find out some life-changing information.

Right now we're waiting to be matched with a birthmom, waiting to meet the child (or children) that God has planned to enter our family.  Waiting is not easy-it never is.  But I so don't want to lose precious moments of precious days, pining away for what I'm waiting for and missing what's already before me.  I am alive and I have an amazing family that I love dearly.  I'm healthy and I have a home and a house and sunshine pouring through my windows.  I have food and friends and laughter and music and so many things to give thanks for if I will stop and look around me instead of yearning so much to be done with the waiting.

Lord, help me to wait in such a way that I seize each moment You give me, that I don't waste these fleeting hours and days until we see our baby's face.

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The Letter

As a part of the matching grant that we're being awarded from Hand in Hand, they asked us to write up a letter explaining where we're at.  Here's what we wrote:

Photo Credit: Misha Seger

Dear Family and Friends,

It is with huge smiles that we send this letter to you!  As many of you may already know, God has given us a desire to provide a “forever” family to a child through the process of adoption.  We love adoption because God loves adoption!  He has adopted us into His family, making us His children forever through Christ’s saving work (1 John 3:1).  And for us, adoption is just one way that we can spread His love and reflect it to a birthmom and a child in need.  

We’ve been walking down this path for a while and after a number of twists and turns, the Lord has led us to pursue adopting a baby (or twins/siblings) domestically.  We’ve completed our homestudy and the next step is for us to apply to agencies and lawyers’ offices.  Then, we will wait to be matched with a birthmom and hope to bring a new baby home within the next year (maybe as soon as this summer)!  

Adoption is really exciting, but it’s also really expensive.  Homestudy costs, legal fees, adoption agency fees (which include the cost for social workers to help the birthmom through this time), and travel expenses will likely total around $30,000.  To date, we still need about $20,000-which sounds crazy, except that we have God who has a heart for the fatherless, and who often uses crazy ways to provide.

In fact, we’re writing to let you know about one way that God has just provided for us. We were recently awarded a matching funds grant to help with the expenses of our adoption through Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc., a non-profit private operating foundation.  Hand in Hand will match any funds that are donated through our friends and family for the expenses of our adoption.  All funds received through our friends and family will be matched dollar for dollar by Hand in Hand up to our awarded grant amount.   All donations are tax-deductible.  

Here’s what that means: if you donate funds to Hand in Hand, with our name on the envelope, 

- they will pass along those funds to help cover the costs of our adoption; 

- they will send you a receipt for your tax-deductible contribution; 

- plus they will match up to a total of $3,000 given between now and May 18

A couple clarifications: anything donated after May 18 (even if our name is on the envelope) will not go to us for our adoption but will go to the general fund of Hand in Hand.  Second, any funds given before May 18, even after the $3000 match is reached, will go to our adoption expenses.  We're praying that God uses this grant to help us with the rest of our needed funds.

So if you would like to give through this way at this time, your gift can be doubled and will also be tax deductible.  You can find out more about Hand in Hand through their website, www.handinhandadopt.org. If you have further questions about the Hand in Hand matching grant program please feel free to contact us (alreadyloveyou at gmail dot com).  You may also contact Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc. with any questions you may have.  They can be reached at 913-248-5015 or by e-mail at handinhandadopt@gmail.com.

If you’re receiving this letter, we know that you’ve expressed a desire at some point along the way to support our adoption (whether financially, or through prayer, or through your personal encouragement).  We don’t want you to feel obligated at all to give, but we wanted to make you aware of this opportunity.  Thank you so much for wanting to be a part of the process of bringing our new baby home!

If you do desire to give, please send all donations made payable to “Hand in Hand Christian Adoption” postmarked by May 18 to: (for tax purposes please include our name on the outside of the envelope only…do not put our name on the check itself).

Hand in Hand Christian Adoption, Inc.

Josh & Katie Fenska

18318 Mimosa Court

Gardner, KS  66030

With grateful hearts,

Josh & Katie

(You can read more about the grant here.)

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Isn't There Another Way?

Last night my mind was running through all of the paperwork for adoption grants yet to be applied to, then to all of the paperwork yet to be filled out when we apply to agencies, then to all the paperwork that I don't even know about that will likely happen after being matched with a birthmom.  As I was mentally picturing all of these papers yet to be filled out and all of the papers that we've already done, well...I felt tired.  Then I thought, "Isn't there an easier way?"

God instantly brought to mind Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, staring into the cup of God's wrath that awaited Him as He looked ahead to the cross.  And He pleaded, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”  (Matthew 26:39)  But He knew there wasn't another way.  Our sin completely separated us from God.  It was either Jesus endure incredible suffering and agony being hung on the cross, taking on God's full punishment for sin or God's children could not be a part of His family forever.  There was no other way.

I'm not trying to compare adoption paper work to the crucifixion of Jesus, believe me.  But, I think the Lord wanted to show me two things through remembering this.  First, no amount of suffering I go through compares to the suffering that Jesus went through for me.  He was still completely human while He was completely God.  So He completely felt every bit of that excruciating pain and suffering.  It wasn't lessened because He was sovereign and knew what was coming next.  And that pain?  Being utterly separated from His father and having every sinful thought, action, and word heaped on Himself, bearing the guilt and full weight of that sin even though He had never done anything wrong, and taking the punishment for it all...that is a pain unimaginable.

My weariness at all this paperwork?  It is real and it is hard but it does not compare to all that Christ went through for me.  I will never know what it's like to have every single sin of every single person put on me.  I will never know what it's like to then experience God's wrath and condemnation against all of that evil that I never actually did.  I will never know it because Jesus suffered in my place.

Secondly, adoption is not easy.  It wasn't easy for God to adopt His children into His family.  It wasn't easy for Him to send His Son to the cross.  It wasn't easy and pain free for Jesus to be crucified.  God's adoption of His children came at a great cost to Himself. Is it any wonder that there would be some hard things for us as we're in the process of adopting?

So when I picture the paperwork that awaits me, I want to be amazed at what Jesus has done to make me God's child.  I want to stand in awe as I remember that there was no other way.  And I want to thank God that Jesus didn't give up in the midst of the hard but said, "Not my will, but Yours be done."

* If you'd like to know more about becoming a part of God's family, here's a great link to check out and it'll be worth your time: http://www.matthiasmedia.com.au/2wtl/

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Waiting for Lightning

(For background to this post, read Part 1 and Part 2 of our "switch from international to domestic" story.)

Josh and I had lots of conversations back then that went a lot like this:
Me: "So...are you thinking we should do domestic?"
Josh: "Well, I'm not sure."
Me: "Me either.  What would have to happen for us to be completely sure?"  
Josh: "Good question.  I don't exactly know but I think we should keep praying and talking with other people about it.  The Lord will lead us."

(Photo taken by the lovely Misha Seger)

I'd like to say I left those conversations with an angelic peace and confidence that God would direct our paths. But in reality, what I really felt was frustrated with the process, confused, and antsy for God to just send us a lightning bolt message from heaven saying "ADOPT FROM _______."

So we waited.  We prayed.  We talked with family and friends and got lots of advice and counsel and prayer.  We waited some more.  I got more antsy (read: impatient and discontent!).  At some point, I emailed my friend, Christy, about my confusion.  I specifically asked her "Why in the world would God give us such a heart for transracial adoption and then bring us to this point where Africa isn't an option for us?  That just doesn't make sense."  She reminded me (compassionately) that God's ways are much higher than ours and it's normal not to understand His ways.  Then she just threw out the question, "Why not adopt two African American kids?"  Well...good question.  Why not?

I started learning more about adoption here in the U.S. and was shocked to find out how huge the need for minority adoption is. The majority of couples that seek to adopt are white and the majority of those couples want a baby that looks just like them.  But there's a vast number of minority children in need of adoption and not as many couples willing to adopt trans-racially.  (Note: I am not saying that it's wrong to adopt a white child.  Every single child deserves a family and God calls each family to different things.  If no one adopted white children, that would be awful!  This post is just about what He's called our family to.)  

My heart went out to these birthmoms, courageously choosing life for their babies yet sometimes having very few adoptive parents willing to adopt their child.  Each day, I found myself more and more excited about the idea of adopting domestically. I was ready to run full speed ahead.

Josh wasn't quite in the same place I was, though...at least not yet.  After more months filled with more talking, praying, and waiting on the Lord, we both finally agreed that it seemed like God was leading us to adopt domestically.  There had not been a lightning bolt, but it did seem that His still small voice was leading us in that direction.  So, we stepped out in faith and signed in September with Christian Adoption Consultants.  We would not have anticipated that our story would have taken this turn, but we're so glad that it has!

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Adoption Hierarchy Craziness

(To read part one of how we entered the domestic adoption world, click here.)

As Lord Grantham says on Downton Abbey, "We all have chapters we would rather keep unpublished."  This is a part of our adoption story that I'd rather just forget about.  I've debated sharing it but it's a part of how God brought us to this point.  Plus, I've grown increasingly dissatisfied with anything less than authenticity.  (Facades are a really huge waste of time and I want people to know the real me, not a dressed up version of who I really am.)

(image courtesy of habituallychic.blogspot.com, a blog I have never read)

So, the honest truth? I have been completely resistent to the idea of adopting domestically for many years.  Josh did try to bring it up a couple of times, but when he did, I firmly (and probably rudely) said, "NO."  I told him that I couldn't handle the risk of a birthmom possibly changing her mind; that seemed unthinkable to me.

Then, out of the blue last summer, we suddenly found ourselves in a position where we couldn't escape thinking hard about adopting from the U.S.. We were approached about a pregnant woman in our area that was considering adoption.  If a family wasn't found for this baby, the child would likely be placed in foster care.  Everything changed for us.  There was a real woman with a real baby that was in real need of a family.  Was I willing to surrender my idea of what I thought adoption would look like for us?  Was I willing to risk the possibility of the mom changing her mind?  Those were agonizing questions to ask.  Suddenly, adoption became much less "what do I want to do" and much more "what is God calling our specific family to do"?  

Not long after we learned of that local situation, the family decided to parent their child.  But my heart began to change.  The risk of a birthmom changing her mind had (in a very small way) already happened to us and I lived through it.  But I was still really resistent to giving up the dream of adopting from Africa.  Why?

I couldn't have articulated this at the time, but I was walking around with this false notion of a hierarchy in adoption.  It went something like this: children living in orphanages are the ones who need a family.  Adopting internationally is more important than adopting domestically. Everyone wants babies here in the U.S. and the waiting list is huge so that's not really a need; toddler or older or special needs international adoption is really more needed than any other adoption situation. 

God does NOT view people that way.  The truth is that every single person is made in God's image and so every single person has value and dignity before Him.  Every single child that comes into this world deserves to have a family.  Before God, every soul is equally in need of love and salvation and hope, whether they live in Africa or in America.  There is no hierarchy in God's economy when it comes to orphans, or to anyone for that matter.  When Jesus walked the earth, His love reached out to all kinds of people with all kinds of stories.  As someone loved by God, I'm called by Him to love others, and not just the orphans in third world countries but everyone everywhere.  

Repenting about my thinking was a huge turning point for me.  Still, there had been no lightening bolt vision from heaven, showing us where to adopt. And I was really hoping for one...

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What About Africa?

"I thought you were adopting from Africa."  Yep.  So did we.  But here's the thing about adoption (and life in general)-it's unpredictable.  Even when you think you know what's going to happen, you don't.  There have been many many times when I was absolutely confident beyond a shadow of a doubt about something and then that something did not happen.  Surprisingly enough, God's plans are often way different than mine.

For instance, back when I was in high school, I was absolutely certain that one day I'd adopt from China. That certainty continued through college and as I started graduate school, planning to head to China to work in an orphanage.  I read books about the orphan crisis there and I wrote research papers about it.  I was certain that one day I would go there and help orphans.  Fast forward to the day that Josh and I began talking more seriously about when to adopt-it seemed pretty clear to us that God was leading us to adopt from Rwanda and not from China.  (We didn't meet all of China's requirements.)  Fast forward a couple of months; the country of Rwanda closed its doors to international adoption.  (Pretty clear that God doesn't want us to adopt from there right now.)  Fast forward a couple months later; we thought that Ethiopia was the place where our children were.  We learned about Ethiopia and dreamed about going there to add to our family.  Fast forward a couple more months and my thyroid continued (and continues) to be an issue.  It became pretty clear that travelling twice to a third world country to adopt wasn't in the best interest of our family given my health.  We went from China to Rwanda to Ethiopia and were left completely unsure of where God was actually calling us to adopt.

So when I hear, "I thought you were adopting from Africa" I can't help but shake my head.  That's what we thought, too. But God had other plans.

***This is the long version of why we switched from international to domestic adoption.  I'm planning to chop it up into several posts.

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Somewhere Tonight

Somewhere tonight, she is there.  I don't know her name.  I don't know what has brought her to this place.   I don't know what she looks like or what her background is or what makes her laugh or what her dreams for this baby are.  But I know that she's out there.  She might be scared.  She might be confused.  She might feel alone or angry or completely unsure of where to go or what to do.  Maybe she's not sure if she can continue with this pregnancy.  Maybe she's trying to just ignore the life inside of her.  Maybe she has been abandoned, forsaken, kicked out and without a place to go because of this baby.  Maybe she feels like all hope for her future has ended.  

Maybe she's considering ending this life or maybe she wants so badly to keep this baby.  Maybe she is doing all she can to feed the mouths of the little ones she already has and knows she can't add another.  Maybe she has a supportive OB or maybe she's never seen a doctor because she doesn't have insurance.  Maybe she has a husband who's standing by her through this decision or maybe she has a boyfriend who has left her when he heard or maybe she doesn't even know who this baby's father is.  Maybe she's a teenager or maybe she's a woman or maybe she's somewhere in between.

I've never met her.  In truth, I know virtually nothing about her.  Still, I lay awake at night thinking of her, praying for her, crying for her. I know that she is an amazing person because choosing to go through nine months of pregnancy knowing you will not be there for the first smile, first steps, first words, first everything is grief unimaginable.  She is brave and she is making an incredibly selfless choice. Again and again, I'm asking God to bring her to someone who will stand by her through this, someone to show her the love of a God who does not let go...someone who will show her Jesus.

Somewhere tonight, she is there.  We don't know her name.  We don't know what has brought her to this place but we know that she's out there. Whatever differences she and I may have, what we've got in common cannot be measured.  We both want what's best for this baby and our lives will never be the same because of this child.

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These Kids Get It

One of the most beautiful things about this adoption process has been watching the effect it's had on our kids.  We have three sweet children that are pretty amazing in many ways but they are also...well...kids, which means that they generally think a lot about themselves.  Being a family that's adopting hasn't magically erased their self-centeredness (or mine for that matter!) but God is using it to do something amazing in their little hearts.  Here's just a taste of some recent conversations around our home:

Owen:  "Can we pray for the mommy that has our baby in her belly?  Let's pray that she will take good care of the baby and that if she can't, someone else can take care of the baby until we get him."

(Side note: Owen has never heard those exact words from us.  Josh and I do talk with the kids about birthmoms, but not in great detail. Still, she is obviously very much on their minds.)

Babysitter: "Addie, your daddy and mommy are on a date but they'll be home soon.  What do you think they are doing?"

Addie Beth: "They're adopting a baby!"

Tali: "Mom, I'm going to save and save my money so someday, if I don't have any babies from my belly, I can adopt!  Well, actually, even if I do have babies, I can still adopt because there are still lots of children that need mommies and daddies, right Mom?"

They might be little, but you know what?  They get it.  Our kids know that there are kids their ages without parents and merely knowing about it isn't enough for them.  They want to do something about it.  Lord, give us all hearts like these children!

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A Big Sister's Heart

It was around bedtime when she ran in, eyes sparkling with a shy little grin on her face.  Her hands were clasped tightly and she jumped up and down with excitement.  "Mommy?  I have a belated Christmas gift for you!"

"It's for your adoption fund, Mommy!"  She opened her hands and placed into mine the twenty cents she'd been hiding.  "The sooner you have the money, the sooner we can adopt, right Mom?"  Her arms wrapped around me tightly and she squeezed, this sweet girl wanting desperately to be a big sister again.

It wasn't the act of generosity or her childlike faith that started my tears...it was her love for this little person that she doesn't even know yet-her love for her new little brother (or sister...or twins) that melted my heart.  She isn't worried if she'll love a sibling that looks different from her or concerned that the new child's family history is different than hers.  She doesn't even care about those things.  She just knows that babies are a blessing and she can't wait to have another one in the house.

I love my girl and the beautiful big sister's heart that she has.  Twenty cents has never meant so much.

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Adoption: Looking Out

I feel like Addie Beth in the picture, looking out with a huge smile, but remaining behind the closed doors, not sure of what's ahead.  We just started the first real piece to our adoption-our homestudy.  It will probably be around 3-4 months before we're finished with that step. If you're not familiar with the process, here's a brief description: it involves tons of paperwork, physicals, fingerprinting, background checks, 4-6 visits with a caseworker who will ask us tons of questions and will visit our home, and oh yeah...money.  Then, we will start having our profile (aka: small book that we make with pictures and words all about us!) shown to birthmothers.  From there, we just wait until we're matched.  After we finish our homestudy, it could be a matter of months or even just a few short weeks until we have our child(ren).

I'm sure everyone feels differently when they are going through this but here's how I feel:

I feel like I just found out that I'm pregnant.  You know that "super excited-can't believe it's happening-is this really for real?" feeling you get when you see a positive pregnancy test?  And then you quickly start imagining the feel of fresh newborn skin pressed against your cheek, the warmth of milky breath sighing deeply in sleep, white onesies and sweet footie pjs and soft blankies wrapped up tightly in your arms.  That's how I feel.

You can't see this pregnancy.  You won't look at me and see that there's a baby growing inside of me, but there is.  This baby is just growing in my heart and not my womb.

So I feel like Addie Beth looking out that door, excited and nervous all wrapped up in one.  After planning on adopting internationally for so long, this domestic route feels pretty new and unknown.  But we're confident that this is where God's led us and where He leads is always good.  Thank you, as always, for your prayers!

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"Many are the plans in the mind of the man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

I thought I had some pretty great plans for this year.  Some of them were:

1)  To be completely healed of Graves' disease and never experience any thyroid issues again

2)  To adopt 2 little ones from Africa

3)  To keep encouraging my husband in his role as one of the associate pastors of our church

4)  To have a tidier house

But my plans aren't actually what stands in the sovereignty of God's perfect plans.  His plan involves:

1)  Still struggling with ups and downs of hyperthyroidism and possibly doing so for the rest of my life

2)  Adopting from the U.S.

3)  Encouraging my husband as he transitions into the lead pastor role in our church

4)  Having a house that often looks like a tornado ran through it

It can be bewildering, scary, unnerving, and just plain hard to wrap my mind around it all as I see His plans standing instead of mine.  What's happening certainly isn't all bad, but it is very different than what I had planned.  I know that other people might be confused as well by what is actually happening vs. what I've thought and said would happen.  But really, that's how life always works. How often do I actually get exactly what I think I need?  Far more often, God surprises me with a greater and better plan than I ever would have imagined on my own.  His plans are way more informed and wiser than mine ever could be. If He would have let me persist in my own plans all my life, I'm sure I would never have known that I need a Savior.  So most of the time, I'm glad that it's His purposes that stand instead of mine.  And for the times I'm fighting to believe that, these verses bring me comfort:

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." Ps. 25:10

"You are good and do good; teach me your statutes."  Ps. 119:68 

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Sweet Stories from our Garage Sale

As I think back on the garage sale last Saturday, my mind doesn't first go to the money (though I'm so grateful for God's provision) or to the work (though I'm still really tired!).  My thoughts go first to faces and conversations that I had with strangers, conversations that I will never forget.

One woman shared with me a bit of her adoption journey; several failed IVFs, multiple miscarriages, and one foster care license later, she and her husband pursued adoption.  They came into contact with an older boy that was from another country, had been adopted by a U.S. family, and then was put into the foster care system because his adoptive family decided they couldn't handle him.  This woman and her husband brought the son into their home to foster, then chose to adopt him despite numerous challenges.  After that, 2 more sweet kids from the foster care system came to live with them and they are in the processes of adopting them as well.  I watched this woman, little children lovingly pulling and jumping and crawling all over her, look over her shoulder at me and say, "You can't love your stuff and your kids, too!"  Compelling.

Another woman that had adopted transracially through a domestic adoption stopped by with her beautiful son who obviously adored his mommy.  She left me her info and invited me to a monthly hang-out time at her house for adoptive families.

An adorable little girl and her mama came by.  The little girl had been adopted domestically (from Aurora) and had been united with her family since the very day that she was born.  When I asked her mom what advice she could pass along to me at these beginning stages she smiled and said, "Patience.  It takes a lot of patience to go through this process."  Then she looked at her daughter, beaming, and said, "But it's worth it."

Later in the day, a 15 year-old girl waited to talk with me while others made their purchases.  She shyly and quietly shared a piece of her heart.  "I saw your signs and had to come.  My mom adopted me from Hungary when I was just a baby.  My life has never been the same.  I've always thought it takes some really special people to adopt.  I've never had to wonder if my mom loves me; I know she does because she went through so much to get me!  I just wanted to tell you that..."  Tears still come to my eyes as I remember her smile.  How different might her life have been if she had not been adopted?

Talking about adoption, saving money, having a garage sale-all of it seems so surreal sometimes.  Will we really ever bring these children home?  The obstacles can seem so huge at times. But then I think about the people I met on Saturday. I'm reminded that there are REAL children with REAL names that don't have a mom or a dad.  Real lives that do not know Jesus and don't have anyone to tell them.  Real children without any hope.  Someday, by God's power and grace, 2 of those will be ours forever and they will never be orphans again.

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How can we afford to adopt?

Adoption is expensive-really, really, really expensive when you look at it as a huge sum of money.  We don’t currently have the $30,000-$35,000 in our pockets that it will take to bring our sweet baby home.  At least once a month I hear from someone who tells me they’ve thought about adopting but simply could never afford it.  Let me just get it out there from the beginning: adoption is crazy expensive.  That is a sad but real truth.

We do not have the resources to give a child a family. We’re not pursuing this because we have tons of money saved up or because we have a large income according to American standards.  In fact, we don’t have all the money it will take to make a child in need our son or daughter.  We don’t have the resources, but God does.

“The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts.”  Hagai 2:8

We don’t have all of the money right now, but any money that we do have doesn’t really belong to us anyway.  All of it is His. One night early on in the “praying about maybe adopting” season, I woke up and had a couple of clear impressions from the Lord.  The first was that I felt Him whisper to my heart, “I will give.”  Not long after, I had this picture come to mind of a huge burlap bag up in the sky filled with coins that was getting poured out over our heads.  All of the money belongs to the Lord!  All impressions aside, His Word confirms this truth.

We don’t have any confidence in our ability to save enough or raise enough money to make this adoption happen.  Our confidence is in the God who owns all the gold and silver and can do with it as He pleases.  If He’s called us to adopt, we can rest knowing that He will somehow provide the funds.  If He is calling you to adopt, you can rest assured that He will provide for you, too!

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Becoming a Part of His Family

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to have been adopted by God, to have been brought into His family and made His child.  What does it really mean?  I was adopted by God.  He made me His daughter. Without Jesus, I could not know God as my Father.  Trying to wrap my brain around this miracle...


Today dear friends boarded a plane to go pick up their little girl for the first time.  She has no idea what's about to happen-that her entire life as she's known it is about to change.  She didn't ask them to come and give her a family.  She might not even know that she needs one.  She doesn't know what it's like to be loved by someone who will never leave her.  She has nothing to compel them to make her their child; no guarantee of her devoted love, no promise that she will only cause them joy and no pain, certainly no money to help them with the expenses.  She is an orphan but soon she will be a daughter.  She could never have made this happen on her own.


If you're a Christian, this was your state.  We were without hope and were children of wrath according to Ephesians 2:


"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived...and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind." (vs.1,2, 3b)


We were orphans with no hope of having a loving Father because we were separated from Him by our sin.  Like the little girl that my friends are flying to pick up and bring into their family, we were without hope.  But:


"In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will..." (Ephesians 1:5) 

There is nothing in me that could have compelled Him to come and bring me to Him, nothing that I could have given to make Him want me as His daughter. The Holy God-the creator of all things, chose me as His daughter!  In love He decided to adopt me through Jesus.  Now I am forever His child!  Is there anything more wonderful than this?


You will not regret listening to this message by Rick Gamache about our adoption through Christ.  May it leave you freshly amazed at God's love for us! 

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God's Care

We have been so overwhelmed by God's kindness in bringing in orders for our store!  Really, each time I see that we've sold something, I feel like it's God Himself handing us the money for this adoption.  He's called our family to step out and trust that He will provide and He's doing just that!

He could do it however He wants, but God has chosen to use YOU, dear friends, to help us with getting the word out about "Already Love You."  Thank you for being His instruments!  I continue to be amazed at each FB msg, blog post, or Twitter that I see about our store.  We're getting more purchases each day. You guys are amazing!

Almost every order has been from someone we've never met that was referred to our store by YOU.  It's very humbling to think of God caring so much about our baby that is yet to be born, such that He would use a little offering like this store to bring in some start-up funds.  It is incredibly humbling to think of God, in love, moving you to spread the word about our store and then moving someone else that we may never have met to stop by and purchase something.  Amazing!

And I know that some of you have been praying for this store to be successful.  Thank you!  He is answering!

p.s.-None of this would be happening without a lot of love and labor from my mom. Can't wait to post more about that to honor her sometime soon!

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Already Love You Give-away

Want to win something cute from our Etsy store?  Stop by In Light of the Truth to find out about a great give-way going on right now.  Much thanks to my college friend, Sarah, for doing this for us! 

And as a side note, I think that Sarah's heart to come alongside us in this is one snapshot into how someone can individually walk out obeying God's command to care for orphans.  One way that she is honoring God's command is by helping us along in our journey to adopt!  If God hasn't called your family to adopt, that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do to love orphans.  I've seen friends follow this command by seeking to become foster-parents.  I've seen others of you follow this command by praying for us as we pursue adoption.  My friend, Jessy, has been talking Christmas pictures for people and giving all the proceeds to us & another couple who are saving to adopt.  Still others are sponsoring a child with Compassion International or giving money to Covenant Mercies or other wonderful Christian organizations. The needs and opportunities are endless! 

If the Lord's stirring your heart to adopt a child, by all means-obey!  But if He's not, ask Him how you can obey His command to care for orphans. There are so many opportunities out there!

If you have some other ideas of how to heed God's call, leave a comment and let me know!

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Adoption Fundraiser: Etsy Shop is Open!!

Ok, folks.  The time has come!  Our adoption fundraiser store, Already Love You, is officially open for business just in time for your holiday shopping.  Stop on by and check out some super cute aprons, adorable bibs, trendy nursing covers, and much more.  This is shopping with a purpose for sure; 100% of the proceeds go directly into our adoption fund.  This is all for the sake of caring for one of God's orphaned children.

We'll be updating the shop regularly with more items so we've got lots more comin' your way.  (It's taking me much longer than I thought to snap pictures and upload everything.)  Check back often!

And would you mind doing us the favor of passing along the news about our store? 

We're so thankful for you and your care for us.  Even more so, we're thankful for our God who has made our own adoption into His family possible.  What a reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving!

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What about adoption?

Back in the summer before my thyroid went completely crazy, I posted about our plan to someday adopt. (See here, and here.)  Then, I found myself merely begging God for grace to get up out of bed and my plans got thrown out the window.  Pursuing adoption got put even further into the "someday" category.  Thankfully, God's plans are better than mine and His don't change.  In the meantime, Rwanda has closed its doors to International adoptions as they put into place better laws to protect children there. It's unlikely that they'll re-open anytime soon (potentially not even for 5-10 years or so from what I've read).

We've continued to pray and think about what the Lord has for our family regarding adoption.  While we were initially very drawn to Rwanda (and still are), it seems to us that He's leading to Ethiopia instead. We are so excited about that!  So where are we in this process?  Still very much in the "waiting on God" stage.  We're waiting on Him to speak to us about when He wants us to officially begin by starting the paperwork.  We're praying for our future child's birth parents.  We're asking God to prepare our family for the process and the transitions to come.  We're also waiting on Him to provide some "start-up" finances.  If you've ever considered adopting, chances are you've probably thought, "That's wonderful but there's no way we could afford it."  You're not alone. We don't have the money either, but God does.

We really believe that if God calls us to this, then He will provide everything we need to bring our baby home.  Still, we're not planning on sitting around and waiting for money to fall from the sky.  We want to be faithful to do our part so we've been praying and thinking creatively about how we can save and bring in a little extra as well.  We would like to have the first 3 months fees ($3,000-5,000) saved before we officially start the $30,000+ process. (I know; it's so expensive.  But so worth every cent!)

One small way we're seeking to do this is through opening an online store on Etsy.  My mom and I have teamed up to sell sweet gifts for mom's and loved little ones (like nursing covers, bibs, aprons, burp cloths, etc.).  I'm so excited about how it all is looking!  All proceeds go directly toward our adoption fund.  Stay tuned to see how you can check out our store!

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